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Should I be friends with this man?

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 January 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 February 2014)
A age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My friend and I were talking about a few things recently and we talk about almost everything. I guess he felt comfortable telling me about his past. I talked about my ex-boyfriends and he talked about his ex-girlfriends. He has been telling me how much in love with me he is and even talks about marrying me. I didn't take him too seriously but I think he means it. He calls and texts me everyday. He has two kids and even spends time with me on the phone while they are asleep. He told me that his ex-wife cheated on him in there home with another man and that she is not a good mother, and she even used drugs to get high while one of the kids was in the house. I feel really bad that he went through that and I try to just listen. We got into a deep conversation and he blurted out that he has slept with quite few women. If I heard him right he said 22. He said he lost his virginity at the age of 11. He got one of his exes pregnant but she had a

miscarriage. He mentioned that it would be nice if we

had a baby together, but I can't have children.

He is a former boxer and is a very strong guy and he has gotten into fights in the past. His family life hasn't been easy. His brother has been in jail and his father use to beat up his mom and take her money. He said he slept around too. He told me that no one has ever cared about him the way I do. We are planning to meet soon but I am a little nervous so I may bring my friend along when I do.

Should I just remain friends with this man? He says he wants a quite life and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

View related questions: drugs, ex girlfriend, ex-wife, his ex, in jail, money, my ex, text

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (9 February 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntSo on this question, you had 3 aunts say "no" "avoid" "don't believe him"…

and you continued to the point where he got the title 'boyfriend'?

You were uncertain here, how did he get to the point where he was your boyfriend? He must be very good at talking and you are looking for happiness and don't want to look too closely…

oh dear. I'm sorry, this is all too sad.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes he has thrown a lot at me too soon and I guess I like the attention but I also didn't want to judge him too much. You may be right that he could be a player. He shares custody with his ex-wife who he doesn't like.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 January 2014):

Honeypie agony auntThe fact that he has declared love and you two really don't know each other expect from those conversations is a little iffy, it's infatuation, not love.

You feel BAD for him? That is not love either. It's NOT your fault that he has had a shitty life, nor is it YOUR job to make everything better.

There are quite a few red flags here and I think maybe that is why you posted this question on DC?

And he is not a friend, don't make the mistake of wanting to be nice and be his friend.

Also he has two kids, does he have custody? If he does, he isn't looking for a good woman, he is looking for a "mom". For him and the kids.

From what you write I get "stranger danger" all over the post.

I would not be keen on this.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (21 January 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt So, this is a guy who' s not actually a friend , he's someone you don't know and haven't even met yet ( otherwise why bringing another friend along ).

And he's already talking about marryng you and having your child ??

That's a boxer who got one punch too many, clearly.

Avoid.

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