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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi friends,I met a guy online and he is 13 years younger than me. I am 48, take great care of myself and get alot of attention from guys. We are both professionals, work out alot and he is very handsome. We have been emailing, within a week he told me his sexual fantasies and the size of his penis. I told him clearly, that I am not into one night stands and i am looking for one special man and all that will happen in time... We are meeting tomorrow night? Should I cancel the date because he told me his penis size?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013): It has been since July 8th and I haven't been in contact with this guy online. I am older than he is and he is in his twenties. I have been on and off the site and it seems like he is talking to other girls so I had to remove myself from the situation. I still think about him so much and I think maybe I wanted to have sex with him. Not because he is just good looking, but I felt that we had some things in common. Whenever I go back on the site his photo is right there and it feels like he is looking right through me. When he told me he was nine inches he said,"I'm not gonna lie." So I just kind of ignored it but I was secretly turned on by it. I would dream of us meeting and having a good time. If you don't go for what you want you will be saying to yourselfif only I had gone on the date. I hope it works for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): I was going through the same thing recently on a dating site. I am 47 and he is 25. We had a great conversation on the first few chats, but he is not good at answering messages. I wanted to chat more but his IM was off quite a bit. Well anyway, we haven't even met yet and he told me he was nine inches and told me he jerks off and imagines me being with him. I was shocked and kind of flattered I guess because he is so handsome I lost control and let it slide. Sometimes you have to let a guy know how you feel because that is the only way you can have an honest relationship. The attraction was definitely there but it is a lot to take in when you haven't met. Just like you he would tell me his fantasies and I would tell him mine. He wanted to come up and see me he is far away and I want to see him so badly, but he is hardly ever online and he is hard to reach now so I have almost given up on it. I don't think I will get over him. No one else has gotten to me the way he has. He told me that I was the best conversation online and he held back from telling a secret fantasy about me. But now since we lost contact I guess it was all a fantasy. As long as you don't feel uncomfortable with him then go for it.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I think you made the right decision. The fantasy he described is perfectly ordinary and I'm sure most men have it. It's not bad to have the fantasy or to have a 9" penis; it's just the timing of when those things are shared. For you, as you said, you want to build emotional intimacy first before moving into physical intimacy. Sharing sexual fantasies is great, but you two haven't reached that point yet, and I think it's pretty clear he isn't listening to your needs and wants. I think some men are so sexually focused that they can't see or understand that the woman needs to have her heart and brain engaged before she can bring her genitalia into the picture.
There's just something majorly tacky and a bit pathetic in his laying it all out there before you two have even met in person. Maybe he's just decided that life is too short to beat around the bush, and he just cuts right to the chase. I personally would want a man a bit more refined and judicious in the sharing of his intimate details, a little more attuned to your sensibilities.
He sounds a bit creepy, imho. I think you can do better. If you are going to do a post-mortem on the non-date with him, and you are feeling brave, you could tell him that the personal sexual details and fantasies were too much, too soon. I'm not sure he'll learn anything by it but you'll at least have been honest and clear about why things didn't pan out. Or you could just stop contact with him after a short, "thanks, but no thanks."
I wish you much much better luck in the dating game next time 'round.
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 If you are puritanical,then you would cancel the date. It could be a slip of the tongue and it is too early to judge a book by it's cover.
Maybe , you need to see what's inside and this would confirm your feelings.
Sometimes what is online is totally different from what is in real life. He could have read you wrongly.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 I think you and this guy are not on the same page.
Example : on Craiglist there is a "man ISO woman " section ( and viceversa ) and a "casual encounters " section. In the second one, plenty of guys include in their self description the size of their penis.
True, you told him clearly that you are not into one night stands and you seeek a special man etc. He must have thought " yeah,whatever ".
There's a lot of people ( not just men,of course ) much more focused on getting what they want than on listening to what you want .
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis sexual fantasies are within my limit , however we have not even met, and he told me he would like me to wake up to him perfoming oral on me and me taking all of his penis. I make it clear right away I am not going to have a one night stand and need emotional intimacy first as most women do. I think it is clear he is only interested in one thing. I did not go on the date last night. I will keep everyone posted.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 May 2010):
You haven't told us what his sexual fantasies were. Are they within your tolerance limit?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): i bow down and gravel to you all might Q. you have brought me great laughter and uplifted my evenings. and i hope you continue.
My Penis is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school...
My Penis has an elevator and a lobby...
My Penis has better credit than I do...
My Penis is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum...
My Penis is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Penis...
Honestly most men dont say their "size" like that. so hes probably only half that size. to me it sounds like he is just a little desperate or just clueless. i guess i wouldnt go on the date if i was you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): "Maybe got on the date and see if he has more to show for. He could have been nervous and screwed up"LOl, he is after all a younger man trying to impress an older sexy, woman. He might be trying too hard, and it just doesn't strike me as the arrogant " I am God's gift to women type", but rather an insecure younger guy panting after an older woman...as the earlier poster said "I know when I get nervous talking to a woman I save the day by yelling out the size of my penis." (I know you were kidding, don't worry, but something like that)"Female anon: Im guessing everyone would assume it was the guy who asked for the womans breast size and therefor he'd be judged the perv in that context too. "LOL. Yeah, I guess is a lose-lose situation for these dudes. Oh well. You win some you lose some. XD
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Female anon: Im guessing everyone would assume it was the guy who asked for the womans breast size and therefor he'd be judged the perv in that context too.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (15 May 2010):
Why did you agree to a date with him if you aren't sure you want to see him at all? He sounds pretty immature and I guess thinks all women drool all over him, so he doesnt even need to have any other qualities than a dick to seal the deal. Then again, it could be the ae difference and I heard young people in the states often exchange intimate details or nude pictures right of the bat. Which point to the direction that he's talking to younger women a lot.
Maybe got on the date and see if he has more to show for. He could have been nervous and screwed up. If he continues to talk about his penis don't go on a date with him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Maybe he is just proud of his penis. Probably didn't think you would have read so much into a rather amateur, but potentially harmless attempt to impress you with what he deems sexual prowess.
What if this was a guy asking "i met a girl who told her cup size...should I be going out with her?...(and then) Oh, by the way she is a 40DD" What type of answers would that have solicited?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Bunny tee
you did not understand my concern clearly. It was not the size of his penis rather than the fact he brought it up before we even met. In so far as the derogatory "cougar" title I do not have alot of experience. You would not belittle a man for dating a girl 13 years younger . sorry to hear you are so bitter. I am not at all!!
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reader, BunnyTee +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Damn a week and it's all vomit up the baggage? I honestly don't believe any man should be judged by penis size, would you like to be judged by your breast size? Far, far too shallow! Rather, 13 years your junior? I'd be concerned about the "cougar" title or whether to charge for "how to do" lessons or not.
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reader, boo22  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Did this guy think he was on Gaydar ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): LOL That's Funny Q I wonder how many inches he has added on?
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 May 2010):
Okay, I'm going to be all prissy-like and say that it's kind of ooky that this guy starts sharing sexual fantasies and tells you the size of his penis within a week of "meeting" him. Um, ew. This guy is all about his penis and sex. I'd say it's a pretty good bet that he's in it for sex.
I mean, it's great to be all upfront about things, but really? His penis size?
"Yeah, I took out a dildo, took a ruler and marked out inches, and I figured out that your 9 incher will work just fine in my 8.73 inch deep vagina." I mean, what the???? Come OOONNNN. You've had a major clue that this guy thinks it's all about his penis. I would run the other way. Fast.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): He has told you he is nine inches? Oh I would have to go with a tape measure and see if he is a man of his word
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have never had a man tell me his penis size, before I met him. I tend to attract players, so it made me wonder if he is a player. PLus the fact he says he is nine inches. I guess that is a concern too.
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reader, xxsecretsxx +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Stick to your guns girl.
Put it firmly, I'm here for a date, not to see if you lied about the penis size...at least not yet.
If he can handle that, second dates are great.
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reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Keep the date, but let him know how you felt about his comments. Reiderate the fact that you are NOT looking for a one night stand. Be upfront and honest about your feelings while you are on the date! You have the right to voice your wants and needs.
If he doesn't call you again...you will know that he was looking for sex and nothing else!
It's better to know from the get-go what he has in mind!
Good Luck!
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reader, The Realist  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I think you should still go on the date. It may of just come out and he may not have meant it to sound that way. If you go on the date at least then you will be able to see for yourself what his intentions are.
We all say things we don't really mean or in the spur of the moment to try and make ourselves look good.
I say give him a chance and if he isn't what you are looking for then there never has to be a second date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Maybe he had a bad experience with a girl where he was ridiculed because of his size, and now he just wanted to get it out in the open to see whether you accept it.
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