A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I both are 17. I have recently found out that one of the girls my boyfriend introduced to me as his sister is not, in fact, his sister. She is just a really close family friend. She has no blood or legal ties with him what so ever! Yet she is so close to his family that she has her own room in their house with her clothes and stuff. Apparently she stays there whenever she feels like it which is 2-3 days a week. She calls his mother and father mom and dad and behaves like she is a part of their family, except that she is not. She lives with her uncle and aunt who are old friends of his family and allow her to do whatever she wants. She calls my boyfriend whenever she wants to go somewhere for a lift and even tells him that she loves him. I find it so wrong on so many levels that I cannot even begin to explain it. His other two sisters are somewhat like her too but they are his real sisters not fake ones. I tolerated her shenanigans with him just because I thought she was his sister, but now I find her unbearable. Last week I went to see him at his house and she opened the door wearing his shirt! And everyone was cool about it like nothing happened. I literally cried after I got back home. The thought of her staying in his house and going into his wardrobe trying his clothes on makes me want to cry with jealousy.When I talked to him about it he said that he considers her his sister just like his other two blood sisters. That's why he introduced her to me as such. I have nothing to worry about. But he will not stop her from stealing his clothes and kissing him goodbyes. She even steals his dad’s clothes, no one can stop her. He says that she has been with their family like this since they all were in kindergarten so I shouldn't expect him to shun her away and that I am being irrational.What do you think? Is their relationship not objectionable? Am I not justified in demanding that he distance himself from her and stop laughing at her stupid jokes? I may not be able to make her stay away from his home because she has a relationship with the whole family but at least I should be given assurances that she will not enter his room or wear his shirts and hoodies? Or jump on him or call him like he's at her beck and call? Why can't he just rebuke her so she backs off? Is this really too much to ask for?PS. She is 17 too.
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male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 From What I can gather, she's part of his family. Blood or no blood, family is still family. I can probably understand Why you dislike this, but if your bf Says she's his sister ( by blood or not is unimportant) then I think you should ll trust him on this one
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 October 2012):
 I'll be honest here. My ACTUAL brother donated his kidney to me, and I'll be forever grateful to him as long as I live. We are close, and I love him very much. We've always been close growing up.
I've never worn a speck of his clothing!
This behavior is not appropriate for someone who is not a blood relative or an adopted or even foster sister. Wearing a guy's clothes is pretty symbolic of an intimate relationship that has nothing to do with being platonic. Sisters sometimes borrow clothes or jewelry, and sometimes mother/daughter clothing borrowing is just fine, but this isn't normal.
But more than the clothes and more than her proximity, there's something else here that is the most disturbing. Your boyfriend lied to you about who she was. She may be a family friend, and his feelings may be platonic, but for him to lie and call her "sister" when she's not is a serious red flag. He could say "She's like an adopted sister" or "She is a close family friend" or something more truthful. But the deception is unacceptable, and for that reason, I'd be very hesitant to go forward with the relationship.
If you choose to continue, you better tell him that he better not even think of lying to you ever again, and that you don't want to see his clothes on her again, because it looks like she and he spent the night together riding the skin boat!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 I think his family should turn their back on this girl who has been like one of the family since kindergarten, they should nail shut the door of her bedroom, and insist on being called Mr and Mrs Whatever instead of Mom and Dad. Everytime she 'borrows' a piece of clothing the cops should be called in, and this non blood interloper should be put in her place, how dare she, especially now that there is a girlfriend on the scene.
Hows that? Is that what you wanted to hear. This girl IS PART OF THE FAMILY, blood obviously has nothing to do with it. She has her own bedroom, she calls the parents Mom and Dad, she acts just like his other sisters, nobody in the family has a problem with it, as far as they are concerned, despite the sharing of DNA, she is a member of the family. You are asking him to discriminate against a family member ... how far do you think you are going to get with that attitude?
You are so wrong here, so wrong, especially as you accepted her behaviour until you learned there was no blood connection. This relects your lack of maturity.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 I agree that its not normal and anyone in your place would be upset but if your boyfriend says that there is nothing to worry about, then there isn't. Lots of unexplained relationships exist in the world, maybe this is one of them! Maybe he does look at her like a sister and there is nothing more to her actions than meets the eye. Unfortunately you cant do anything about this because she takes these liberties with his entire family so you just have to grin and bear it.
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A
female
reader, Lucious L  +, writes (27 October 2012):
Ok firstly I know nothing about your relationship with your boyfriend, only that you guys are 17 years of age and his family knows you so I'll answer generally. I think you should trust your boyfriend with what he is telling you and I understand where you coming from with all this anger, it is because your boyfriend didn't tell you from the start that this girl is not his biological sister and you had to find this out yourself. If I were you i'd calm down because atleast she's doing these things infront of me, imagine if she did it behind your back and found out from other people that she wears your mans clothing? Then that would be different. I hope I helped and remember if a relationship doesn't have trust, it basically has nothing. All the best with your relationship*
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 It sounds like to her this is more of her second family. I will admit if i was in your situation i would be rather jealous and i would have alot of concern.
However just for a second you must think of some reasons as to why she has this family as her second family, she may of had troubles at home, she may not like staying at home or maybe to her this family is closer to her than her real family.
She is ovbiously very close to this family, and also very close to your boyfriend.
I will say now that from expeirence with having trouble with my own boyfriends family members that trying to distance him from her is not a good thing to do as it could be taking the wrong way or could even cause some controversiy with other family members of his.
I will admit it seems a tad bit odd about the whole clothe thing? I don't know many sisters who borrow there brothers clothes ( i am an only child so forgive me if i am wrong) but that part would upset me aswell.
It also seems a little bit like she maybe takes advantage aswell, if she always wants him to pick her up and drop her off etc, and at the end of the day that could effect your relationship so you do need to talk to him about that.
This sadly is a fact you will have to learn to live with however, as its ovbious that this family has taking her in, and it seems as she is so close to this family that she is here to stay.
However if you feel she is affecting your relationship with your boyfriend then you must tell him, the thing about the clothes would bother me aswell, maybe ask him if his clothes can only be for you to wear? Make sure your very subtle, and describe it as for you its special and a kind of girlfriend thing that only you get to wear his clothes.
However if it makes you feel better, my boyfriend has a cousin who i never felt him being comfortable around just because her relationship with him was weird to say the least.
She would constantly message him, asking him to come out with her, or go and give fags to her, and infact at one point it seemed she was almost jealous that i was with her cousin? she was also 2 years older than him so i felt it wierd an 18 year old had to constantly go out with a 16 year old instead of people her own age.
It got to me so much, i had to eventually ask him if there was some thing more going on, it got to me that much. There wasn't, i found out the fact she was so clingy was simply because she had nobody else.
It was sad in a way, it could be the same with his surrogate sister. Beleive me however i have known people who have had blood related sisters or brothers who have proved to be as much as hassle or maybe even more of a hassle because they were jealous of another girl or boy taking there sibling away from them.
Asking him to distance himself is not going to work if he considers her to be his sister, however bringing up the thing about clothes and other issues such as him constantly giving her lifts can be brought up as it is affecting your time together.
It isn't wrong to feel a relationship like this is not right, as after all she is just a close friend of the family, however i will say sometimes friends can become family as for some it isn't about blood, but more about acutual bonds and affection that makes somebody family, and some familes even if it seems weird do work like that.
Good Luck xx
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