A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 yrs broke up with me saying i was nagging him all the time and he had enough with me. He was the one who was verbally and emotionally abusive all the time and calls me nagging even if i call him once a day.I know i should be relieved to be out of this relationship but the problem i feel so depressed and down. I feel that even he finds me repulsive and even person like him doesnt like me. I lost interest in everything and crying all the time.How do i cope with this, please help me
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Please accept my condolences. Three years is a long time to invest in someone and I know exactly what you are going through.
Believe me, your feelings are normal... the main person that had been in your life is now gone and there is a certain amount of fear and trepidation. It is almost like losing a part of yourself.
Also it sounds like there was no discussion as to whether or not it was over... your boyfriend simply said it was over -- take it or leave it. When it comes unexpected and without an attempt at reconciliation, it can hurt even more. You don't have that closure or the feeling that you did everything you could've done to save it.
There is no magic in getting over a relationship, no matter if it was good or bad. I wish there was. Some days will be better than others and it may take weeks or months to feel good again. But take each day a moment at a time and trust me -- you will live and love again.
I would encourage you to be kind to yourself... no self-abuse (drinking / partying) and don't let yourself be vulnerable. A woman with a broken heart can be easy pickings to a player.
I would encourage you to get in touch with yourself during this time. Journal, read a book, take a vacation, get reacquainted with your friends, reset your life priorities, exercise, take up a project -- in other words set a goal for yourself. This will help you build up your self-esteem as well as make yourself more dynamic.
If you continue to feel depressed, don't hesitate to seek out professional help. Sometimes a broken heart can lead to full-on depression.
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): A boyfriend of 3 years is a big part of your life. That part has gone and you have a big gaping hole in your life at the moment, and that hurts. Hold on to that knowledge that you should be pleased to be out of it, and DO NOT GO BACK. You need to fill the hole that him leaving has left in your life. It will take time, and after a while, you will feel whole again, and happy, and so pleased he is no longer in your life. Don't fill the hole with another person. Fill it with the things you have always wanted to do, even though you don't feel like it. Dancing? Gardening? Sport? what have you always wanted to do? The ONLY thing that will heal you, is TIME, so give it TIME. It takes a long time too, so don't worry that it takes so much longer that you hope for. Don't have any contact with him, remove everything from your life that reminds you of him. Put it in a box for now if you don't want to destroy it totally. Get busy, get dressed up, and get out of the house...even though you won't be bothered to, just do it. Do exercise, go for a walk or a run, this will lift your spirits enormously. Eat well and sleep well. He didn't love you because he isn't the one for you. The 'one' for you, will love you so much that he would never do anything to hurt you or loose you. Wait for that person before you settle for anyone ever again.
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