A
female
age
36-40,
*elina884
writes:I've been in a long term relationship with my bf and we have been living together for 2 years. His nieces birthday is coming up and I've been uncomfortable to attend because I haven't received an invite however my bf feels that it makes no difference because we count as one. He was at his mums whilst discussing this over the phone to me (how wise) when his mother overheard and lost her temper resulting in shouting in the background that I am no longer invited. (Um I didn't get an invitation in the first place)My question is; am I right to expect an invite in the first place or am I to blame here for causing unnecesary drama Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 December 2013):
 Selina, you haven't given us any reason to think his family are terrible people. You don't get on well with the sister but you manage to be civil with one another in mixed company. Neither you nor anyone else has done anything so grievous to the other that your differences cannot be overcome.
Life is short and be it this family or another you have years of dealing with in laws ahead of you. I think it would be a good idea if you found a workable solution besides simply avoiding them. This cold war puts an unnecessary strain on you, your boyfriend and his family and it's just no way to live.
You do what you think best, but I think this is fixable and certainly worth the effort.
A
female
reader, selina884 +, writes (13 December 2013):
selina884 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes this is it! Its just awkward to be around her, also her mother gets involved in everything and since she's decided to disk invite me whilst her daughter was present - I can only assume everyone is in agreement. So I refuse to go out of principle.
Also I've realised and take on board that I will be tattering with them forever and I refuse to change myself to please them
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): I think this all depends how strong you are. Since there has been trouble in the past with the sister, I would not want to turn up without an invite as receiving one would to me indicate that all is alright. If your boyfriend assumes that you are going as a couple and that no invitation is needed you need to be strong enough to go and deal with what might be an unpleasant situation. If you barely speak unless you have to it is probably going to be fairly tense and this does revolve around if you are strong enough to cope with it.I don't like my sister in law at all and am never invited to anything but am assumed as going because of my husband. If I do ever turn up which is infrequent because I feel so unwelcome and uncomfortable she never says a word to me and I am left standing like a lemon on my own while she takes my husband off to do something. This then leads to massive rows on the way home with me complaining about this all might.My point is you must be strong enough to cope with all eventualities if you are going to go.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 OP if you don't want to go don't go.... but If you and your partner live together, then any family invites to me would automatically include his life partner.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 December 2013):
 If it's going to that uncomfortable for you to go...just don't go.
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A
female
reader, selina884 +, writes (12 December 2013):
selina884 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell in my defense - I have had trouble with his sister in the past and haven't been to her house for over 6 months, (although we often hsve get- togethers at her mums house and even then our communication is minimal) so I couldn't just randomly turn up without an invite.
An invite indicates I am welcome and everything is alright.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 December 2013):
 My first reaction is that you and B/F are "an item"... such that an invitation to HIM is - understandably - taken as an invitation for the both of you... HOWEVER.....
..... bit that you added about his Mother... and her saying that YOU weren't (considered to be) invited as a function of HIM being invited... "tells" me that there is something very wrong there..... and you need to sit B/F down and ask just where you DO "stand" as his "G/F".... 'cuz what you described is a family-festering sore that ain't gonna go away by itself....
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, LunaticDreams +, writes (12 December 2013):
I used to feel uncomfortable in situations like that. It wasn't that I expected to be personally invited. I wasn't sure how the family would react when the boyfriend brought his girlfriend along (regardless long term or not). So this nervous, not sure feeling and wondering if you should be invited, let it be a card, a call, text, or in person to YOU and not the boyfriend isn't too out of place.
Drama happens a lot due to misunderstandings.
Since you two are living together then unless stated otherwise and he is planning on you going to the family occasion (let it be a birthday or holiday) in this case it is always safe to assume that you are invited. It's something you just need to fall into and it'll feel more natural over time.
If his mom became angry over that she may have misunderstood and could be a good idea to explain to her that you were nervous and wasn't sure if you were expected and did not want to be rude at a family occasion. Sometimes this helps and it's always good to stay in good terms with the significant others parental units.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 December 2013):
 Yea, you are being a little overly dramatic.
It's NOT a wedding with strict rules for guests, and even then, your BF could have had +1 on the invitation and that would PRESUMABLY be you.
It's a birthday party. If they DIDN'T WANT you to come, I'm sure they would have said something.
YOU do not NEED a separate invitation.
Just like when we had a b-day part for one of my daughters, we told my BIL to come over around 5.30-6pm and bring the kids/grandkids that wanted to come. Two of my nieces brought their BF's whom I didn't INVITE, but was glad to see and kind of expected to be there, if they could and wanted to.
If you two have been together for THAT long I think it's pretty much IMPLIED that you are invited.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 December 2013):
Your boyfriend is right. They didn't send you a special invitation because that would be weird. You live together as a couple so the invitation is for both of you.
Wives don't get separate invitations or Christmas cards.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 December 2013):
Unless you and her family were on shaky ground then you're obviously invited. It's assumed a spouse is coming unless stated otherwise.
So, you were creating drama. At this point I probably wouldn't go but that's your choice.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 December 2013):
yep...it's just drama. If you are with him and are his partner, then you dont need an official invite. He told you this and you continued to 'discuss' it where his mother could hear...
She obviously thinks it's drama and so shes got pissed off with you.
Shouldn't have said anything...you should have just fixed to go with him.
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