A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had a fantasy about sharing my wife and the feelings have become stronger. My wife is aware of this fantasy. We have role played this for years approx 8yrs). Within the last 4 years I have been talking to her about bringing this to real life. Within the last few months she has agreed to a certain point. We have agreed to have her take pictures nude with someone else in sexual postions and also just agreed after planning out for her to give oral just for a few seconds for our own video. Also she agreed to quick sexual postions for a few seconds for our own video. We decided on my old bestfriend we have not hung out with for 4 yrs. I am still in contact with him but do not hang out with him. I have joked about he and I sitting on the coach as my wife sits between us and ski's (strokes both of us) My wife said I would have to be in control of all the movements and posing of her and him. The BIG question is... I want this but have noticed once I ejeculate... my push for this dies down. Is this normal? I am not going to have sex with her doing this photo session until he has gone. He is not aware of this oral or quick sex he will be doing but I know he will agree with laughter. She said she will do this for me and only we to have the pictures and video. We agreed on him because she said she would be more comfortable with an old friend then a stranger. Once again... is it normal for these feelings to die down after ejeculation but reappear later. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): I think it is so unfair for her to do something ,for the sake of doing it for you.Expect loss of interest in sex after doing it,if you happen to do it.Emotionally it will affect her and could result into divorce!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): It is normal for any urge to die down once it is sated. If your urge dies down after you act out the fantasy with your wife, why complicate things by trying to make the fantasy a reality? By cajoling her into this and setting up your friend for more than he is aware of, you could end up losing both of them. Dont let this urge blind you to the risks you are taking with your wife and marriage. You could try role play and have a lot of sexy fun with that. That type of thing is only limited to your imagination! You certainly dont NEED to start introducing other people into your relationship with her. I appreciate you are a grown man and will make your own decisions. But the scenario you are proposing very often has a messy, ugly ending. Read some of the posts here. So do think very hard about it before you do start something which will ultimately be out of your control. Something you might live to regret.
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A
female
reader, psychic fiona +, writes (25 October 2012):
 i feel that yes she dont want to. and yes shes only doing it for you and ofcourse after she does it what would you do if she liked it to much and now you cant control her and its against god to violate thebed that is among a man and his wife, so its the wrong thing to do all the way around. just keep it a fantasy and nothing else because your opening a door that should not be open and its completly wrong you will regret it and you will feel bad for pressuring her into to it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (25 October 2012):
 Yes, it's very normal. It means you're not really that interest in doing it.
Did you read what you typed before you submitted it?
*Your wife is 'aware of' this fantasy (she doesn't share it)
*Eight years talking about it and only recently has she 'agreed to it'.
*'Agreed to' is not 'is enthusiastic about'
*'To a certain point' is a marked lack of enthusiasm
*She told you she would do this for you (translation 'I really don't want to do this but I will just to make you happy'
Your wife does not want to do this, not any of it. The other man, the pictures and videos, none of it. Daisy is absolutely right. She has been worn down after YEARS of listening to you talk about it. She hopes that giving in and trying it will satisfy you and you'll get off her back. And she doesn't want to be the bad guy or feel guilty about turning you down.
Taking intimate footage or photos of her in very intimate positions puts her at risk. You can't absolutely guarantee that those images will never be intercepted and used against her. You'd be feeding her to the wolves.
You have placed your momentary gratification above her well being. I really think you are letting your wife down here. She's been loyal to you and now you're plotting to hang her out to dry. You have a partner in life. A companion who has your back. She has no one to look out for her.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 October 2012):
 You've been talking about it for four long years and she has now agreed "to a certain point". Really, she doesn't want to do this. You have persuaded her, probably worn her down, and she's doing it to please you.
I think it's a terrible idea and you'll both have huge regrets.
I know that's not exactly what you're asking in your post, but those are my thoughts and advise.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (24 October 2012):
You've been talking about it for four long years and she has now agreed "to a certain point". Really, she doesn't want to do this. You have persuaded her, probably worn her down, and she's doing it to please you.
I think it's a terrible idea and you'll both have huge regrets.
I know that's not exactly what you're asking in your post, but those are my thoughts and advise.
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A
female
reader, Johnsgirl1982 +, writes (24 October 2012):
Has she actually told you how she really feels about doing this? I mean I know she said she would do it for you. However is she also doing it for herself? I know a few swingers and two are going through a divorce due to one or both having side activities the other didnt know about. One fell in love with someone he was having "play dates" with. In my opinion the love you have for your wife makes your feelings die down after you're finished. I think it is normal what you feel. Are you feeling regret, any kind of jealousy, fear of losing her to someone else, anything like that after you get finished? or do you mean the want to for this to happen in real life just dies down? It makes a difference how you feel exactly after you are done. When my man and I have fantasies or I talk them out in bed to him or we watch something together etc after we are done I still want to do whatever it is I have fantasised about. So you need to figure out why it dies down, what is it about it that makes you feel so differentl afterwards? Then I feel like you will have your answer.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2012):
 Please please PLEASE keep this a hot fantasy.
the second you cum you will regret it and it will cause damage.
As a woman who lost my last marriage to being open sexually with others (both men and women) I can tell you that it takes very very special people to make open marriages work. I know of three long term couples that do it successfully (all of them married in their early 20s and were open before marriage all are married over 20 years now and have always been swingers)
... every other couple I have ever known has broken up due to swinging or living an open lifestyle.
"she has said she will do this for me"
she's not doing it because she wants to.. only to please you...
doesn't that mean something to you? that she does NOT want this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): yes such fantasies are quite common in long marriages as a form of stimulant and adding spices to break the monotony in long running marriages. BUT keep fantasy to fantasy. Don't ever try to make it real. Biggest red flag is that these thoughts die down once the sexual urge is gone. that is a sure indication that you will regret it immensely afterwards and most probably destroy your marriage. I hope you havn't mentioned this subject to your friend and pls pls don't expose your wife to a compromising situation which she will regret for the rest of her life. Sorry for being so blunt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Your playing with fire, this will all soon get put of hand, jealous, rage, anger at yourself and your wife will arise.
Don't for heaven sake go through with this.. They appear because you are horny, when reality sinks in after you have ejeculated, how do you feel then, truly, think about it...
Fantasy are that for a reason, the line into reality isn't meant to be crossed.. I would never do it even for my husband, I wouldn't expect him to request such a thing..
Be sure of what you intend to do, as you will be jumping straight from the pan into the fire..
Take care
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2012):
 I think the reason your "lust" for this fantasy dies down so fast after you get off (of the fantasy) is because you are aware of HOW much living this out in reality can not only change the fantasy, but ruin the marriage and the friendship.
You wife is not into it at ALL, but because she LOVES you she is doing this.
I think this will bite you severely in the ass if you put the fantasy to reality.
Some things are TRULY better left as a fantasy.
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