A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm upset about a "joke" that my boyfriend made today. My boyfriend is much older than i am ( he is 21 years older than i am, and i am only a year and a half older than his son!). He hasn't seen his son much though since his son was four years old. At the moment, he hasn't seen him for a long time. He was talking about his son today, and i was about to say something about his son. Then my boyfriend said " are you going to say that you want to get in bed with me and my son?! ". I was really hurt when he said that. He said it was just a "joke", but i thought that was a really disrespectful thing to say. That has never crossed my mind. Could he have said that because his son is a similar age to me, and maybe he is insecure too?. I remember another time during an argument, he said " why don't you have sex with my son?". The age difference between me and my boyfriend has never bothered me ( and he said it hasnt bothered him ). I have never even met his son. I have never been unfaithful to my boyfriend, and never would be, and as far as i know, he hasnt been unfaithful to me. What makes it even worse is that there is a possibility that i could be pregnant by him!. We had unprotected sex last week. We have been together for fourteen months. It does seem like he loves me a lot, but then, how can he make comments like that if he loves me?. He does have a mental illness (bipolar disorder), and i have heard him come out with other strange comments before too, not just about me. So, maybe that has something to do with it too?. But should i forgive him, as he is mentally ill?.
View related questions:
be pregnant, insecure, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 I get how your bf feels. I'm 13 years older than my husband. my younger son who he is friendly with is 13 years younger... I don't obviously worry about him being friends with my son or sleeping with him but I do note that he is closer in age to my older son and able to be friends with anyone of any age...
As the older partner, it's scary to worry we are slowing down and will hold our younger partner back.
My husband keeps telling me it doesn't bother him and it only bothers me.... and I guess he's telling the truth.. and I have to learn to believe him...
An older partner being insecure about the age difference is normal.... how we express that fear and uncertainty is important.... your guy needs to figure out a better way to express his fear to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Also, he said that his son looks like him, so it could be that he thinks i would prefer his son as he would be like a younger version of him. I havent even seen a photo of his son, so i dont know if he looks like him or not. Even if i did find his son attractive, i wouldnt leave my boyfriend for him. I think it would be disgusting to go out with a man and then go out with his child!.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): This is the original poster of this question. It's funny because my dad is sixteen years older than my mum. My mum was 25 when i was born, and my dad was 41. I was born three months prematurely. I wonder if thats because i have an older father?. Or, maybe it was because there was something wrong with my mum?.I also find it funny that my parents have a big age difference , as me and my boyfriend do. Do you think it would be stupid to break up with him over this "joke" ?. I have sometimes laughed about him only being four years younger than my mum, but i have never made "jokes" about him sleeping with my mum, like he did about me and his son. I hope he did only say that because he is insecure about the age difference. Sometimes, he has also "joked " by saying " i bet you are going to meet your other boyfriend", but he knows that i wouldnt be unfaithful to him. He has also said that he thinks other men will be interested in me because he thinks i'm beautiful.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): He does seem to be insecure that you might leave him for a younger man. I am guessing his son comes to his mind because his son would be like a younger version of him and thus it stands to reason he thinks if you were to meet his son that you would prefer his son to him.
You shouldn't be having unprotected sex with someone unless you are actively trying to start a family together. There is also the risk of some kinds of genetic disorders from being conceived by an older father.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): I sense he is paranoid about the age-gap. He has bought it up by asking this question, he is asking in his way if you would prefer a younger man.
As he apologised it means he *is* sorry, it was a bad comparison mentioning his son rather than just a younger man.If he saw more of his child he would have a stronger bond and wouldn't be thinking in this way at all.
I have never heard of Bipolar being called a mental illness,more depression
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 February 2013):
 I don't think his comment is a deal breaker, but suffice to say that he put his foot in his mouth. His comment certainly wasn't very kind and if he apologized, hopefully he learned something that when it comes to sex, it isn't something to joke about.
I think on a certain level he is extremely proud that he has a young girlfriend and this was his way of bragging to you -- and to himself -- that you are young. Most guys would be envious of the situation (at least on the surface).
Again, forgiveness is in order here assuming he has apologized. I think his ego and bravado got the best of him.
Eddie
...............................
|
