A
female
age
30-35,
*ycgirl12
writes:Hello everyone! I was having problems last year and came to this site and was very happy with the answers and advice I received, this really is a great site and I am happy to be back in some way haha.So my boyfriend and I are in a happy and long term relationship but recently I have found myself in a very frustrating situation. I treat my boyfriend the best I can and I have always given him his space because he loves to online game a lot with his friends and have his privacy. That being said, my boyfriend and his friend's have all recently met a certain woman. You know how it is with young gamer men and them meeting a very attractive gamer girl, they all went crazy horny and excited haha. Doesn't help at all that this woman is a major flirt and takes a particular liking to my boyfriend...I didn't really take too much notice of this until my boyfriend was Skyping with his friends one night while I was at his house and I notice a girl who I didn't recognize was there in the call. I just kept quiet and gave my boyfriend his space and continued to watch tv and play a game on my phone.Well, I could hear my boyfriend's Skype call and I can hear this woman and she is flirting with the guy's like crazy, including my boyfriend. Over the weekend I realize she has added my boyfriend on Facebook and is messaging him all of the time and writing on his wall about how much fun she has gaming with him. I felt sick to my stomach. I know you guy's are probably thinking how pathetic I am to be upset over a girl online but you have to realize that my boyfriend games all of the time and it is a big part of his life, and this girl has been gaming with him and his friends every day for a couple of weeks now. My boyfriend and this girl's 'friendship' is getting really close...really fast, and I'm worried.Ever since that night I found out about this girl I have been kind of obsessing over this...and I know that it's not healthy. I always gave my boyfriend so much space and alone time but ever since this happened I am always online and wanting to be involved in the conversations between my boyfriend and this woman. I join the conversation for the first time, my boyfriend introduces me to her as his girlfriend and I say hello and I try to be nice and guess what happens? The girl completely ignores me and continues gaming with my boyfriend, still being flirty with my boyfriend and not even acknowledging me, she was just completely ignoring me and giving my boyfriend all of the attention. I felt like total crap and eventually left them alone and went offline and was devastated for the rest of the night, only to find out from my boyfriends friend the next day that the girl was making fun of me after I left. I almost feel as if I'm an outsider and I just always worry about this girl and worry about her around my boyfriend. How did a situation like this happen? I had such a great relationship with a man and now it's all going down the drain because of some new woman he has met? My boyfriend still continues to give me affection and still acts like he loves me and involves me in him and his friends conversations, but I just can't handle watching another girl flirt with the guy I love. I can't stand this girl and she gives the same attitude right back at me. I'm really worried and haven't been happy at all since this has happened. What's wrong with me?I would prefer my boyfriend not to speak with this girl anymore but then I am going to sound like a controlling freak while the other girl continues to give my boyfriend so much attention, she is just getting way too close to my boyfriend and I'm scared about where this is eventually going to lead to.What should I do...how can I handle this?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 You should stop worrying about sounding like a control freak and instead listen to yourself and your needs. You are entitled to have needs in a relationship. You say over and over how patient you have been with your boyfriend, how you give him space etc.
But should you really be giving him so much space? He is in a relationship after all, should he not be spending time with you? Should he always be gaming? Should your relationship come second to his gaming? Second to his friends? Second to this random girl he just met?
I know you are focusing all your attention on this girl, but she isn't the problem. If your boyfriend respected you he would NEVER allow this girl to ridicule you after you left. If your boyfriend put his relationship first he would not spend all his time gaming. If he respected you, he would not allow her to flirt so heavily with him. Your problem here isn't this girl, your problem is that you have a boyfriend who is a passive participant in this relationship.
You need to talk to him about his gaming, the extent of it, and now also the problem with this girl. That your boyfriend needs to draw the line. He can't just go along with everything, just because you're giving him so much space. You gave him all this space, and let him game so much, and do with his time what he wanted, because you trusted him, because you didn't feel your relationship took damage from it. But now it is damaging your relationship, and he has let things slide out and gone too far.
He doesn't need to stop gaming, but perhaps you should discuss the time he spends on gaming, versus the time he spends with you. You are in a relationship, and that relationship needs to be a priority. A relationship needs work, for the two people involved to put in their effort. This seems to be lacking now, and needs to be restored. Go out more, go on dates. Spend more time together, and less time gaming and "being patient and giving him space".
Also, talk about where the line needs to go when it comes to this girl. Tell him you heard from friends that she made fun of you. Ask to see the log/hear from him if that is correct. Ask him how he feels about her treating you like that. Ask him how he feels about her flirting with him. Don't accuse or blame, just ask. This needs to be discussed so you can hear his side of the story as well.
Once you've both hard each others side of the story, try to find a solution. Perhaps he should still game with her, but draw the line and not accept e-mails from her? Maybe block her from sending him private messages? Or perhaps stop gaming with her if she wont stop? Or perhaps just ignore her, and not hang out/chat with her outside of gaming?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): My BF is a gamer too but you are way too understanding about 100% more then what I would be.Tell him how you feel and tell him you dont want him talking to her anymore. If has a problem not talking to her then alarm bells should definitley go off.
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A
male
reader, CounsellorRalph  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 You are a very understanding young lady, How ever this flirting sounds like it could very easily get out of control. How would would you feel if they had cyber sex? or decided to meet up? Tell your boyfriend How you feel about this. Ask him how he would feel if you did the same thing. If this relationship is going to be long term, your boyfriend needs to be much more aware of your needs. Ralph
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