A
female
age
30-35,
*olorfulrain
writes:Okay so I'll start off by saying I'm 19 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for three years.I don't want it to seem like I'm a drama queen so please don't get the wrong idea, I just really need to explain this.I feel like this other girl is ruining my life..She is my boyfriend's best friend's ex girlfriend and she knows a lot of my friends so I know this girl. She met my boyfriend from a party one night about a month ago. I want to be nice about this but she is known to be an 'easy' girl who has slept with a lot of men and is very flirty so I was worried from the start about her being friends with my boyfriend.Ever since she met him a month ago she has been flirty with him non stop. I've heard her talking with my boyfriend several times and it's always been really flirty. She's always sending him pictures and is trying to become really close with him.It was hard for me to talk about this with my boyfriend but one night I decided to calmly tell him how this girl is making me feel. It ended in a bit of a fight and she found out about this fight me and my boyfriend had over her and she is using it to her advantage. She now is spreading rumors about me to my friends and trying to ruin my friendships with them and is getting even more involved with my relationship with my boyfriend. She was there to 'comfort' my boyfriend when we had that fight about her and she is trying to get him to dump me. She knew exactly what she was doing. So to wrap it all up, I feel like she is the reason I am now having so many problems with my boyfriend and now even my friends have been acting weird with me ever since she started telling them rumors about me. And what hurts me the most is all of my friends (well, my male friends at least) including my boyfriend likes this girl. She gives them a lot of attention and can manipulate men very easily. Nobody especially my boyfriend understands what this girl is doing. Even 2 of my female friends have told me that this girl has tried to start trouble in their relationships in the past.I come to you guys because I just don't know what to think about all of this. I'm really depressed lately and I feel like everyone is turning on me and favoring this girl now. Any ideas on how to deal with this?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 April 2013):
 I would not argue about her with the BF again, whenever you even TALK about her you give her power, you make her more interesting.
IT IS OK that you don't like her, but I would rather just ignore her or use the "kill her with kindness" thing. JUST because she is friends with friends of yours doesn't automatically mean you HAVE to be her friend as well.
As for her ruining relationships. Here is the deal. If she flirts with a guy who already has a GF and he doesn't nip it in the BUD then he is enjoying her attention or he thinks it's harmless. Facts are, you CAN NOT steal another person's partner. UNLESS they WANT to be "stolen". People are not shoes. That have choices and thoughts.
Let he be and her rumors, the more you fight it the more people will believe there is something to it.
Make her a non-subject. Which means don't bring her up and if others bring her up just shrug and tell them that you can't control what she says or thinks.
You will meet more people like her in your life. The more you waste emotions & thought on them, the more "power" they gain in your life.
And btw, no she isn't the only reason you have problems in your relationship. You don't trust your guy to not fall for her flirting or you think him so simple minded that she can "steal" him. Which leads to unnecessary drama. He is with YOU, right? Not her? So focus on you and him, not her.
A
female
reader, babu3u +, writes (19 April 2013):
 Is very sad how your boyfriend doesn't care how this women is making you feel. The moment you told him how uncomfortable she makes you feel he should have stopped that relationship to tell you the truth this guy is not worth it. If he doesn't put his girlfriend first instead of this girl who he doesn't even know first this is very bad. I think you should tell him that you will give him one more chance to stop this relationship with this girl if he doesn't his lost move on to someone who will actually try to understand you and do all he can do to make you happy.
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