A
female
age
41-50,
*ena1976
writes:I am having really bad problems and am looking for some help. I have been with my civil partner for 6 years and we had a civil partnership last August.The past five months have not been pleasant as my partner renewed a 'friendship' with someone she knew from Sweden 6 years ago. The story goes that this was a lost opportunity and they both had mutual feelings.She visited her in Sweden recently and when she returned she told me that she was scared that she had feelings for her.This really confirmed what I suspected as she had been creeping around for months saving slightly flirtacious text messages from her under a different name on her phone and lied about it when I confronted her. She has been away with work alot and had many late nights - on msn alot and changed passwords on her laptop as well.Well this crushed me, but she told me that she wanted to make it work with me and that when she returned from Finland we would work at it.Trouble is that I don't think she has really worked at our relationship. She agreed reluctantly to cut contact with the Swede but was mourning her when she returned.She told me that she was confused. She blows hot and cold with me all the time - which is not what I need considering I have felt so taken for granted for so long and am really looking for reassurance.She won't sleep with me and says she has lost her libido, and that she has to psyche herself to sleep with me... I don't think she finds me attractive like she used to as her libido clearly is sparked by others!We have talked and talked, I have threatened to leave for a while but then she bursts into tears and tells me how wonderful I am and that she wants me to stay.But the simplest things can set us about arguing and every weekend we appear to have silent moments. I really don't know what to do and am begging for some advice here!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mwah +, writes (20 May 2007):
 babez.. the two of you have been in a realtionship for such a long time it would be a waste to let it go, but end of the day u have to do whats right for you..
if she wont work with u and tell you whats really going on then shes wasting valuable time which u could use otherwise.
but before u make a harsh decision u have to know how she feels.. the way shes acting to you is very similar to how i acted with my ex. i had met a new guy and everything looked greener on his side. i loved my ex and couldnt stand the thought of letting him go.. but its not fair on him.. and its not fair on u...
shes confused coz shes trying to find a way of having all of your love plus the 'excitment' of the swede.. but she cant have it all.. if she wont make her mind up, do it for her
do whats right for you!
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 If the Swede respects you at all, she would understand that your girlfriend has chosen you for the time being. Your partner needs to make a choice, and stop playing with you. The best thing that you can do is to tell her that the longer she lets this situation drag out, the more she will hurt you. Although it may be difficult, it may mean her leaving you. You can end up a better person out of it.
DV1
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