A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I be concerned with flirtatious text messages that my wife gets from an old co-worker?My wife gets flirtatious text messages from someone she used to work with. This person left the company she is with about 12 months ago and they were friends. I never liked this guy at all. He was very cocky and constantly cheated on his wife. My wife told me that he had slept with a few women in the office and always flirted with everyone. Anyways, my wife and him worked together for a couple years. They had company functions (I was invited to some, but not many) and even a couple overnight trips for the company. She once told me how much of a male-slut he was, but he's a fun guy to be around. He even tried to kiss my wife once while dancing at a club...she told me she pushed him away and laughed it off. He went to work for another company about a year ago in a different state, but still contacts her...a lot. I once caught her up late at night on instant messaging with him. I must have surprised her because she instantly tried covering up the PC screen and seemed very nervous. After that little incident, she now gets numerous text messages from this guy every week...sometimes 3 or 4 a day. I have been suspicious for awhile now, so I picked up her phone a couple weeks back and read some of the messages. They said things like: "What's up sexy?" "How's my favorite MILF?" "Did you do anything naughty while the hubby was away?" "Please tell me a Dirty story about yourself".....and the list goes on. She occasionally respons to him, but usually deletes the sent message. We also had a few marriage issues a while back that she was "chatting things up" on line and the phone with an old fling, but that has stopped. Since the old fling thing ended, I have been extremely insecure in our marriage of 10 years. Untill this all started we were both so happy...now I'm overwhelmed with insecurity. Should I be concerned with the sexual text messages and her hiding some of what she's doing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, Reyna +, writes (26 September 2009):
 You should not only be concearn about this, but also mad. She is disrespecting you by leading on this guy. I think that she might not even like him, but he is making her feel important and sexy by telling her all those racy compliments, and althought is not physical cheating, it is emotional because she depends on his compliments to feel good about herself.And at the same time she is clearly using him to make you jealous, why would she tell you that he wanted to kiss her if she wants to keep the whole thing a secret? She is contradicting herself with her actions.
You should talk to her and dont let her think you dont care about this problem, because even if she is doing it to get your attention or to feel good about herself, it seems like there is a deeper problem between you two going on.
I hope my opinion had helped find a way to work this out...
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2009):
 Your wife is having an emotional affair with this guy, and even if she didn't sleep with him, she is entertaining sexual content with another man and that is something that violates trust and fidelity in a marraige. I would question what is the point to these flirtations? You should sit her down and tell her how you feel. The two of you may need couples therapy. You don't mention how the rest of your relationship is but it sounds like she's searching for some excitement. She's addicted to the attention he is giving her and it needs to stop. Hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (26 September 2009):
 This is wholly inappropriate and disrespectful to you! This behavior must stop NOW! There is NOTHING right about this. She's up texting another man in the middle of the night and hiding the computer screen? You try that and all your clothes would be on fire on the front lawn.
You need to confront her and get into marriage counseling pronto. If she were my wife, I'd tell her this nonsense stops now or we're done.
You don't trust her because she continue to demonstrate that she's not trustworthy. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life feeling like you do now? Hell no! Sit her down and spell out the rules. If she balks, you walk. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2009):
Yes, you should be concerned with those messages. It's inappropriate for him to be sending her texts like that and it's also inappropriate for her to continue talking to him. Is your wife insecure? She may not be up to anything, but likes the attention. I think it's something that you definitely need to confront her about. There's no excuse as to why she should be talking to this loser.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): It's one thing for her to tolerate him. It's quite another when she's not being open about what they're talking about. She knows she's doing something wrong. It might just be that she feels guilty about staying in touch with such a questionable character, or there might be something more sinister going on.
Tell her how you're feeling. A marriage shouldn't have this kind of thing going on.
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