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Should I leave him? Are his actions a betrayal?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 June 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *unset93 writes:

My boyfriend of over a year has got a house mate who used to previously have history with him.

It is only minor history, drunken kisses, but I have always had the feeling she fancied him and wanted more.

When he started dating me, she has been friendly and welcoming towards me. And I appreciate her for that, however recently she split from her own boyfriend, and has become more of a nightmare to deal with.

She has started making negative comments about me - mainly to my face. Such as "why are you so mean to him?"

"He can do what he wants"

"why arent you doing this for him"

He doesnt even stick up for me, usually just staying silent and letting it happen.

She also texts him complanining they havent spent time together and she wants things to be how they used to be...

Recently my boyfriend and I had an arguement, so she posted about in on social media. I left the room to go and calm down, refusing to cause a scene. So the two of them continued to talk about me and how ridiculous I was downstairs.

When he arrived, I obviously hit the roof, as he started making comments she had made previously downstairs about me.

Angry and upset I left to be alone, returinng a few hours later to ask for my stuff back, including the new phone I had recently bought him (Not my most mature moment, but heat of the arguement drives you to silly things)

When getting the phone, I discovered he wiped all the texts of his house mate, admitting they had continued to talk about me through text.

I am both hurt, and feel betrayed by my partner. I am also concenred how horrible these further comments must have been to cause him to wipe them from his phone.

Should i leave him?

View related questions: drunk, text

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (8 June 2015):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI agree with Honeypie, gather together all our tuff and walk, no need to exchange words, they know why you are leaving, a dignified silence is required here. Walk away and then block them both.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntShould you leave him? I say yes.

He likes having two girls fight over him, BUT he also shows YOU quite clearly that you are NOT as high "ranking" as her. Your "status" as GF is lower on the list then HER "status" as friend.

I think he is LETTING her do all these things for one of two reasons. 1. he agrees with her. 2. he is trying to alienate you, so YOU will dump him and he can date her. That way HE isn't the "bad guy". Which in turn is such a wimpy approach.

Take your PHONE and all your other belonging and walk away. I get that "balls before dolls" (she is a ball/friend) you are the "doll". BUT letting a friend DISRESPECT your GF, post rude stuff on Facebook IS never OK.

I'd honestly, BLOCK her, unfriend her and him after you break up. That way they can keep their DRAMA to themselves.

Why did he wipe the text? Well, my guess is.... she was talking smack about you and he KNEW if you saw them you would be upset. AND he probably said some unflattering things about you too.. Again.. looking out for himself, not you. However, I wouldn't worry too much about what is being said, if you dump him. Because WHO cares? they can HAVE each other..

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