A
female
age
30-35,
*irgin18
writes:Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We moved in together 4months ago, and things have been going pretty good so far. He started a new job about a week ago and while in the process of meeting the coworkers in his department he also met this girl who asking him if he would be willing to carpool. The logic she gave is that she was in the process of moving away from work and closer to were my bf and I live. It takes my bf about an hour to get to work everyday, and another hour to get back home, so the girl said that she could help him with gas if he was to take her back home from work a few days during the week (she does not have a car). My bf and I have great communication so he told me about it the very same day they had this conversation. The thing is that I don't how to feel about him driving a girl his age to her new apartment. My bf has always have more female friend than male, he grew up in a house full of women so we is very confortable around women. So he doesn't see this carpooling thing as a big deal. He has never given me reason to not trust him, and we love each other very much, but I have always been a bit apprehensive about the fact that he has so many female friends just because of the way I am, so this carpool thing makes me feel iffy to say the least. He says that he is really interested in the offer because it would help him with gas (which is a lot). And I know this is the real reason why he wouldn't mind doing this, but I don't like the idea of him spending time with this girl outside of work, even if it is just an hour drive at the end of the day, especially if it is to take her to her place?Idk, what do you guys think? Would any girl in this forum let her bf carpool a female coworker everyday to work?Thanks
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male
reader, my2p +, writes (11 September 2016):
 I am a guy and have a female coworker living near my house. We both leave from home around the same time and leave office around the same time in the evening too. Office is about 16 miles away and takes 22 min with no traffic. This female coworker lives with her boy friend. I am married with a six year old kid.My situation is different though. My wife encouraged me to ask my co-worker for car pooling, since I have problems with my lower back. I would have gladly asked had the coworker been male, but because of the following reasons I decided not to:1. I don't want to create any problems for her with her boy friend. Her boy friend may not like this proposal.2. I don't even want to put myself in a situation where I am with an adult female, without a third person around. Having a third person gives a clear message that nothing is going on between the two of us. In your case, I would recommend having this third person with them.3. People in my neighborhood and my office can think differently about this, if they see us being together every day.4. Men are men! In my case, I do not find my coworker attractive at all, but in other cases, men get attracted to other women. I do find a lot of women (other than my wife) very attractive, but I never put myself in any situation where I am alone with them. This is to protect myself from even putting myself in situations where there is room for slipping.Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, virgin18 +, writes (1 November 2012):
virgin18 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi guys! I just wanted to thank you all for your responses and great advises (especially the last anonymous male reader). After talking it through with my boyfriend and thinking about it by myself I realized that I was being a little stupid due to my own insecurity, not because there is a lack of trust on my part. I came to realize that I have to trust the fact that he loves me very much. As it was the experience of one of the male readers, he told me he didn't have to look anywhere else because what he has at home with me if more than enough for him. He has been car pooling the girl for about 2 weeks now and the whole thing hadn't even crossed my mind again until this morning, when I got at email saying I got an answer to this question! Hahaha! So what I am trying to say, is that after sleeping on it I feel like I was making a big deal out of something really stupid. I love and trust my boyfriend and I am not going to let stuff like that get in the way of our relationship.
Thank you all!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): I went through the same issue the writer seems to be going through. I have always gotten along well with the girls rather than guys. When my gal found out I was working with several 'hotties' and one wanted to be in a carpool with me she was not exactly in favor of it. She met the carpoolee and noticed she had a wonderful figure, built like a brick ***house. We carpooled for several months and my gal was livid, to the extent that when we had an office party, the poolee was there dressed to kill and my gal got totally blitzed, having too much to drink. When the party was over we went home, she got sick and there I was holding her head over the white telephone, all the while she was crying and, well, you know. She said I didn't love her! That was absolutely NOT true. I told her, inbetween her spasms, that if I did not love her, would I be holding her head, wiping her mouth, flushing and helping as much as I could? In reply to the question, you must TRUST your man and he must trust you. If the situation was reversed would he say anything to you about riding with a guy who looks like Adonis? You say you communicate, but to what extent? Jealousy sucks, so what are you jealous about? The statement I made to my gal was one I really meant: "Why settle for hamburger when I have filet mignon at home!" She understood and we are STILL together!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): "Humans tend to develop attachments to other humans they spend a lot of time with. I have seen it happen to friends."Yes, you are right that people can form attachments to those they spend a lot of time around.But does it happen with everyone? No. it's equally plausible that getting to know one another better will make her turn off to him, as she realizes he isn't her type. And also let me ask you this: if your bf were to form an attachment to another woman, what does that say about your relationship with him to begin with? I would say that it wasn't all that strong if he was so susceptible to falling for someone else. if your relationship is strong then you have nothing to fear. If it isn't, then artificially preventing him from spending time with others isn't a healthy way to protect it because this sets a pattern where you always have to be doing stuff like this. You want to be with someone who will "self police" themselves, who will take the initiative on his own not to put himself into situations that threaten your relationship. If he isn't doing that, it's not really going to help if you do it for him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): To be completely honest, I wouldn't like it either. If she doesn't have a car why is she moving so far from work. You don't know her which I think is the biggest part of the problem. If she is so bold as to ask someone she doesn't know for a ride everyday, what is to stop her from asking him to run her other places since she'll be living nearby.
I think it would be easier to say no to her now, rather than later after she is depending on him for a ride.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it isn't worth the gas money that maybe she would give. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 This guy has gave you no reason not to trust him, you causing him problems over your insecurities will ruin things, it shouldn't be down to you to 'let' him do anything, he's an adult with his own mind, your not his owner
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (24 October 2012):
 It isn't a trust issue, it's completely an insecurity issue. You think when they spend all of this time together they will naturally grow to like each other. It has nothing to do with trust, I don't feel that your fear is he will cheat whilst going back and forth to work. You fear he will leave you for her over so much time spent together. I suggest meeting her yourself. Get to know her first. Just tell your boyfriend it does bother you a little but you want to feel better about it and meeting her will help you out. There is no problem being worried and being honest about that worry with your boyfriend. It's when you start demanding he does or doesn't do something that it becomes a problem. Hopefully meeting her will put you at ease, she will know he is taken and you may find she isn't all that or has a boyfriend herself.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2012):
 so if she is in the process of moving it's not happened yet.
give you time to meet her and friend her and find out what irks you about this.
yes it's forward but if it was me I'd be doing the same thing... if she had no car and he can make her commute easier for her...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2012):
 Give it a week or two and see how you feel. If it still feels weird you need to figure out exactly WHAT it is that makes your gut churn.
And it IS kind of forward to ask a new guy for a ride every day, but on the other hand it makes sense for her to ask, she has no car and you guys live close.
Another idea could be for you to meet her. Maybe that will put your mind at easy too?
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A
female
reader, virgin18 +, writes (24 October 2012):
virgin18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you girls for the responses. See I trust him, my nd has more female friends than any guy I know, and he has known them longer than he's known me. He goes out with them and I could care less about that, maybe its because I know every single one of them. So trusting him is not an issue for me. The thing that made me uneasy is that he hasn't been at his new job for even a week yet, and the first thing the girl does is ask him if he could take her home everyday. I myself wouldn't feel so confident to as anyone for rides after a day of meeting them. It is not the hour in the car that I am worried about, it is the fact that they spend all day at work together and then some after work too everyday when this whole car pool thing starts going on. Humans tend to develop attachments to other humans they spend a lot of time with. I have seen it happen to friends.
I know it should not be a big deal, and I told him so for his peace of mind and so that he doesn't think I am overly jealous. Its just I can't help to feel weird about it...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2012):
I think you are over-reacting. Help with gas money is a huge deal now.
in my office car pools get better parking.
the fact that it's a woman is irrelevant.
since she does not drive it's not like he can tell her to drive to your place and then he will drive.
and to be honest if they are going to fool around, they work together an hour away honey... there's always the no-tell motel at lunch time. (not that it's going to happen)
what do you think will happen in a car for an hour that you are so afraid of?
if you continue that tack, I fear you will lose the relationship with irrational fears.
perhaps some private counseling to figure out why you are so insecure and jealous.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2012):
My husband carpools here and there when one of his soldiers (be they male or female) need a ride. Of course it's not every day, but even if it was I see absolutely nothing wrong in it.
But then again I TRUST my husband...
Do you trust yours? If you do, you need to stop your imagination for going into all these "what if" over drive scenarios. He is driving her to work and back, that is all.
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