A
male
age
41-50,
*t109
writes:Hi,I was wondering what people make of this.About two years ago I met someone when out at a bar. There was immediate attraction, and I thought she was too good for me. Then I found out she felt exactly the same about me. So much so we went on three dates in one weekend. We were both excited to have met each other. The problem was we met in a town where both our parents were from. The places we both lived and work were 200 miles apart. We met again at her place, but a week or so after that I received a text saying she can't see me any more because the distance will be too difficult for her.A day or so later she further explained she likes me a lot and could fall for me very easily but was afraid that I might get fed up of the distance and dump her for someone local. I reassured her this wouldn't happen but she still called it off. She never mentioned friends, just "can't have a relationship with me right now".We carried on texting each other though for over a year, nearly everyday. All the time she called me beautiful, sweet man. She always made lots of compliments and hinted at things like dating. Over a year we met up 5 or 6 times at a restaurant or something but nothing afterwards. Everytime she always made a big effort with how she looked. She would text me afterwards saying things like thank you for being you beautiful man. In other texts she would say things like she found me rediculously attractive.I know the distance was a pain, but I could never work out why she obviously liked me, but we never dated again.More recent, the past couple of months, she went a bit quiet on texts. After A LOT of asking, she finally said she started seeing a good friend. She never went out dating, it "just developed". I was gutted and she mentioned the word friend to me for the first time. She said she wanted me in her life. Since then she admitted to me that she had suffered clinical depression since a young age. She said when she met me she felt worthless and asking herself why is he interested in someone pathetic like me.Now she still texts me almost daily, even though she is with someone. Occasionally still calling me beautiful, sweet man.I find this strange since she is with someone now.What I am wondering, was did she call it off in the first place because of depression? Why does she still text me? Is her new boyfriend or used to be a good friend there for support, or what?
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (21 September 2013):
 When she calls you a beautiful, sweet man, she is being truthful. She sees you that way and that's her way of saying that your friendship means a lot to her. It does not mean she's in love with you. It's her way of expressing her affection for you.
I don't think she rejected you. I have a long distance friend that I talk to all the time. I know he cares a lot for me and would like to take things further, but I am reluctant because of the distance and in my own way I've put up my walls as a way to protect my heart. I do think that if he lived closer, we would be a couple. I encourage him to date. I date other guys, and I make sure that he only sees us as friends, but he means a lot to me. I can't imagine my life without him in it. He is a dear, sweet man much like you are to this woman.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): She didn't call anything off, OP. You didn't have anything to call off.
She still texts you because you provide something to her, a friendship, an ego boost, a positive influence, who knows? But definitely not the romance you think it is.
Her new boyfriend is her real romance.
She's told you from the start a relationship is not possible, you've never actually been in any kind of romance either, just affectionate friends.
I think you're reading into this more what you want to believe is true than the reality and it isn't helped by the sweet words she speaks or the connection you seem to have.
If I were her boyfriend and I knew all this stuff I'd be perfectly fine about you being friends with her and I'm quite a territorial guy too. I'd be fine with it because while you may like her there really is nothing there between you except you seem to be a source of comfort for her as a friend.
You see what you put too much faith in words OP when the reality of the situation is there is nothing romantic there.
Who cares if she said she could fall for you easily or any of that? She obviously hasn't. And her words about you getting sick of the distance is her saying she would.
I don't find it strange at all OP. I just see what is happening, you're no threat to her boyfriend, in fact it sounds like she has an awesome other outlet to vent to and talk to and stuff.
OP you need to look past the words she's spoken and what you want them to mean and look at the situation and her actions. You've literally had nothing with this woman other than talk. You still have nothing with this woman but that, you were a source of comfort for her and that's about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 September 2013):
 I think CaringGuy is right. UNLESS she is a good friend, I would let her know that you can't go on being friends, it's just not working for you.
It is actually holding YOU back from finding someone, because you are still emotionally invested in her.
Wish her luck and go no contact.
I think she knew that the distance wouldn't work for her, so she was being honest. Even though she tried to "pin" it on you. (with the whole "but was afraid that I might get fed up of the distance and dump her for someone local.")
You still made her feel good, so she kept you around. NOT as a potential BF, but as a "friendly flirt"/friend.
I'm sure her BF is there and supporting her, but it's hard to let go of someone/some thing that makes us feel good. Such as YOU for her. You are her pick-me-up when she feels insecure or sad.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2013):
Sometimes people who are depressed, as this woman is, keep other people around because it makes them feel better. I don't think she's doing it on purpose, but she sounds very insecure and unhappy, and perhaps she's still speaking to you because in her head it makes her feel at ease that there is someone reliable that she can count on if it all goes wrong.
Of course, that doesn't make it much easier on you. Because ultimately, you're being kept around as a bit of a spare part. I remember when this happened to me, and I made the decision to cut the woman from my life. It was hard, and for a few weeks she really tried hard to get my attention. Even of two years, she tried to find me on facebook (I'm not on it thankfully). Since then we've both moved on and haven't looked back.
I think in your position, unless she is a great friend to you, you'd be better perhaps saying that what you had is now gone, and you can't be what you want her to be. You're better just moving on and finding someone else.
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