A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently been on 3 relatively great dates with a girl I met online who is visiting my city for the next 2 months or so. However, it's moving a lot more slowly than I am used to -- I usually date more sexually aggressive girls because I feel awkward making a move when it's not too obvious a girl is feeling it. On our latest date, she agreed to come back to mine to watch a film as the premise of the date, which we did. The film was kind of dull, and we both commented on this... I put my arm around her and she sort of seemed to grimace, so I pulled away (also the set up was pretty bad in my room so to do so I had to burn my arm on the radiator, which I acknowledged!) She seemed a lot more quiet and nervy than she ever had before during this, which made me feel the same. She got pretty tired so we gave up on the film and I walked her home, wherein she instantly lit up and became more talkative on the way. Ended with a prolonged hug, her touching my arm etc. and telling me to stay in touch. On the way back, I sent her a text about something cool I came upon on my way home, which she sent a cheery text about, then I sent one apologising that the film was a washout but we should meet up again soon. She said no need to apologize, she had fun anyway.So here's where I am. I think she is interested. But I think the physical touch barrier has become AWKWARD, and unless I'm pretty direct about it (which I'm nervous as hell about with this girl) I don't think it will be overcome. Do I simply suggest another date then either ask her about it or make an overt move despite the awkwardness? We met on a dating site where she was looking for dates, so it's tricky. She's busy a lot, but I know she's not using the dating site at the moment either. I really want to try moving beyond friends with an awkward overtone soon given she leaves so soon. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): LOL! Too slow, huh? 3 dates, and it's too slow for you?
Tell her about it and see what happens.
It's obvious what you want, you just want sex. It can't be more obvious. I don't think it will happen with her. She knows she leaves in 2 months. She is just having a good time, hanging out with you on her free time, knowing she won't see you after theses 2 months.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): I don't think things are moving slowly. Their just not heading in the direction you want to take them.
The grimace was a sign she's not that into you, man. She likes your company and hanging out. She has no intention of starting a two-month romance; just so you can get into her panties.
If you're not into being friend-zoned; wrap it up, and call it day. Sex is out of the question, and two-months is not long enough for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 OP, from your post it seems that you are only interested in one thing. SEX.
What is your motivation for this relationship? SEX or a relationship?
If you are only wanting sex, then find another girl.
If you want a relationship, as this girl seems to want, three dates is still a very very short period of time to get to know someone.
She is obviously not sexually aggressive, and places a little more importance on intimacy within relationships, and I would say most women do not want to be viewed purely as sex objects, which is how your post comes across. You only invited her back to your place, as you wanted to "make a move" . The fact she relaxed as soon as she was away from your bedroom shows that she knew exactly what you were trying on, and was not comfortable with it.
She likes you, but is NOT a tart, or an easy lover - and you need to respect her boundaries.
You have two choices. How much do you really like her?
1. If you really like her, you will wait as long as it takes for her to be ready for a sexual relationship. Relationships should be based on far more than just the physical side.
2. You really like her but are not prepared to wait.
Leave her now. You don't really care about her feelings at all.
3. Push for sex, use her and dump her. You know she is leaving in 2 months. You don't care if she gets hurt as long as you get sex.
Dating websites are full of different people. Dating means different things to those people.
For you dating = casual sex.
For her dating = relationship.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 March 2014):
If she's leaving, what exactly are you pushing for? Sex? If so I think you should forget it. She doesn't seem to be that type.
If you for some reason want to start an LDR, then maybe you should talk to her about feeling like you're getting mixed signals.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 I am sure she got quite nervous as she is not ready for a sexual relationship at the moment. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask her about why she is nervous as am sure she is just not ready for that kind of relationship. If you like this girl then I suggest that you take things slow and just enjoy her company am sure as you both get to know each other things will become more relaxed between you both.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 March 2014):
 I think the fact that she sensed you had an ulterior motive for inviting her home to see a movie might have been why she was feeling awkward.
SHE isn't ANY of the other girls you have dated. She is her own person and obviously NOT sexually aggressive.
My guess is, she has dated guys who wanted her to put out asap and then got dumped OR she just LIKE to move slowly to be SURE you are someone she WANTS to get intimate with.
If it's moving too slow for you, end it and find yourself a girl who moves at your speed.
I would not make any OVERT moves, I would simply ask her what she thinks of the two of you together. Does she see you dating long term? (do you?) or maybe if she is leaving the area in 2 months she isn't REALLY looking for sex, but companionship. TALK to her. Don't push for sex.
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