A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts: I met this girl who seems real nice, sweet and down-to-earth from Europe (Poland). She seems to like me, flirts a hell of a lot, and I been thinking of asking her out. She is stunning, does some modeling, is here on a work visa. Only thing is, in the past few months we known each other, we got to talking more personal stuff, we got to talking about relationships and she casually mentioned that she never really had a long-term one and never "really had a boyfriend". Sure, many many flings but nothing long-term. I found it hard to believe, and when I questioned her, she just shrugged and smiled. I mean this girl is amazing looking, tall, gorgeous. Seems like she could get any guy she wanted. So I am nervous now. I am wondering what is going on. She is single now, which amazes me, and she says she never had a real boyfriend?? I am an average looking guy with an average job. It makes me wonder what is going on here. Is it a red flag?? Is she after something?? My friends say watch out. Help?
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 It's 50/50.
Like some Aunts say, love is in large part a matter of draw of luck, you need to meet the right person at the right moment, and just being pretty does not guarantee that this can happen.
On the other hand, yes, being an Eastern European immigrant , unmarried, close to 30 and with not stronger ,more impressive qualifications than " doing some modeling " ( a very vague description that may include anything from doing runway for top stylists to naked pics for wank magazines ) will spur some girls to reinvent themselves in any light that may be the most appropriate to impress a financially secure American citizen.
Go ahead , if you hit it off- but, proceed with caution.
A
female
reader, turtle escape +, writes (9 May 2011):
Just because she is so beautiful doesn't mean she has to have a lot of boyfriends. She may have just never found the right guy some people are good at reading people early on. She may also be really self conscious and insecure which would make her more reluctant to get into a long term relationship because she may not feel like she would be good in one. Now she may be something else but why automatically assume that when you may have a chance with a great girl.Some guys who are rich and above average looking can be jerks.maybe she recognized you as a good guy. Dont be so hard on yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Lol well she has said that she has had flings so she's been sexually active perhaps lots in the past. Maybe they didn't delop into proper relationships because she didn't want them to or they weren't the right people or they both wanted to be free and unattathed.
...............................
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Hello,
The question you need to ask yourself is, "is she looking for a way into the USA?" If you both hit it off, then you may never truly know if she loves you or if she is using you as a means to gain a Visa through marriage. That would be my red flag.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 May 2011):
 Just because she is stunning doesn't mean she would have had lots of BF's. I have known many really pretty girls who have had a hard time getting dates.
The only red flag I see is that she is here on a visa. Which mean she might have to go home sooner rather then later and if you two hit it off.. that would suck.
...............................
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (9 May 2011):
 she's trying to get a visa by lying to you that she never had a boyfriend.this is what european women often do (i am from europe). especially polish and russian girls. ur an average guy with a steady job,at the right age to get married. thats what she wants.shes trying to find a way to stay in the US.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): I say give it a go but don't ignore the possibility that it is a red flag.
The previous posters are only half correct in my opinion. People that are "unlucky" in love are generally responsible for that themselves. You just cannot ignore someones history, there is always a reason why someone has never had a long term relationship and that almost always comes down to that person and their ability to sustain one. Now if she's as pretty as you say then there is no chance in hell that every guy in her entire life was scared of her beauty, no chance, her looks mean there would have been lots of suitors.
I find there are lots of reasons to be "unlucky" in love. You say this girl is gorgeous and very flirty, imagine dating her and you're not the only guy she's that flirty with, what if she doesn't stop that kind of behaviour when she does have a boyfriend? Her looks and acting like that would make guys very insecure, jealous and possessive. That could be one reason.
She could also just be very picky, or she could be just be flaky and fickle, likes one person one minute and gets bored of them quickly. She could have a transient personality that just doesn't like to settle on one person, and the fact she's beautiful means she'll always have other options and always have other guys ready to date her.
There's also the possibility that the person she seems to be now is not the real her at all, she may turn into some controlling bossy psycho once she starts dating someone.
Look I can list a million different possibilities I really can, and you just can't ignore someones relationship history, it matters and that history is almost always a good indication of a persons suitability as a partner.
But you know what, you should take the risk anyway, she sounds nice, you like her and who knows, you may be the one that becomes her first long term relationship. Basically the only way you'll find out what her deal is, is to give it a go. Don't let it stop you taking a chance but do keep your guard up a bit. Don't jump feet first into this one, a persons relationship history is never just about being "unlucky" sure we all have our share of bad luck, but we make most of that ourselves.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): My boyfriend who's around the same age as your lady friend, told me the same thing. He didn't have much expeirence in the bedroom, and no serious relationships. I did think it was a red flag, I thought something must be wrong and I just hadn't known him long enough to see what it was. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him! We've been together over a year and I'm still shocked to this day I found such a catch. Give it a shot, you just might be in the same position ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 May 2011):
 I agree with Chigirl.
Not all women are lucky in love. Not all women have had past boyfriends at 28 - sometimes life isn't fair.
Just because she is beautiful and lovely, doesn't mean that the boys have been trying to beat down her door. They may have actually avoided her being too scared and not thinking they had a chance.
There are many reasons why some women are inexperienced at 28, often its lack of opportunity. Guys like you run a mile, because they feel that there is something wrong with her. It becomes a catch 22 situation. Obviously she must be damaged/hiding something/up to no good.... right?
I suspect it goes like this, she finds a guy she likes, tells them she has never had a boyfriend, they decide it's too much like hard work as they want an 'experienced model' and leave her, so she is still single, still without that experience that will make her attractive. Doesn't matter if she is the most gorgeous woman around...
So, what are you going to do? Run away like all the men before because you feel that there is something hideously wrong with her? Or maybe give her the benefit of the doubt and see for yourself? She may just be waiting for the right man to sweep her off her feet because he cares enough to take the time to look deeper and past her lack of ex boyfriends.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): This is the problem that really good looking girls have - men seem to think they don't stand a chance with them and therefore don't bother trying. The girl, on the other hand, probably doesn't think she's anything special.I don't see what you have to lose unless you work for the intelligence services and she's a spy.I'd recommend putting your toe in the water so to speak, test the temperature and see if you can't generate her interest in you. Faint heart never won fair lady, as the saying goes.Best of luck.Phil
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 That would explain why she never had a boyfriend, guys, like you, get scared and take off.
Really, this isn't a red flag. Who knows why she never had anything serious, maybe she didn't like the men she met, wasn't lucky in love, doesn't like polish men or is too free spirited. Could be she's too beautiful and guys are scared of approaching her, other than the not-so-good- man whores who try it on with everyone.
If you don't attempt at a relationship with her because she's never had a serious relationship before... well then you know why she's never had a serious relationship. Because guys are scared of taking the plunge and date a gorgeous stunning down to earth woman, thinking something must be wrong with her since she's interested in (your own words) an average guy.
...............................
|
