A
female
age
30-35,
*ari
writes:Dear Cupid,I have feelings for this guy. We've been friends for years and his gf and him are on a break because she had to go to uni for 9 mnths now. We have been spending time together as friends. I have visited his apartment. We kissed and did things but not the actual intercourse nor oral nor anal sex. I wasn't hoping for it to come to this but I have developed feelings for him. He said that he likes me, I get him excited and he doesn't want to hurt me. He also said that he won't have sex with me as I am a virgin. Well his gf came for the holidays and he has been spending time with her which he told me beforehand. This morning he said he missed me and he confessed to me that he had sex with her and it was ish ish and he was thinking about me. I am torn but trying to keep it together, I have never had a real bf before and I like hime a lot . What should I do? Should I have a relationship or stay as friends?? Why did he tell me he had sex with her??
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (3 June 2014):
 Just saw your update. Good for you :) Take care.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 June 2014):
You should run for the hills. This guy is a liar and a cheater and he's stringing you along for the ride.
Just because you two didn't have sex does in no way mean that it's not cheating. Kissing and messing around is every bit as much cheating as sex.
Think about it this way .. if you were his gf away at college and you found out he had been kissing and messing around with another woman, would you feel okay about it? Or would it still be devastating, nonetheless? I know I've personally been cheated on before, and sex or not - it hurts like HELL.
Bottom line is this guy is not a good guy. He may be legitimately confused (however, I doubt that). But that in no way makes his behavior acceptable or justifies it. If he's so confused, and wanted to handle it like an adult, he would take a step back from his relationship and figure out what he truly wanted before proceeding. He would NOT cheat.
If I were you, I would tell this guy that you will no longer allow him to go back and forth between two women and get the best of both worlds - love and stability with his gf and a little romp on the side for excitement with you. Put your foot down. You don't deserve this. Neither does his gf. Don't continue to let his string you along.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Fari +, writes (3 June 2014):
Fari is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for advice you guys. I have not had any contact with him since, not even as friends. Its really hard! Especially since he has been texting and calling. I am tryinf to occupy myself with hobbies and stuff. Hopefully, I will meet a guy who I can love and give my all to one day :)
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (3 June 2014):
Hi,
STOP. You are being used. He doesn't want you, he wants a fling. He already has a girlfriend. He doesn't care. If I were you, I would stop all the contact. Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): No, stop stop stop. If he actually wanted you like he says, he would break up with his gf. His gf would be heartbroken and you should feel some guilt also, since you KNEW he had a gf and pursued things anyways. You need to find someone that cares about YOU. Not just as a fling or any of that.I know you will probably say, its not like that and he cares about ect ect. But take it from someone whose been around the block, if he cared, he would not do that period. My now husband, broke up with his gf before pursuing me and did not pursue me when I had a bf even though he was single.
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