A
female
age
36-40,
*ustagirlfrompa
writes:I have met this guy on facebook( we both graduated same year in high school) and he lives in one state and I moved to another state, almost 8 yrs ago. He and I found love with each other just by talking on facebook. Been together for 1 month and I find out a couple says later he was flirting with some girl he knows where he lives. He sent me those text messages to see them and so did the girl. He wanted to prove he wasn't really wanting her that night if she came over. The girl doesn't want him. She wanted to tell me he is a "player" so I wouldn't get hurt. He is a very nice guy who cares for people. He owns a farm, takes care of his animals and works 12 hrs a day. He keeps telling me those texts messages weren't real to him. He keeps telling me it is me that he wants, he posted that on facebook a few times for all of his friends to see. He said he will give up his life in his state to be with me here in the state where I live now. I am so confused. If he was a player he wouldn't want to be with just me and move here and give up everything there. I think he is truly was a player he would have stopped talking to me and shagged up with someone where he is. I am not making excuses but everything just sounds weird. He keeps asking me if we are over and my heart says no but I don't know what to do. I know he cares for me. But why the cheating and why did he stop flirting with her the exact moment she told him she was going to give me those texts. I saw where he said he was going to keep his hands to himself and that he told her he had a girlfriend (me) then turns around and says "come on" after she said if she said she she wasn't coming to his place if she wasn't getting any D. Is this harmless flirting with no intentions of him really doing anything? I can't just think things and let go of something if he didn't mean it. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2014): "If he was a player he wouldn't want to be with just me and move here and give up everything there.
I think if is truly was a player he would have stopped talking to me and shagged up with someone where he is."
Players are not just people who sleep around. Players are people who toy with other people's emotions, promising love, committment and all manner of things that they have no intention of keeping. So I think that promising to up sticks and move to another state to be with you is EXACTLY the kind of thing a player would come out with. Players don't cut contact with any of their "conquests" unless they have to because they like to keep them around in case they get bored one day. So don't think that your guy will be cutting contact with you in order to shack-up with another girl - I think he'll shack-up with her anyway AND keep up his relationship with you.
I would take this as a major red flag, especially as this is currently an LDR and you really have no idea how he behaves in daily life.
You have been warned
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2014):
 You mean she said she wasn't coming to his place if she wasn't getting any dick?Then this is not harmless flirting. What do you think people do when they spend over the night? I am sure it's not playing chess together. Most of your contact is online so you shouldn't have a problem getting over him. He stopped flirting with her because he didn't want to lose you. The girl stopped flirting with him after she learned that he has a girlfriend. When he said, "come on," that should be a giveaway that he wanted some action despite her knowing that he had a girlfriend. So he did have intentions. Keep his hands to himself? That's bull. He told her he has a girlfriend, to give her a chance to back off, and she did. But if she didn't, he would welcome her in. You don't have to have evidence of him cheating to leave. If the issue of trust torments you, just end it.
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