A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The girl I like said something to me that really hurt. I realise why she said it but I cannot agree with it. I am sure she didn't mean to hurt me so deeply but it is affecting me.Simply put: I was having a bad day and I decided to delete my facebook account. I didn't in the end but the reason I gave for wanting to delete my account was spending too much time online. She said I have weak character for doing that. Sadly she doesn't know me. I helped care for my bed bound dementia suffering grandfather for over two years before he died. I didn't have to but I did it anyway. Everyone admired me for it. No one else helped as much. Even his sons (my uncles) couldn't cope. That's why it upsets me.I don't know how to tell her it hurt me so much.Help.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 Hi there, First of all, I am not sure that she knows that you cared for your grandfather, if you told her, alright, that's very admirable of you and she knows it. But she is very careless in what she said to you. I don't think that you should necessarily think that she was disregarding what you did for your grandfather, it was said in another context about another subject, I would not connect the two, as you are doing. That's why you are feeling as you are, You think and probably righty so, that she should have related the two. But people don't always do that, so I would not ake it as persoanal as you have, and relate it to what you did for your grandfather. The other thing is that you are having a little bit of self pity, you did a great thing for you grandfather, you will certainly be blessed for doing it, I feel, but don't look for others to think that you did something great. Now the special question that you have, how do you tell her? If you are friends of a sort, she will never know how she hurt you unless you tell her. Let her know, if you want to open the conversation, ask her why she said what she did, and go from there. Explain to her that you were very hurt by it and you think she should not have said what she said. In order to move forward as friends or whatever, you have to talk to her about what she said. As my grandfather told my mother once before I was born, "don't hold things inside, because, you will burst". It is true, things fester if you don't talk about them and clear the air. Let her know what you thought about what she said, clear it up and do it without arguing. I do think you will feel better about it, however it turns out. This is only having respect for yourself, and making her undersstand what her action did to you. Take care of yourself and good luck, Stay in touch.
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