A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've been with a wonderful guy since November 2009. We met online via a dating service. We have not dated anyone else since we met each other. We both want the same thing, a long-term relationship and possibly marriage, he is 28 and I am 27. Only problem is, he is not in love with me. We had sex on the 3rd date, but by then we've been seeing each other for about a month, I didn't think it would be a big deal. He did say not to. He never mentioned the reason, but he caved in when I started kissing him. It is only a few weeks ago when I confronted his feelings did he admit it to me and that he has always lost interest with a girl that he slept with early on and the reason he was trying to resist that first time was because he wanted to know me on a emotional level before committing to the physical.We usually hang out on Saturday, I'll stay over for the night and he'll drop me back on Sunday after lunch. We started off casual, a couple dates, 3 months in he introduced me to his family then his friends. He talks to his family and friends a lot about me, they seem to know things about me. He has not have a serious girlfriend for a few years so I'm the first he's brought back since.We love each other's companionship, we have fun and the dynamic is just wonderful. He is everything I'm looking for in a partner and I have the qualities he has been looking for his entire life. So it is pretty sad that the head-over-heels kinda love is not there from the start. Physical attraction is definitely there but we try not to emphasise too much on it and have fun outdoors as well. He said he feels like "shit" for having found someone he has desired but not really in love. How is it possible that a couple can be so great together and not "in love".We have talked about it and wanted to see if things will change for the better. It is pretty hard letting go since we have a wonderful dynamic. As most experts will say, those qualities are important to sustain a relationship and beyond, not just love. We both agreed we like each other a lot and most probably love each other a bit. I suspect I love him more than I let him on. I'm trying to be strong and love him unconditionally. However, love cannot be forced. He has been in love before and he mentioned he has no issues telling a girl so. When he's in love, he wants to see the girl often and will call her everyday. He doesn't act that way with me, he's just not that emotionally involved.There is no way he will marry me if the love is not there, but we have agreed to continue our relationship since it's still too early to tell, however he is sceptic as his previous experiences with love has always been from the start. We are trying to be optimistic and I've told him I want the time we spend together from now on to be special and not to take things for granted cause we might not know what will happen in the future.My friend told me to spend more time with him since we only see each other half the weekend. We've been spending a evening during the week for dinner the past 2 weeks on top of the weekend. I know I cannot make him fall in love with me. I am scared. I wish there is a way to change things around, but I know that is not possible. Is there anyway to go about this? What should I do or shouldn't do? Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 April 2010):
 Love is patient and kind. You cannot rush it. It will need time for it to bloom like a rose plant.
Everyone has their own timing.Those who are patient will reap their fruits of labour.
Be tender , kind and compassionate to him. In time ,he will open up his heart to you.
Find those common grounds and avoid those contentious issues which may pull you apart.
All the best to you .
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