A
female
age
41-50,
*ockwell
writes:My wife and I have been married for several years and have a one of a kind relationship. Most people we know tell us wehave the perfect marriage. We just communicate very well and are best friends and can't be 2 hrs without eachother. Our sex has always been great and we have experimented with girls. Nothing too serious, just play touch. She has always been turned on by watching another girk touch me and grind on me. Recently she has been really into wanting me to have sex with her Bestfriend of over 20 yrs while she watches. She gets very turned on by this. She wants to be involved in the fun too. We have no fears of jealousy or distrust at all. This feels like the oppurtunity for this to happen is going to come up very very soon. What should I do? Should I make her fantasy a reality? She wants to continue this even after it happens once. She wants to make her our sex buddy. Do other women get turned on by this too? Give me some feedback.....thanks
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Understood eyes, I'm out of here.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2010):
 Exactly, almasdp. This is a prime example of someone posting on DC who really isn't asking for help but has already decided what he thinks and what he's going to do. It's just argumentative and rather pointless to have any further discussion.
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A
female
reader, rockwell +, writes (17 March 2010):
rockwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell they just feel comfortable with eachother. There has been this sexual tension between them but never really did anything about it. Now that they are older its like who cares? And why not? My wife is not jealous at all if I have sex with her. It actually turns her on knowing that she might be interested in the idea to with me. She has actually told me that she wants her to come over and have sex with me while she is at work and I send her pictures of us. It turns her on. And yes I'm sure you'll think.......riiiiiight or suuuuure she said that! But she gets turned on by this. I think that might be a little too much for me.....id rather get together once in a while and use it as an exciting adventure between the three of us. As far as me being left in the cold. I don't care if they get together when I'm not there or if I have to watch sometimes. Its nice to sit back and watch sometimes. We have plans to get together this weekend and the three of us know something is going to happen...but we aren't sure how far we'll go the first time. We are going to feel it out and see where it goes. But there is lots of anticipation and excitement. I planned a night of dinner, some drinks, dancing, and a jacuzzi suite with plenty of their favorite drinks. And I didn't do all this to because this is MY BIG fantasy and I'm trying really hard. But I know what they like and and I've planned similar things before but without the suite. We'll see what happens.........
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 March 2010):
One last question.. why screw around with a friendship of 20years... women's friendships are precious. If the friend wants to screw you then the wife will be jealous. If the wife and the friend want to get it on, then you'll be left in the cold.
Threesomes I can understand, but screwing your best friend... mmmmm... again, I see a whole pile of trouble coming your way. Risking 20years of friendship for a romp in a husbands bed... them ladies have other things going on, that might not involve you.
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A
female
reader, rockwell +, writes (16 March 2010):
rockwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk ok.... now I see why everyone is saying she has no interest in men. What I meant was that she has no interest in being with other men......as in another man other than me. And no I'm not making anything up or wishing this would happen. Everything I have posted is true. I can see how some might think I'm being jealous cause another man is out of the qquestion....but its something we have talked about and she just doesn't have any interest at all in that. and like most have said...you have to lay everything out on the table. And I would have to disagree with angzw.....I think it is possible to truly understand a woman....and if you or any other woman is telling their husband or boyfriend only what they need to know or hear then what kind of relationship do you have? Why do you think we never understand what you want or what you are trying to say? Communication is a key part of a relationship and if you cant completely be open with your man then something is wrong.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 March 2010):
Why do I get a feeling that this whole threesome is not even on the table and that this guy is just a wishin' and a hopin'?
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (16 March 2010):
"She's into girls more than anything. She really has no interest in men at all."
Are you serious? So why are you (a man) with a lesbian who doesn't like men? Can you hear how lost you are? Ofcourse she prefers men! Isnt that why she's with you?! It's a pity you are also refusing to hear the opinions of women who know how other women think. Let me tell you, you can never completely know a woman. She will only reveal to you as much as she feels you should know. We have nothing to gain from what we tell you; our opinions are completely impartial so I guess its your decision.
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A
female
reader, rockwell +, writes (16 March 2010):
rockwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat you ladies don't understand is that I'm not your typical goon of a man. I'm the type of guy that women are ok with hanging out with because I absolutely understand women. I have taken lots of time in understanding women and how they think. And this is not just me telling myself this, this is what I am told by many women I know personally. In doing so women I know personally let me into their emotions and thoughts and this allows me to better understand how they think and what they reaaally are thinking because they are not afraid to tell me in fear I will get upset or not understand. This is why I say I know how they think......like I said you ladies don't understand me because you don't know me. But you have been of some help
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 March 2010):
Indeed almasdp,
I thought they were the first couple that might actually be suited to a threesome, even gave him some links. Then he shows his true colours, only females are welcome, males cause insecurity....
He keeps saying everything is "perfect", keeps saying he KNOWS how his wife and her friend think... another case of male dreams, he's gonna be disappointed when this all goes wrong.
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A
female
reader, rockwell +, writes (16 March 2010):
rockwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah maybe I should just findout for myself cause its hard to explainmyself and our relationship to people that have no idea what kind of people we are or the type of relationship we have. We are not the usual married couple that always look to get repaid for something that we do for the other or feel like we have to do something selfishly. Thanks for the feedback anyway. I did get "some" useful info out of it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): Don't be naive... Ofcourse she will ask you for MMF. I have always vowed in my mind that if my man asked me for FFM then he will owe me, BIG time. And women in these scenarios often feel like the man got the best deal in FFM so she might want to privately enjoy a bit on the side without guilt if she has to. Very few women, no matter how open will ever admit to their man that being with another man is a fantasy of theirs. This is because women instinctively know how insecure most men feel about this and a clever woman always makes her man feel like he is enough, he's the best, he's the biggest EVER etc. Anyway, it looks like you are going to have to find out for yourself.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 March 2010):
Is this a same sex marriage? Are you female or did you just click the wring button?
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A
female
reader, rockwell +, writes (15 March 2010):
rockwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe actually have plans to go out in a few days to have drinks and maybe make something happen. You also have to understand that these girls are kinda shy when it comes to doing things like this. And no this isn't me being selfish about my fantasy. Its something we have talked about but more like played with the idea. I am not worried about my wife wanting a man or anything cause she is into girls more than anything. She really has no interest in men at all. I don't think our sex life lacks anything. Its just we have an opportunity to have a little fun with a willing person which we can trust is not diseased. So why not? I guess we'll see how it goes this weekend.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 March 2010):
opps.. I take it all back, you are not ready for threesomes at all. I thought you had no jealousy, no fears and no distrust.... I did tell you that having extra people in your bedroom could often lead to more.
She may not want another man now, but she might later after she see's how much fun you and the other lady is having.
And if you and the wife and friend are ready to go, why the hell are you here, why aren't you all taking about it together and making some rules and plans.
Something about this whole story sounds a little bit funny now. How do you know the friend is keen, have you spoken about it to her. You sound so sure about everything, makes me think that this is your fantasy and there is nothing in reality going to happen.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010):
It is a bad idea for you to get involved in this kind of thing but I understand that you don't want to deny her something she is interested in. I have thought long and hard about your situation and can only come up with one solution. If I may humbly offer my services to help your relationship. Please please please please pretty please!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): How do you really "know" she hasn't involved another man already? Maybe she feels guilty for her extra-marital affairs that she wants to make it up to you.The fact that you/her wants something extra is telling that something is lacking, there is no arguing that. If your relationship was enough to satisfy then this would never even be a conversation, trust me.Trust me from experience, tell your wife to leave it as fantasy. She may think that it's what she wants, but wait until this other girl starts screaming and digging her nails into your back and all of the sudden she feels pale in comparison.Also, I had a FFM in high school supposedly NSA, not until my girl wanted to bring a guy into the relationship. At that point what is your argument, you will look selfish if you then say no. So as of right now, MAYBE she doesn't have an ulterior motive, but it doesn't mean she can't develop one or use this against you.It's just not worth risking your relationship over if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, rockwell +, writes (15 March 2010):
rockwell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell for those that think she might want another man in. Well the thought of another guy touching her makes her uneasy. She is not into that at all. And if you think I am lying to myself....well the reason we have talked about this is because we are not afraid to say what we want, what we like, or what we think about. Because we trust each other and don't plan on being with anyone else. We have a great sex life but we are very very sexual. And her friend is always with us and has a fantasy to be with us as well.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 March 2010):
Sorry, that link has a list of do's and do not's, it helps you make up rules that will make you both comfortable. It also has a checklist to make sure that you, your wife and your relationship are really ready for this alternative lifestyle.
lol.. I'm not encouraging you to take up swinging, I just want you to get more research on the whole thing, communicate with your wife and make sure she is really happy and consenting.
Sigh.. still think it's a bad idea though.. a blow up doll is much easier.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 March 2010):
I do not recommend bringing other people into your sex life. It can create all sorts of jealousies, undermine your marriage, and make you look at yourself and your partner differently. Some people get hooked up on the adrenaline of multiple partners and are not satisfied with monogamous marriage anymore. The fact that you wish to include a long time friend makes things just a little bit more difficult. Say if one of you, wife, husband or friend, fall in love, suppose that the sex is so good that someone gets left out. Suppose the ladies like it so much that they want to explore more and you get left out in the cold... these are the questions you need to tackle before you even consider doing this.
Saying that, millions of couples all over the world, do enjoy this lifestyle, and practice it safely and happily. You fit the minimum requirements, you say your marriage is strong, you can communicate easily together, you have already shared women in a sexual manner with your wife. You don't have fear, distrust or jealousy.
I don't think this site is the right place to advise you properly. Your the first person I have ever thought might actually enjoy it and have no problems. Please get in touch with a proper "swingers site", there they have more experience and are able to point out the pro's and con's more clearly than we can here.
http://www.actualswingers.com/swinger_clubs_usa.html
WARNING: BRINGING OTHER PEOPLE INTO YOUR BEDROOM CAN PUT YOUR MARRIAGE AT RISK.
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A
male
reader, pyan  +, writes (15 March 2010):
hi
i have read your question and the answers given by others and they all make sence. my wife had a fling once with a girlfriend of hers whilst they were away on a girls weekend. she had never been turned on by the thought of another woman joining us but the night she was away she did and enjoyed it so some woman do try it. a girls friend i work with wants another woman too and like my wife and is willing to try a ffm if i can arrange it. but getting my wife in the mood to plan it will never happen.
so my thought are yes try it, but expect that she may want to try mmf. are you ok with that. i found that great turn on seeing how she reacted to that. let us know how you go and good luck
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (15 March 2010):
I see a lot of contradictions in your story, You say people tell you both you have the perect marriage etc, which is a blessing (if that was true, GRANTED)
BUT a perfect marriage wouldn't include a thrid person. (OR) your wifes burning desire for you to sleep with her (so called) best friend of x amount of years.
Next thing you know your wife is going to ask you to bring a man to join her/you. Will you say you have the perfect marrage when this accrue? "I doubt it bro"
"Stop lying to yourself."
Also, if you so called have an amazing sex life like you state, then why do you need a third person?
"face it"
You don't have a amazing sex life.
you don't have a perfect marriage.
You need a thrid person on the contrary, You sex and marriage have reached a dull point, a third person WILL spice it up.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2010):
You want to be careful that you're not going to end up trapped into having to let her have sex with another man at a later date, or that she starts to make this a regular occurrence before deciding her best friend is the one she loves. I don't think this is a good idea. Often on this site I have read about people who have gone into threesomes, and it has all gone wrong. I would suggest really talking to her about this a lot more. And if you do decide to do it, make it very clear it is a one-off.
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (15 March 2010):
I will tell you that the majority of women would not want to share their man with their best friend (or any woman for that matter). The very thought actually sets my teeth on edge. So your wife is one of a kind. I hope she has thought about the long term trust issues and emotional roller coasters that are possible in this type of scenario. The porn industry is a fantasy world there to titillate not to inspire reenactments. Its no accident that the 60's 'free love' generation is also the one that began breaking all time divorce records. So I encourage you to ask her repeatedly if she really really really wants to do this. Agree everything before hand. Later on when she for instance, gets home to find you chatting with her friend in the kitchen or something relatively harmless, she might begin to suspect all sorts of things. So think it through and since you have good comms, keep talking.
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