A
male
age
51-59,
*hris39
writes:Hi, i'd really appreciate your views on my situation.Basically, i've been on 2 dates with a girl. First date we had a couple of drinks at a local pub and ended up having a kiss at the end of the evening. Second date we both ended up getting drunk (she wanted a night on the town) and she ended up coming back to my place and staying the night - which was definitely not the original intention. There was some mutual oral action, but nothing more since I was not able to 'rise to the occasion' with the amount of alcohol i'd had! I took her back the next day and she said "text me if you want to meet again next week..."The day after I texted her and asked "just checkin how your head is and if youre ok". As yet, I havent had a reply.My questions are:1. Is a 14 year age gap too large - she is younger than me? 2. The fact that she hasn't texted back - should I read anything into that even though she suggested I text her and and should I text again or put the onus on her now? (when she's with me she replies to her texts immediately if they're from her friends...)3. I'm always the one that has to initiate the dates. Is that common? I just get the feeling that perhaps she isn't that interested.4. Could the sexual action have made her have second thoughts i.e. too much too soon..?Thanks for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010): I prefer phone calls if a guy is seriously into me. Texts aren't personal. Give it a few days, and then try calling.
A
male
reader, chris39 +, writes (11 April 2010):
chris39 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks NMN. I'll do as you suggest. I should also add that I put a 'x' at the end of my text too so hopefully that will give her a hint... or maybe thats whats scared her off lol!?
As a female though would you text a guy back based on what I've told you and based on my last text if you liked him...or would you wait for a call later in the week??
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 April 2010):
 It could be that she loathe herself for what she has done and is feeling somewhat embarrassed or shameful that you may have the wrong perception of her . She may also felt being cheap or like a slut.
She does not know how to handle the situation and could be anxiously wandering whether to reply you .
Call her and find out why. If she does not want to answer, it means she has not got over those feelings .
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (11 April 2010):
 Oh, yeah, I agree that two days in a row could give the wrong impression, ... and yes, it could be something as simple as phone credit. Did not think of that one coz I myself have a billed account - not pre paid.
I would suggest waiting till mid week - Tue/Wed - which may either give her time to respond, or get credit to respond if that is the case (remembering she may be trying to play it cool herself and delaying deliberately to not look needy herself) and then if no contact, I would call, not text, (so you wont be sitting there wondering about phone credit etc if no response) and have an actual convo with her, and ask if she is free and up for anything on the weekend.
Hopefully that sort of timing will mean she has not yet got w/e plans in place, ..but if she says she does, then (not knowing if that is legit or a diversion )just say that you would like to get together again some time and ask her to call you if and when she is up for it.
Not much else you can do, ..but if she does not call withing 2 weeks, probably best to move on to other prospects.
Good luck with it :-)
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A
male
reader, chris39 +, writes (11 April 2010):
chris39 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Not my Name for your reply.
Yes, I'm torn what to do now. On the one hand, I'd love to text / phone her today, but on the other hand, worried that she might think I'm a bit 'needy' as I did text her yesterday. Perhaps she's run out of credit on her phone - it could be that simple?? I suppose my way of thinking is that I've asked her a question via text and if she's that keen she will answer.
Any thoughts again please on my next move??
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (11 April 2010):
I may be way off base here, but, .... Maybe she is worried that you are not really attracted to her because you didn't 'rise to the occassion'.
Now of course it is fairly commonly known that alcohol can affect the ability to get a boner, ..hence terms being coined such as 'brewers droop', ... but maybe even if she kinda knows this (hope she does), she may still on another level have had her confidence kicked in the pants.
This could be why she included 'if you want' in suggesting another meeting. She may not be certain that you are attracted to her even tho you did text her.
On that note, your text was asking how her head was, ... not inviting her out, .. so she may be questioning your motives in contacting her, and perhaps thinks you were just trying to be nice but are not really attracted to her.
...or
Maybe she does feel she went too far too soon, and has been having seconds thoughts once properly sober. It could be regret, could be embarrasment, could be insecurity about the no boner, ... could be fear that you may now look at her as just a lay because she did go that far that soon, .... what I don't think it is tho is the age difference because I assume she was aware of that before accepting a first or second date.
I suggest giving this another try, but this time, text (tho calling would be more personal) telling her you enjoyed her company, conversation, etc, and were hoping to get to know her better - followed by a specific invite to get together again. Maybe something a bit more ummm significant I suppose, than drinks at the pub, ... like dinner, a movie, a sporting event, etc.
If you get no response after that, I think it best to let it go, but don't take it personally coz the issue could very well be more about her than you.
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