A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and in love with co-worker since 4 years. We share very intimate relationship like soulmates. Few months back she got married and she started to hide and lie things from me with regards to her relationship with husband inspite of we decidiing to keep everything open. She was caught red handed and broke our long lasting trust atleast thrice in gap of 4 months. As per her she didn't said me the truth with the fear that she would have lost me but she loves me still more than her husband. I feel betrayed, ditched and lot of emotional loss causing unbearable pain to myself, family, health and work. It's really painful to see her at work everyday and not able to focus on anything and cant live business either. She says she wants to live that life but don't want me to lose either.Please suggest/advice me in this situation what should I be doing? A practical, friendly reply will be really appreciated. Thanks for reading..
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at work, co-worker, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (23 March 2012):
 I cannot believe you are here asking us your question? You are very selfish and not very smart.... Soulmate? You are hurt by the betrayal? To the point where is affecting you mentally, physically, emotionally and daily life? You've been doing this to your wife for 4 years? Really speechless, you are here asking us for help and compassion.... Please, divorce your lovely wife, she deserves a real man, just because you pay the bills doens't make you a man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2012): No you cannot trust her.
You can't be trusted either
How can she 'leave' you or not - your both married to somebody else
You both CHOSE to stay with your husband & wife
What would you do if her husband found out,turned up at your work, angry and violent maybe even armed.......it is a STRONG possibility cos your messing with his new wife
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): Thanks for all the replies & appreciate all view points.
Fact is she doesn't want to leave me. Can I continue trusting her?
Please help..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): if she chose to marry someone else, then she's not your soul mate.
If you didn't get divorced so you could marry her, then you're not her soul mate.
all I see are two dishonest people not wanting to make things right, it's no wonder you're having problems with each other now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2012): If you were supposedly soulmates, then how come you married someone else, and didn't divorce your wife to be with this other woman, and why did this other woman marry someone else? that doesn't sound very soulmate-like.
if you're soul mates as you claim, why aren't either of you divorcing your spouses to be together?
you're not soul mates, if you were, you'd be fighting to be together, rather than marrying other people.
since you're not soul mates, you need to break up with this other woman and stop cheating on your poor wife.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): I've read all the posts from the other aunts and uncles and want to know just one thing. Did you have an arranged marriage? Did your co-worker? If you did I can sort of understand why you are in this emotional relationship with your co-worker and what you gain from it. However, you have to understand that before she got married, you had her full attention and loyalty. Now she is married her priorities have changed, her life has changed. What if her marriage works out and she stops this relationship with you? Have you decided what you're going to do? I can only see hurt and sadness in the future of this relationship for you both.
If you are not happy in your marriage, have the courage to end it.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 1. Dont talk to her
Find a new job.
2. Get far away from her as possible.
She broke your trust, and it is heartbreaking. Trust me many years ago i was in the same position as you... just get away... you will heal, it takes time and space.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): If you truly loved this woman you would be together now.
But you didn't divorce your wife, you continued to deceive her instead..
Now your lover has got married and you are accusing HER of being dishonest.She is just getting on with her life, you were not and are not free.
As I see it there is nothing you can do except find another job or totally ignore this woman until your feelings fade.
Focus on your wife, focus on what you have at home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): You're seeing a woman who is willing to cheat on her husband, and assist you in cheating on your wife.
Why would you expect honesty from this woman?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 March 2012):
 You're married, yet you have a trust issue with the woman you're currently betraying and lying to your wife in order to have a relationship with? Any affair, including an emotional one, is built from the start by the destruction of trust both in your marriages AND in your relationship with each other. A cheater getting with a cheater does not foster trust.
What upsets you is that she lied to YOU. You had no problem with lying to your wife and her lying to her husband. What did you expect? When you get with anyone, if you have the ability to glimpse into their habits and the way they've treated those who came before you. If she's cheated before, or currently, the odds are far more likely that she'll cheat and lie to you.
Your relationship was not built on trust, but rather a LACK of trust due to the destruction you've both been doing to your relationships. If your wife were on here, what would she say about what you're doing?
What you should be doing is taking care of your wife. You've made excuses as to why she's not as good as this girl you've been having an affair with for 4 years, and that's what they are. Excuses. Make it right with your wife, or leave her. Because you are the epitome of someone who is living and breathing the destruction of trust. It's pretty absurd that you're being hung up on your love interest's trust when you live the lifestyle of the untrustworthy.
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