A
female
age
26-29,
*mandamarie12
writes:Hey everyone I've been debating whether or not I should ask for help on this problem because it's so long and confusing but I'm really confused and need help and need to get this all off my chest.I've always had a great relationship with my boyfriend and his friends, we have all been really close and have always hung out a lot and stuff.About 4 months ago, my boyfriend and his male friends all went to some party and they all met some girl there and since then everything has changed.From what I've heard from my boyfriends friends, apparently this girl is amazing in bed and is really kinky and stuff, has a really great and outgoing personality, extremely funny, really flirty and sexy, basically every guy's dream girl. They all act like they're obsessed with her. Not only that, but most of them have been sleeping with her and are always telling stories about it.My boyfriend's friends never really want to hang out or do anything with my boyfriend and I anymore, and whenever they do want to hang out, they want to bring this girl along. Whenever this girl has been around with my boyfriend and his friends, she's always touching and flirting with all of them including my boyfriend and I just sit there looking stupid and I'm the odd one out. She over powers me with her personality and I basically get ignored when we're all together with her. She doesn't seem interested in getting to know me at all even though I've been trying to become friends with her and I guess it's because I'm a girl. It's a really weird and confusing situation I'm in.My boyfriend is friends with the girl, but he doesn't act the way his friends do with her (he doesn't sleep with her or flirt with her, etc.) but she does flirt with him and has asked him if he would ever have sex with her. From all of the sexual stories my boyfriend's friends have told him about her, I am a little worried that he could possibly be interested in her as well. Since she is always around with my boyfriend's friend's, my boyfriend is around her often as well when he's with his friends. She invites my boyfriend and his friends out to parties and stuff, and no one ever really invites me anymore. I miss how close My boyfriend and his friends and I use to be. I'm always the one left out now, they always want to be with her. Why have they all become distant with me and want to be with her now all of the time? I feel like she is betterthan me and I can't compare with her. I just miss being friends with them it's like I don't even really exist to them anymore. What can I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I went and found those links I mentioned.
You didn't tell us how your boyfriend justifies his flirting with her and if you two have discussed this situation. That would be helpful.
In the meantime, here are some links to questions similar to yours that may be helpful:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-i-move-on-from-my-boyfriend-or.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/everyone-including-my-boyfriend-seems-to-want-to.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-b-f-is-flirty-and-has-become.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/trouble-making-girl-flirting-with-my-boyfriend-and.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/boyfriend-cyber-gf-is-begining-to-worry-me.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-worried-that-this-girl-might-start-flirting.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/bf-friend-is-begining-to-threaten-my-relationship.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-talks-to-a-girl-who-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-im-being-pushed-out-of-my.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-like-this-other-girl-is-ruining.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/girls-how-do-you-deal-with-flirty-women.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-relationship-isnt-going-well-and-he-has.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/annoying-friend-but-she-is-friends-with-my.html
Get back to us after you have a chance to read them, thanks!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 May 2013):
I notice you say "my boyfriend and HIS friends" (emphasis added). They aren't YOUR friends, I think. I expect you may have overestimated their interest in you as a person.
I think Eyeswideopen has it right, sit back and and watch this burn out. Eventually, they'll get bored of it and move on to the next interesting toy.
You are making a mistake comparing yourself with her. I think there were a lot of questions similar to this posted recently; I'll see if I can find some that you can read that will sound very familiar.
Look, you're in that age from 18-21 where people start to move on from high school and go on to college or other educational training options, or go on to start their working life.
It's a time of transition. People try stuff out, obviously this particular group of guys is enjoying having sex, with this girl and I expect other girls as well, you've just singled this one out. I can't imagine they are lining up outside her bedroom waiting to take turns. If they are, well, then what the hell are you doing being friends with guys like that? Those are pretty freaky dudes if that's the case, and if your boyfriend is close to them then maybe he's a pretty freaky dude himself.
You miss being friends with them because you imagined they were something they were not. I guess you were wrong. Oh well, that happens, too bad, time to cultivate friends of your own. I mean, you describe them as HIS friends, not your friends, so you were always on their outskirts anyway, not really in their inner freaky circle.
What can you do? Stop looking at this with wishful thinking and low self-esteem. Start looking at this with cold clear eyes that see that maybe they're kind of shallow guys who don't mind sharing semen with one another via a surrogate.
What's weird and confusing for you is that the type of attention you enjoyed, which was being the only girl in the bunch, where they respected the limits of monogamy and didn't become assholes and try to hit on you, is not the only type of attention these guys are capable of showing.
They also like to flirt sexually, sleep with girls and act like young studly dudes. Woohoo! Free sex! And then more free sex! Woohoo!
Because you are in a relationship, the only way you can get their sexual attention would be to break up with your boyfriend, and hop into all their beds. Sounds like a really stupid plan to me, but if that's what floats your boat, go for it.
If your boyfriend is friends with these guys and is flirting with her, sorry to tell you this, but he's not actually such a great boyfriend.
I might consider cutting him loose, hanging out with your real friends and no longer having to deal with watching hormonally crazed young things have sex with each other.
If you don't have other friends, then you have a problem. THAT may be the real issue, that you don't have anyone but your boyfriend and HIS friends. I'm betting that is the case.
In which case, I expect your girlfriends from the past don't hang out with you anymore because your boyfriend and HIS friends are kind of assholes.
Which you can't see because you aren't looking at this objectively and the low self-esteem thing is keeping you stuck.
I'd ignore the grouping sexing rituals, if he wants to indulge in flirting with another girl then I dump his stupid hide and not look back.
Why the hell are you even with him?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I guess if she isn't interested in being your friend but more into being the local bicycle then all you can do is sit back and see if she burns out. She obviously has some issues so just wait and see. Hopefully your boyfriend will rise above an easy lay. But if he does succumb please make sure he gets tested for STD's before you have any sexual contact, that is if you decide to take him back. But usually girls like that do get old hat and burn themselves out.
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