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Should I just enjoy our FWB relationship as it is?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 18 February 2017)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I got out of an 8 year relationship last year, and recently I signed up for tinder with the intent of finding a FWB.

I went on dates with a few guys, but the first guy I hit it off with so well, I couldn't bring myself to pursue any of the others. We hooked up on our second date, but before that I made sure to be clear and tell him my situation and that I was only looking for something casual. He was very respectful and said that was fine and that he appreciated me being honest from the start.

Fast forward two months, we have been seeing each other once a week, hooking up, but we have also gone on full-blown dates. We text each other every day, without fail, and often he will send me a good morning message for me to wake up to. Then this weekend, we hung out all day and all night, he came to my filming studio to check out my work and meet my co-workers, and he introduced me to his friends when we went out bar-hopping/clubbing, and we enjoyed our night out so much we didn't even hook up... I was already catching feelings before this weekend but now I can't get him out of my mind. I'm falling for him and it scares me, because at the beginning I was so sure all I wanted was a FWB type deal. I've had successful FWBs before but this is the first time I've caught feels for one because we mesh so well.

Since I was the one who initially said I wanted it to be casual...I don't know how to go about telling him that I would like to upgrade our relationship. I'm terrified that maybe he doesn't want a relationship and telling him would ruin what we have...but then, it seems like he might like me as more than a FWB, too...

Should I just suppress my feelings and just enjoy what we have? Or bring it up casually and hope for the best?

View related questions: co-worker, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (18 February 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYeah you have to tell him, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. Honestly I get it was fwb you wanted but we can all change and catch feelings. Let us know what you decide and how you get on ??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017):

Tell him. If you don't the feelings will grow stronger and then you'll be even more scared to lose him and worst case scenario you'll end up committed to a man who's not committed to you out of fear of losing him by saying you'd like commitment in the future. Find out where his head is at and if he likes you it won't matter that you mentioned it.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2017):

N91 agony auntTell him.

It's really not worth getting in over your head developing even deeper feelings because you don't want to say anything and 'spoil' it. Believe me I've been there.

Get it off your chest, maybe he feels the same. If not you have your answer and can find someone who's on the same page.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (14 February 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, tell him and see what happens. If you keep falling harder and harder for him, I don't think you would enjoy much your outings anyway, in the nagging doubt that he is doing

" casual sex " while you are doing " OMG I am in love ". Suppressing feelings is a hard job and I guess it's even harder suppressing them if you keep seeing ,and hooking up with, a person who does not requite your feelings, than suppressing them if you decide you are not on the same page and you'd better part ways and move on.

So, speak up and hope for the best- but, also, be prepared for the worst :). You do have a fighting chance, but if I have to be honest I doubt that a guy goes on Tinder looking for other or more than casual sex. Maybe he was so promptly on board to do casual not out of " respect " for you, but because casual suits him just fine.

Nonetheless, based on what you say, it's worth a try; nothing ventured, nothing gained...

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 February 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYou really don't HAVE anything to lose by telling him that you have caught feelings and might want more.

Why? Because you will KNOw where YOU stand and where HE stands.

And honestly? I don't think that a guy is showing respect by being totally OK to just be a casual fling. Not any more than if he told you no thanks to casual sex.

Seems to me that you two have perhaps more in common than some chemistry and why not explore that?

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom + , writes (14 February 2017):

Phil052 agony auntI would be honest and say that although you started off just looking for some fun, you now have feelings for him and want the relationship to be a full one. Presumably the thought of him dating other women is not a good thought for you? In that case you need to open up to him and tell him how you feel! Good luck! x

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