A
female
age
,
*lackwidow48
writes:My screen name is blackwidow48, because of how I feel inside. I have been married for 16 years, but divorced for 2 years yet, my ex got evicted and asked if he could stay with me for a few months to save money and that was 8 months ago and he still lives here and denies that he still my husband because he never got the final divorce decree, that I personally hand delivered to him. I can't get rid of him and I believe he will probally kill us both if I tried to. He had been cheating on me the whole time we were married, but I was brained washed by him and in denial. He paid alot of the bills and was there for me when I was sick, but we never had alot of sex. He is into porn really heavy, but he love outside sex and i guess sex with himself. Well, we both are in our early 40's and the same month I left him, he claimed he met someone the same night. Nine months later the 27 year old girl, had a child and said it was his. Now, I just found this out 4 months ago after he left his phone in the house by accident and there were text and pic messages from the girl saying (your son wants to see you.) He wants us to get remarried and he says the child is not his. At first he said the child was his. Im in the dark. He want tell me the girls name who is the childs mother. He want ask for a DNA, he have not got his phone number changed and I believe the girl still texts and calls him. I did call her and asked why was she calling my husband phone and sending texts and she said, she had the wrong no. I really do depend on my ex husband income, because he created alot of debt when we were married and its in my name, his credit was bad. But when I divorced him, I didn't ask for nothing. Now, I just want him to pay off the debt he created. I need Prayer, I need to move on, I just don't know how. I do love him, not in love anymore, can never trust him anymore. I need some advice because I'm going crazy. Should I stay or Should I leave, and Why?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 January 2012):
 he stays with you... you need to get him out.
if you rent.. and his name is not on the lease get the help of the rental office to evict him... or better yet... end that lease find a new place and move and don't tell him.
if you own the home it's going to be tough to throw him out but i would contact an attorney to find out if he can be forced to leave...
in my state once they have lived in a home for 30 days you can't just throw them out... it's difficult...
if you are afraid for your life contact a woman's shelter for advice on how to do this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): You should leave him ,enough is enough ,you don't deserve to be treated in such a way .You should be happy and you have the right to live,love ,laught and be happy .
* leave
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 January 2012):
You should leave. You arn't married to this man anymore and that means legally you are a single person with no ties to him. The debt issue should have been sorted out during the divorce, so not sure why that wasn't done.
It seems your ex husband treats you like he is still married to you but it up to no good and continues to create debt and mess.
Personally I'd rather cope with the debt than have to put up with such an idiot who obviously has no respect for you and doesn't care either.
Sometimes, in order to escape an intolerable situation, you have to go back to basics. If all his debts are in your name, then that is your misfortune and it's a mess that you have to clear up. Your ex husband cannot hold you in a fake marriage, just so he can pay off his debts...he can do that on his own. The issue with the child is none of your business because you are now divorced...if you try to intervene, you are going to get involved in a whole heap of trouble.
You seem very dependant on this man and you did not seem to have a plan in place following divorce.
What were you going to do before he asked to come stay with you?...you must have had some idea how you were going to organise your single life?
If you feel threatened by this man, then you need to go to the police or the courthouse and ask for advice of how to protect yourself.
If you want to remarry this man (and I seriously hope you don't) he will continue to cheat and run up debt...and now he has a child to pay for also.
I would rather leave, handle the debt and get my own life on track than have to sacrifice the rest of my life to a lying cheating overspender whose life is a total mess...it's going to destroy your life.
You are no longer married to this man...so leave and get on with your own life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): Oh, and i forgot to mention- Get some help and make him clear this debt. I can totally understand your confusion and dilemma, for i was in the same situation as you- He says he didn't cheat on me but I can't trust him, facts kept in the dark, Why did he pay my bills if it wasn't love, am i over thinking, should i try and make this work- He is just brain washing you for his emotional needs. You are nothing more than an emotional toilet for him. And moreover, You are not happy anymore! Staying in this hell doesn't make any sense. No effort, nothing can mend broken trust and relationships. And trust me, NO WOMAN WILL MAIL THE PIC OF HER CHILD BY MISTAKE"! This will consume you and drain you emotionally. Don't over think, socialise more, get in touch with your people and feel good about life. The more you think, the more it'll make your life miserable. Remember, this is not the end of life. There are people who end their 10-11 years of miserable marriages. Your future is in your hands, now it's upto you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2012): Leave. As soon as possible.You must get out. You will never change him. No amount of yelling, begging, praying.. nothing can help, for you. You gotta bung away take all of those goofy bonding chemicals that are causing you to pine for a piece of human garbage. His lack of responsibility and his ease with lying are both fatal flaws in my opinion. I understand you are in an awful situation. This is NOT the way you want your life to be. You deserve better. Life is what you make it and trust me, there is no end to human stupidity. Some take courage to endure the pain and get out of bad relationships and some are left stuck in hell forever. You have nothing left to save, Honey. Time for you to use your brain and do something that's good for YOU. Your situation anticipate a miserable, disastrous future. Find a true man, instead of crawling back to this vomitous man. Life's short. This man is just not worth your while. Vividly remember the pain he caused you.Get in touch with your people, tell them about your situation, and get outta this with their help and support. I don't want to imagine you living a miserable life trying to make it work. Don't fall for his crap. You gotta be strong. Why not just leave and find the right person and try living a better life? After all, Life is too short to spend being miserable and it is better to accept it and move on. Life's beautiful, you are beautiful. Getting out of this is bound to brighten your life :)
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