A
male
age
30-35,
*ambooshoots
writes:Hey, if anyone can give me any advice on this situation I will be incredibly grateful - its screwing up my head and my life and I need to do something to sort it out. Sorry this is such a long post - Im trying to sum up the most eventful six months of my life in a few paragraphs!I met this girl at university just over a year ago: we're on the same course, we have very similar interests and senses of humour and we hit it off straight away. Both of us were in relationships at the time, but we became very good friends, though there was always "something" between us. I considered breaking up with my girlfriend over her quite seriously, but in the end she broke up with me first - this was a few months ago now. She helped me through the breakup so much, and we went on holiday together soon afterwards.Since then Ive fallen completely and utterly in love with her - I want to be with her all the time, I miss her when shes not around, I dream about her and Ive done crazy things like imagine our wedding, children etc. I told her that I liked her, and she admitted that she liked me but wouldnt break up with her boyfriend, and told me that she was a complete wreck and didnt know what to do. I got extremely depressed and got to the point where I couldnt go out with my friends without leaving early and crying myself to sleep, and struggled to get out of bed every morning.A long summer apart helped me a great deal. I went out with a couple of other girls (nothing which turned into a relationship, but oh well) and although we talked 3-4 times a week, I could think about her without it driving me mad. I made the decision to move on with my life and just see her as a friend, and, most importantly, I felt I could stick to it. I was looking forward to going back to uni and getting on with life.Last week she broke up with her boyfriend. We talked about it but everything she said just made me more and more confused. She said she wanted to be single for a while, until she couldnt resist any more (whatever that means). She said she really wants to see me but she cant come over much because of how it will look to her (ie his) friends. A mutual friend of ours, who she has spoken to properly, tells me I should be happy but wont tell me what she said, having promised not to. Im far from happy - back to being as miserable as I always was, and even more confused about what to do.I feel like the obvious thing to do is take a step back, and give her up as a lost cause, but: a) we do all the same modules, and have so many mutual friends that its impossible for me not to see her, and b) Ive never ever felt like this about anyone, I feel much more strongly about her than I ever did about my ex-girlfriend, who I went out with for nearly 18 months. Im more miserable than I ever have been before - Im thinking of dropping out of uni which would cripple me financially, and force me to leave so many good friends, but right now it feels like the only option. I can't move on with my life with her around, and this feels like the only way of getting rid of her.More than anything I'd love to go out with her - Im sure it would work, she's the only girl I ever think about. If its not meant to be, I need to find a way to get past it. I try thinking about things from her point of view: I know she's confused as well, but I know she likes me a lot (as a friend, at least). Any advice on what to do? Thanks - and sorry for rambling!
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, ex girlfriend, move on, my ex, on holiday, university, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Hey i was the first respondent. Well I fell in love with my best guy friend after being friends for about 4 years. The timing wasn't right though he was dating all kinds of random girls and because i was his best friend i got to hear all the nitty gritty details of each of their relationships which hurt but i was his friend and he always came to me asking for relationship advice. I kept my feelings to myself for a while and then i finally told him how i felt but he was obsessed with another girl so it didn't really go anywhere. Well after 8 years of being his friend then being in love with him, i just stayed close and just tried to stay calm and be patient. It was hard at times and i was always fighting not to get hurt by these other girls but i knew he was the one for me. Finally it paid off and one day he saw what i had seen for years. we have been together ever since. I am a firm believer in fate and things happening for a reason. If it's meant to be you'll end up with her in the end and if you don't then it wasn't meant to be and the right girl is still out there waiting for you. Just keep doing what you're doing and she'll come around sooner or later. And if she gets back with her ex i doubt it will last anyway once a couple breaks up it tends to become a trend, they get back together and break up and get back together then break up and this goes on an on until one of them finally gives up for good.
A
male
reader, Bambooshoots +, writes (26 September 2009):
Bambooshoots is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers, feel a little better now, though shes now saying shes considering getting back together with her ex. She knows how I feel and Ive suggested I give her some time to think - no reply as of yet though. I guess its back to the waiting game - I feel like Ive been playing this for months already and I hate it but i guess thats life.
To the first respondent: if you've been in the same position, how did it turn out for you?
To the second respondent: sex is the last thing on my mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): she probably want to be single so that it doesnt look bad to her ex bf and their mutual friends that she broke up with him to be with you. that would also be very painful for her ex to think she moved on so quick and possible make him think she cheated. i think she is looking out for him and also making herself look a little better as a not so faithful person. i think you two will end up together. just dont start acting desperate and pcychoish it migh push her away. keep in touch but give her time
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Look my advice as a girl if you really like her for what she is and NOT what she does (sex) you should let her slowly get the idea and feel comfortable about it. but if you are impatient then let her go. but my advice keep her but for comfort and NOT for use!!!
Hope you make the right decision.....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2009): Ok first deep breath and calm down. I have been in the exact same situation as you. From an outsiders view point it seems very possible that you will end up with her.
I can completely understand about what she is saying about being single for a little while and honestly that's probably the best idea for her. If she goes straight into another relationship she's going to regret never getting to just be single and have fun.
If you're meant to be with her in the end it will work out. If you really love her and want to be with her then you can't give up on that, if it's something you really want you have to fight for it. That being said you also have to be practical about this whole thing, you need to talk to her and straight up tell her that you want to be with her that you understand that she wants to be single and have fun and just tell her that when she's ready you want a relationship. That way at least you'll know if she wants to be with you in the end. Don't drop out of school you'll always regret that. Just relax and be friends as much as you can with all the mutual friends and stuff causing issues. I really think you have a good chance of being with her it sounds promising, don't give up yet.
...............................
|
