A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay here is my previous post and question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-if-she-is-genuine-and-it-is.htmlMy girlfriend and I have broken up now.I have spent more than 20k on her in the past 8 months. I bought her various gifts from Bobbi Brown, Charles and Keith, paid her credit card bills, telephone bills and even gave her cash as a monthly "maintenance/salary" as she asked for it. I had even bought her a Mac Book Air, paid her student debts and even some other miscellaneous expenses. She kept the whole relationship secret for 8 months from her parents and friends and broke up with me when she left for the United Kingdom.I had asked her to pay me back and she agreed to do so just to "shut me up" but she has ceased all communications with me and I had even met her father and told him about the whole incident. I also emailed her brother about it and heard nothing from him.She owed her ex-bf about 15k as well and when they broke up he took everything back from her and she has not paid him back a single cent and I got in touch with him recently and he said what she owes him is now bad debt.I have lodge a police report about this issue and now am considering legal action against her for deception by fraud and theft, where she had misled me in the relationship for her own equitable gains both financially and materially. She had also admitted that she relied heavily on her ex-bf financially and that put a lot of strain on him and they broke up.She said she loved me but things changed when she went to the UK as she ignored me for sometime and never want to communicate with me before calling it off, all during the time when my father was in the hospital.I need some thoughts and opinions on this.Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): Well guys thanks for the comments, but I do have valid evidence to prove that she owes me as she has mentioned and acknowledge via email that she will pay me and also she confessed that she relied financially on her ex boyfriend.
I think I have a case in this matter...
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 well, this woman sounds like a professional con artist. unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she did anything illegal. everything you did for her, you did out of the good grace of your heart, assuming she loved you and just wanted to be with you. unfortunately, you put your guard down and she took you for a ride. and while i feel terrible for you that this woman did this to you, i don't see exactly how you can manage to get your money back.
you bought her all of these things as gifts and to help her financially at the time with no intent on her paying you back, as you were dating. and i'm assuming if you two were still together, you wouldn't be asking for this money back. but since she used you, now you're angry and justifiably want to be reinbursed. i'm just not sure this would hold up in court. not sure if there's any charge for being a "gold-digger."
i'm sorry this happened to you. next time i guess you'll probably hold on to your wallet a little tighter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): You gave these things as gifts , you're at fault for beig to extravagant in your gifts, you have no case I'm afraid .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 It might be fraud, but you can't sue someone for buying into cheap lies and stories. If someone sold you a near bankrupt company, and you knew it was close to bankrupcy, I doubt you'd get anywhere with filing a report.
She doesn't owe you anything. There are no legal papers of her owing you anything. What you gave her were gifts.
Learn your lesson, never do this again. Never lend someone money, never give gifts you can't afford to give. She never gave you any guarantees that the relationship would last, the best bet you'd have at that would be marriage and with a prenup.
I feel with you, really I do. I got used financially by my ex as well. It SUCKS. Big time. He even owed me money, formally, I had paperworks and proof, but even that isn't guarantee enough, because he has nothing of value that I could get my money back from. I'd have to wait about 3-4 years if I wanted to see that money, AND in the meantime I'd have to pay the expenses of going through a formal case to get money back.
It depends on how much of value you think you can get back from her, but without any proof that she actually owes you anything... And when things are given as GIFTS you have no legal right to claim it back.
Don't repeat your mistake, and spread the word about her, and warn people you know about stepping into the same mistakes. Then perhaps our misfortune can help someone from making the same shitty mistake.
It'll take time, but as long as you can financially survive and isn't left broke because if this, let it go. Let it be in the past, and move on. Karma will get her. She'll end up with no friends and she wont be able to pull this off forever, so she will pay, one day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 May 2011):
 I am not sure you really have legal recource or that you would actually see a penny of it. Might have to find a lawyer and see.
Seems like she knows how to get men to pay her stuff and it also seems like they have no complaints til she dumps them..
I hope you have learned a lesson in all this. You can not buy love.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 May 2011):
 my thought is that your money is unrecoverable.
even if you get a court order for restitution you will have to get a garnishment of her wages to repay you... not easily done esp. if she opts to work "under the table" or not work at all.
I think you need to chalk this up to "live and learn"
sadly.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 May 2011):
 This is a legal question about extremely delicate financial issues. You're going to have to talk to a lawyer about this.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (26 May 2011):
 There is an American saying "A fool and his money are quickly parted".Ask yourself. WHY did you buy all these gifts and lavish on this woman with financial blessings? You barely knew this woman before you started "lending" her money. IF, and ONLY IF you have laws and legal documents say that you man LOANS and what the terms of those loans were can you SUE her.Otherwise, from appearances you are just the jilted boyfreind who was used to finance her fun. READ the quotes you put from your first post..." i dont need ur help anymore.. i dont need u anymore. bye""u don't have to help me. i ask my brother to do it. i dont like ppl who agree to help but make such complains and etc. yes i ask u to help.. but i dont need to be insulted in that way (yes i feel insulted) so dont have to help me its not the end of the world"When you no longer were willing to give her EASY "help". She was done. She was having a relationship with you, she was having a love affair with your bank account.This was a VERY EXSPENSIVE LESSON. Make smarter choices next time. Let someone into your life and heart for a long time before you allow them the use of your credit card.Best wishes.
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