A
female
age
30-35,
*ogiciaBil
writes:First Story: (Sorry its long but it is the whole story)This guy I briefly went out with (a week and a half) broke up with me because he said we moved to fast and he needed time to find himself (Hes 26 im 19). To me he wasnt over his ex wife. He told me they had split sometime last year but then admitted the truth to me the night we broke up. He told me they divorced almost a month ago.On a side note, I wouldnt have pushed anything between us if he would have just told me this the first time around. I asked him on several occasions if he was sure he wanted me to step past that friend line. He said yes. So I did. Then he said we moved to fast. (which I would have been like "No really, ya think?" if he had told me the truth about his divorce.)========Contact after No Contact (2 weeks)Thats the back story in a nut shell. Now, after almost 2 weeks of No Contact, I receive a text from him. Well I ignored the first 2 text I got (one was about a movie he saw that he thought I would have liked, and the other just said *hey.)Well that lead to me calling him a day or two later, and to politely tell him sorry and that I was busy and asked how everything was going. We talked for almost an hour. Things went well and he told me he would like to hang out as friends and nothing more. His words exactly. So I agreed.Well 1 week later he IMs me on Facebook. So we have a friendly conversation, nothing to intimate etc. Then we start texting more. He initiated the contact not me. Well he scheduled a time to come down and see me, which he never showed up. He texted me though, and It didnt really bother me because one, he lives a hour away and two he does/did this when we were together as well.So I go to bed early. I wake up the next morning to a text that he sent me at 11:00pm that said *hey are you still up? I of course didnt answer because I was asleep. So I texted him back jokingly saying *I am now lol. Which he responds with *to late lol. He then proceeds to ask me how I slept, I said good, you? He said *Im tired, didnt sleep well last night. (Hes in the Air Force and told me they had done a tough PT the day before so he was sore) so I said *Ah, to sore to sleep huh? Lol.He said *a little lol. I had nothing to say to this so I just left it at that. Then in about 2 minutes I get this series of texts…*Just a lot of emotions running through my head as well. I thought he was talking about the whole, I need to discover myself, thing so I responded with *Well Im sure it will get easier with time. Just try and relax and dont think about it so much. The text I got next kind of confused me. He said *I would like to talk to you tonight if you have time.I said *sure, I dont have too much to do later so Im sure ill be available, keep your head up and smile. He responds with *I smile every time I talk to you.Fast foreword. We didnt really have a talk, it was filled with a bunch of ramblings and him stating *Never mind, thats a conversation I want to have in person. And blah blah blah. It is now Wednesday and we are IMing on Facebook. He tells me he wants to meet up with me on Friday. I agree. Thursday. I am once more IMing him on FB and he tells me hes in a really good mood. I said thats awesome. (He was really stressed lately so it was a big improvement to hear him say that) He responds with *I think I owe it to our date on Friday. I, taken back by the comment, said *What? He said, *Or is it a hang out? I said *I will leave that one up to you… End of conversation.==========Meeting for the First time Since Break-UpFriday we meet up and have a simple lunch/dinner at TGIFridays. We talk about certain things that friends would. However, the way HE came off felt just like it did when we were together. We finished and went and saw a movie. While there he asked me If I wanted to get more comfortable. He went to hold my hand then stopped, and then allowed me to lean into him (he actually pushed for it) So I did.After the movie he said he had to go to the bathroom. So I waited for him. Well I was facing the other direction leaning onto the wall with my shoulder and I felt a tap on my back, So I turn around and he kissed me. I looked at him and we just didnt say anything. We walked off towards his car. He then apologizes to me when we get outside. He said *Sorry about that kiss. I really wanted to in the movies but I dont handle rejection too well so I thought I would sneak one in on you.We then went to the beach to a spot that is very private to me. (Its my peaceful spot, and its a very specific spot.) He liked it which relaxed me a little. We started to talk and talking lead to touching and touching lead to kissing and then… I stopped him. I said I dont want to do anything to make you uncomfortable. He said me either. I told him *You said you just wanted to be friends, I dont want to ruin that. If anything happens I am not expecting anything afterwards. He agreed. Well next thing I know he asked me… *Where is the craziest place you had sex? …well after we had finished our business on the beach, yes, our business, We went back to his house.I woke up in his bed but pretended to be sleeping. Well about 5 minutes later he gets a call from his mom (She speaks loud so I heard everything she said) She said *Hey honey, me and your father are passing through Orlando now…a long conversation later… Did you ever talk to (my name)? He then gets out of bed and says *Hold on mom, I just woke up. He then leaves the apartment. He comes back in about 10 minutes later and lies back down, says his good byes to her and goes right back to sleep. A few hours later he wakes up, we have our morning fun again. As we get dressed he goes into his closet and says *Theres something I want you to have. He comes out with a small ring. He gives it to me and as Im looking at it he goes back in and says *I was looking for my wedding ring, but maybe I threw that out. Oh well shit happens. Then we go to a restaurant.While there he gets another call from his mom (They are driving to come visit him from another state, she normally doesnt call this much)She was talking to him so I decided to check the voice mail I had received earlier. While doing so he looked up at me and said *Yeah, shes sitting in front of me… shes on the phone. Okay, Ill talk to you later, bye. When I finished checking the voicemail, I said *sorry I was on the phone… He said *Oh no, its okay, she just wanted to say hi. (keep in mind I have never met her in my life)After he dropped me off at my house I enjoyed the rest of my day. Around 9:00pm I got a text from him saying he missed my company. He then asked me *Next weekend, do you have plans? I said *Not that I’m aware of, do you? he said *Yes, Im coming to pick you up on Friday till Sunday. (Now red flag… This is the behavior that made him say to me that we were moving to fast.) What gives with this guy?=========My QuestionsAfter reading that long story (for which I do apologize. I tried to shorten it as much as possible) Here are my questions:*Is this just going to be a “friends with benefits” situation?*If he just wanted to meet up as a friend, why would he bring a condom?*If he is just using me, why would he tell his mom about me, and further more, if she is so interested in if hes with me or not, it means hes talking good right?*whats with the ring, if it even means anything? and why would he be looking for his old wedding ring?*If this is a game... where do you guys learn to play this at? Do you go to college of some sort, because either im incredibly stupid, or you guys can play a game pretty good.If this is going to be a friends with benefits then damn let me know so I wont care about him, just his abilities in bed. (wouldnt that be less awkward later for you anyway?)So from a guys POV, what is he trying to tell me?
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broke up, condom, divorce, ex-wife, facebook, friend with benefits, his ex, kissing, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 May 2011):
 To me it seems like he's told his mom that you are his GF. Otherwise why would she want to say hi?
But then again who knows ?!
Ask him. Tell him what YOU want from him (relationship or friendship NOT FWB) be honest.
Also, why did you sleep with him if you are so uncertain about your "standing" with him?
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