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male
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anonymous
writes:What action should I take?I am a married man in my late twenties, who has fallen for someone much younger.We met in a chatroom last year, when her profile stated she was older.After a while, we spoke on MSN when I noticed that she was actually only 14.We still spoke as friends for a few months, but I then started to develop feelings for her over the months.I was in a very unhappy marraige and found her to be very easy to talk to.None of the feelings were sexual and we arranged to meet on 2 occasions.During this time, we just walked around and talked about stuff.We hope we can one day have a future together when the age is not a legal issue.I love her very much and my feelings are genuine.I know that I have broken the law by meeting her, but it is true love on my part.Her age is not the reason for the attraction, it would not matter if she was 114, I love the person she is.What should I do?I don't want to lose her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): To tell you the fact my friend, ur a very good man, u try to help people and that is exactly what u did, u tried to help these girls, u gave them attention and advice, which they were not getting from there families, as long as you do not do anything physical with them, ur not wrong. Your wife loves u and has an even bigger heart than u think, and she has massive control over her emotions, she did make an effort to come back to you, my friend u will not be useful to 14-yr old girls forever, the real treasure is your wife, recognise her importance in your life. The 14-yr olds might need u and u are feeling satisfied helping and linking up with them, but it is a fake, enough of experimentation, now go back to your wife and live happily.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): you should do what you feel your heart is desired. i dont care what anybody says when im with my man. i wish people would just leave us alone
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (10 July 2006):
 Stop justifying yourself. You are digging a bigger hole for yourself. If you are so intelligent why are you doing this??
Attraction CAN be controlled you know. Out of sight out of mind and all that.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 July 2006):
 Well Vlad I agree...you should stay in the hospital for a while. And please stop pestering the kid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf it was a boy pretending to be a 22 year old female, then my answer would be yes.
I would most definitely still want to help, but love blossomed with the girl over time as we were open and honest about everything.
None of our conversations were ever sexy or even sexually indicative.
I have spoken to my doctor about the situation and have my psychiatry sessions next month.
I have told my doctor that I feel I would be best staying in hospital for a while.
As for me taking up a hobby and being unintelligent.
I am a martial arts instructor and work as a computer programmer.
I speak 4 languages and have an IQ of 140.
Sorry for defending myself.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (8 July 2006):
 Let me throw this one in the pot....If your feelings are so very pure for her - then I DO wonder - WOULD YOU WANT SO BADLY TO HELP OUT IF IT WERE A BOY!!!!????
I THINK NOT!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): The person she is at 14 is not the person she will be for life, first of all. Even in 10 years, which is like a million between the ages of 14 and 24, she will have radically changed. At that point you will be in your late 30s and she will still be in her early 20s, and believe me, if she has anything going for her at all, she will want to taste the world for herself.
I am the young mother of a 14 year old girl (I am only 31 myself), and although I consider my daughter very responsible and mature for her age, I cannot fathom a man in his late 20s taking her seriously. That is, unless his IQ was very low, and he preferred the simplicity of a girl who has only been a teenager for 1 short year.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): Mr. Anon, I've avoided this thread for some pretty obvious reasons. Lots of Aunts and Uncles have made some pretty good viable points, and I also agree with Jaxwardle86 on her approach on things.
You know for a grown man with some experience in life, you could have well found that this 'love' you speak about is possibly just a facet of your life that has been missing in your life for some time. In other words, this teenager is giving you attention, some emotion, and she expresses a desire to be with you, possibly even change and grow with you. However, couldn't you have remained friends or connected with her like that of an older brother?
Personally, I cannot see myself connecting to anyone (generally) younger than 24 due to maturity, experience in life, the ability to relate to the outside world - working, career, hardships, travel, knowledge, and so on. Now this isn't an attack but an objective PoV; unless your mentality is also lacking in maturity and worldly experience, I cannot see how she can actually connect with you that way.
For myself, I have friends ranging from about age 6 and 7 (well, they look at me as if I am their wrinkly old brother), all the way to their late 80's. Lots of pre-23 year olds - girls and boys. No matter how interesting or how cute or whatever they are, I just don't find them compatible. Yes, I see potential in many of them, but if I put patience into play here, why would I be waiting around for a teenager, when I can find someone else in this world of nearly 7 billion who can connect with my on a much more mature scale?
Anyway, what I suggest Mr. Anon, is that you should take time off and travel the world. There's a lot more to life than MSN and the highschool kids 'next door'. Going places, touching cultures and languages, meeting new people can expand your mind, your spirituality, and of course, your own knowledge and emotion.
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male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Sir, if you are still here, you are either playing us OR you don't really care what we think, and just want to continue this futile exercise to get your jollies.
And what eyeswideopen said is so much the truth that it is NO JOKE. But you can't see that because you rationalize away your behaviour EVERY TIME we make you see what is plain ly obvious to us and other outisiders who have seen this thread.
I was initially sympathetic but now I have come to a final judgement about you - either you are lying to us or you are morally bankrupt. Both are unflattering judgements.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (23 June 2006):
Well come on. Is this really for real? Can you not understand how this must look to an outsider? After all this is a classic story...older married man with no moral fibre (well at least not enough to walk away), young jail bait and a situation that can easily be solved by a plain old fashioned 'get a grip'!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNice to see this turning to a joke thread.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 June 2006):
lol
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 June 2006):
Vladimer Nabokov...is that you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again carebear
I did try to make a go of things with my wife, but when we kissed or cuddled, I was feeling so guilty and felt like I was cheating on this young girl.
The feelings for my wife were almost none existent even before I got talking to this other girl though, so she is not the reason why I no longer love my wife.
We are still friends, but I just dont think I could ever love her the way I used to. I have tried to change this.
We are seperated and divorce proceedings have begun.
All I can ever seem to do is think of this girl and spend all day crying, I am doing my own head in. I just can't get her out of my head.
As for me being obsessed with her, that is a definite yes.
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female
reader, carebear +, writes (19 June 2006):
 hello again
i am glad you agreed with some of my comments just to add i know you have said about your wife but she must be extremely hurt by what you are saying (in love with a 14 yr old) and she was still going to give you a chance as you ahve stated in previous post you have suffered from various problems and your WIFE had stood by you married you given you children i think you should try harder with this as it is very difficult for children to cope with these things DON'T throw the towel in get yoyurself back on track try not to think about yourself but your family and concentrate on doing things to make them happy you might feel alot better about yourself that you this girl as i think she has become an obsession for you which is not good hope you take my advice and hope to here from you again
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (19 June 2006):
If this girl has been raped a couple of times to paraphrase your words then you need to back away....now.
She is either a fantasist who thinks this sort of converstaion will get her symapthy...or she is EXTREMELY damaged goods. Were the hell are her parents in all this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you carebear, yes, I do have children.
I would hit the roof if it was my daughter, but my opinion would be different if I knew the full intentions of the guy.
I am proceeding with the counselling and we hardly speak anymore anyway now.
We are both moving on with our lives, although she has promised me that she will stay at school, pass her exams and stay out of trouble.
I have only ever been concerned for her welfare and happiness.
I will never stop loving her and thinking about her though.
My wife and I have now gone our seperate ways and divorce proceedings will be starting shortly.
I told her that I was in love with somebody else and that I wanted her to find somebody who can love her tha eay she loves me.
We are now still good friends, but that is all we will ever be.
Thank you to everybody
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female
reader, carebear +, writes (18 June 2006):
hi
i have just read all the updates on this post and am glad that someone is trying to help this bloke. you are married do you have kids (daughter) what would you think do if this was your daughter? as you have said you want to help her advise her to talk to somene in school listen to her problems advised her to talk to her friends plans for the future let her dream cause that's what they do at that age big mistake was telling her you love her as you have only spoke to her on msn and then god forbid carried on when you found out what age she was now you obviously have a lot of issues and having lived with these you KNOW that you can come out the other side you also said your wife will wait for you she must still love and care for you cause if she did't she would be off wanting nothing to do with you (lucky) before this goes any further and you get into serious trouble expalin to this girl that you have overstepped the mark and you need to get yourself sorted out you are not abandoning her you should have never have gone there in the fist place also explain to her that if she had not lied about her age you would not be in this position i think this girl need attention but not from you. i hope you follow through with the counceling and find yourself in a better place as look what has happend and you a re only online imagine if this was happening to you in the street could you cope?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will defend myself where required.
I agree with many of the points and suggestions, hence my reason for counselling and a long talk with this girl
However, if somebody says I am trying to hold her back or says that I am not trying to help her, then of course I am going to defend myself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2006): Can I ask why you felt the need to post this message?
I ask because you don't seem to have actually listened to any of the advice that has been given to you; instead, you defend EVERYTHING that you disagree with. It is a waste of our time, and yours, if you are simply going to defend every point that has been made. A lot of good advice has been given to you - I suggest you use it.
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reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (15 June 2006):
You're not going to get a fair shake on this forum - you realize this by now I hope.
Having said this, I find your reasons for continuing this very risky relationship to be troublesome, and unconvincing. You are both very damaged people. It is unlikely that either of you will find healing through this relationship. She needs help from someone who doesn't have an emotional bias towards her, just as you need the same help from someone who does not have an emotional bias towards you.
What makes you certain that you won't take advantage of the situation in a weak moment? Don't answer this question on this forum - think about it very carefully on your own or with your counsellor. This question does not have an easy answer, and if you think it does, you're in BIG trouble.
Also, have you considered the possibility that this girl is taking advantage of YOU?
Finally, I think you should stop coming to this forum as soon as you start your therapy. You need to get away from online chat and start confiding in people that are in the real world, where you can see the consequences of your choices.
Good luck, and for the sake of the ones you love stay in the real world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, firstly, I was never unfaithful. emotionally or otherwise.
We had finished when I started to talk to this girl as a 22 year old person.
She already has a life of her own, I am not trying to stop her from doing anything.
My marraige had already ended, but waspainfully prolonged for many years before I even knew this girl.
Secondly, How am I holding her back?
I have done nothing more than encourage her to work hard, stay at school, be better behaved, stay out of trouble.
I was going to help her pay for uni.
I really do not see this as holding her back.
Maybe you should read the details of the situation before judging me.
You would be surprised what *grown up* experience she has in life, including being raped multiple times.
She has been through more turmoil in her life than I have and I will always try to be there to support her.
I will NEVER hold her back and I am not some needy bloke either.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (14 June 2006):
as an adult YOU should ahve terminated this friendship the minute you noticed her age. YOU should have taken control and stopped these feelings developing. Obviously you think that this is going to be *for life* but she is 14 and I can guarrantee that she will not be about in four or five years when she wants a life of her own! Not one with a guy who has already been emotionally unfaithful, if nothing else, to the woman he married and swore to forsake all other's for.
You would be a fool to throw a marriage away for a situation that is only that, a hypothetical situation. This 14 year old has yet to experience anything *grown-up*. To live her life, travel, go to uni....so many things. She doesn't need some needy bloke who is looking for a way out of his marriage holding her back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have an appointment for later this month, so will hopefully be able to sort my emotions out.
I just don't think that my feelings towards this girl will ever change. I know I do really love her.
I try to stay offline, but that only seems to make things worse and I miss her like crazy.
I do see myself as a father figure, like this morning I was asking her to concentrate extra hard in class and try to get along with the teachers who she has a hard time with.
She has exams soon and is way behind on her work, I know how clever she is and am sure she can pass if she puts the extra work in now.
I tell her she is clever, but she says she is stupid.
I just want her to be more self confident and realise her true potential.
She has lived a life of sadness and insecuity and I know I can make her very happy someday. I would give her anything she wanted and would support her with any choices she makes in life. I know the situation does not seem very good, but I do feel as though we do have a future.
We have been chatting about the future and what we would both like to happen. I want her to go to college to maximise her potential in all aspects of life.
I really do want the best for her and all of my intentions are for her happiness, not any sexual gratification.
I may be many things, but do not believe that I am a paedophile or anything like that.
I am genuinely in love with her, but if she decided that I was not for her, I would stand back and allow her the freedom to choose her own destiny.
At the moment, we are just friends but are both hoping for a future together when the time is possible.
My wife has now decided that we have absolutely no future and we are now both talking about divorce as the next step.
She just wants to move on now that she has closure.
I just want my wife to be happy and I realise that she could never be happy with me.
I hope that she meets somebody who will treat her right, something that I was unable to persintently do.
As I said earlier, I can understand why none of the first responses to my post were sympathetic, paedophilia is a horrible word and at first glance, that must seem like what this is.
If anybody has any clue about how I really felt about this girl, they would see things in a different light.
I am not a sicko, but I may be sick.
I suppose my councellor will soon work that one out for me.
Whatever the outcome of my sessions, I am sure people will agree that I do genuinely love her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): For those of you who have auto-approve status, please use more discretion in the future when composing your answers.This person has come here for help, not abuse.
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reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (13 June 2006):
Please follow through and get some professional medical advice. You need to understand why you are allowing your emotions to consume your being and why you feel compelled to follow your heart.
I think your wife loves you very much. She sees that you are very troubled and have not yet come to a level of self-understanding that would allow you to get control of your emotions and your life.
The fact that you fail at your suicide attempts probably means that you are doing it for show - what you are really doing is crying out for help. Coming here to this forum is a good first step, but I once again stress that you should see a professional doctor.
We are here as a sounding board, and nothing more - We are not professional doctors; at least I am not one. Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2006): Hi anonymous
Thanks for clarifying the situation.
It's difficult to give advice over the internet like this, a lot of people say: do this, do that, this can actually be quite dangerous. This is similar to the situation with you and this girl, by chatting over the Internet to someone, you are given a certain insight in to a perspective that they project verbally; but real life interaction can often show that the previous feelings of empathy and understanding were too over-simplified as you can begin to get to know someone in person. For example, have you never spoken to someone online to find them like a soul-mate, only to meet them in person to see you don't actually have any thing in common? This does happen all the time.
Regarding suicide, this is not allowed to be discussed on this website. Suicide-related questions need to be answered by qualified and experienced people. If you do have any concerns about this or want to talk about suicide-related issues please contact an appropriate organisation, otherwise your posts on here might be removed.
When I read your posts about this girl I have this overwhelming feeling that you want to help this girl and take care of her. She is at the age when you were vulnerable, and had been bullied, and it comes across that you want to make sure she does not make the mistakes that you made. You have been there, done that, and you can help her on to the right path. But the thing is this: Young teenagers are supposed to make mistakes. They are supposed to go out with bad boyfriends, to get in to trouble - but then to learn from those mistakes. It's how we grow in to adults, it's how we can learn what we come to know as right and wrong. It's how we go on to choose the partners and friends in life that we do. You are clearly projecting a father-figure role model on to her. This is an unhealthy sign of a relationship. She might seem to like it now, but she will soon fight against it.
No matter what your intentions are towards this girl, because she has confessed her love for you, you are no longer in any position to be any kind of role model for her.
Most 15yr olds, who have long, deep and meaningful conversations with an older man such as you who is openly emotional, will come to develop an emotional attachment. Again I emphasis, why is internet paedophilia so predominant? Because it is far easier to "groom" a child over the Internet than it is to hang outside a school offering sweets. You sound like a caring, and well intentioned person, but please, listen to me when I say that if you pursue this with this girl, you really are risking arrest and I don’t want to think that someone as vulnerable such as yourself is having to deal with the traumatic experiences that prison brings.
This girl has clearly got a lot of emotional problems and you can not, or will not be able to "fix" her like you want too. I think you have confused your feelings of love for her, for the desire to want to protect her from the bad experiences that this girl has had. Again, they are bad pretences for a relationship.
Again I go back to your wife. No matter how nasty you think your wife treats you; how do you honestly think she feels about you wanting to be with a 15yr old girl? Take away all the hate, arguments and resentment for each other that you have, and imagine her, as a person that you once loved, being told that you are choosing a 15yr old over her and your family, no doubt that would cause much hurt and rejection. There is also another reason why she would say you were useless and no-body would want you. If you want to find out these reasons, you need to pursue marriage counselling. When people act in anger, hate, or resort to criticism, there are always hidden intentions and reasons for such behaviour.
Last - The fact this girl turns 16 soon is not relevant. The problem here is your reasons for why you think you love her, and why she thinks she loves you. I stress again, please pursue this counselling. Counselling is not a quick-fix solution. You will have to stick with it, even if during the initial stages it seems like it is not helping. Pursue it, and I think you will get a lot of insight about a whole lot of things in your life. All the best with everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Dr Pete, I am currently seperated from my wife, she has moved out and said i should try to realise exactly what I feel for this girl.She does still want to be with me and she is aware of all my past emotional problems including depression, I am not emotionally young, but am incredibly emotional, especially during periods of depression. I remember my first serious instance when i was 10, I was getting bullied at that time and was severely upset I had problems with my stepfather, mainly emotional abuse, sometimes physical (nothing sexual or anything) I had nobody to turn to and eventually turned to crime, constantly in trouble with the police.Because of my rebellious and deppressive times, most of my family turned their backs on me.Not long after this, I attempted suicide for the first time. Over the last 19 years, my suicide attempts have probably reached well into the hundreds, Another thing I am useless at! As time went by, I became more secure and later married, My marraige started to fail after about a year, but we were both determined to make it work. After 9 years of unhappiness, we decided to take a trial seperation, She told me I was useless and that nobody would ever want me.After hearing this, I registered on a friendship website and was approached in a chatroom by a 22 year old female,We got on really well and spoke many times in the chatrooms.I felt so comfortable and we spoke about everything. My problems, her problems, etc.After around a month, we started to speak on MSN.A few weeks later, I checked her MSN profile where I noticed that she was only 14.I asked her about this and she told me that she was only 14.After a small chat, she said that my advice was helping and asked me to stay in contact with her, which I eventually agreed to.We spoke about what she did at school, family problems and I was there to listen and help wherever I could.She then said that there was a guy at school who fancied her and i asked her to give him a chance.She did this and then would talk about him and how happy she was whenever we were on MSN.I started to feel jealous after a while and started to wonder about my own feelings.Was I really starting to fall for her?, surely not.We did not speak for around 2 months after that and then finally spoke on MSN again.During these 2 months, my wife moved back in, but we were never really back together.I realised my true feelings and she was saying that she was always getting into trouble and bunking off school with her boyfriend,He was a bad influence on her and she started to tell me that she loved me.I was in shock and denial about my feelings which again triggered my depression.I would then look forward to speaking with her and would think about her 24 hours a day. Whenever we spoke, i was very happy and fell deeper in love with her until it got to the point where she was all I could ever think about. Eventually, it got to the stage where I was always on my computer talking with her.After a few months, we decided to meet. We just walked around and talked about everything. I felt happy and felt like I was making a difference as she said her schooling was gettiong better.She promised me she would stop getting in trouble and start staying in school.She then eventually dumped her boyfriend too.Now she is happy, doing better at school and is starting to realise what she wants in life.She says she is completely in love with me and wants to be with me forever.I have told her that we can never be in that kind of relationship until she is 16.She is prepared to wait and so am I.I really do love her, the person that she is.I know she is only 14, but i would wait forever until we are BOTH ready to take things to a more serious stage.I dont have any sexual feelings for her, but care about her more than anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): Before having any thing more to do with this child, you need to put some distance between your wife and family. Not just for them, but for you. You need to assess your feelings about your marriage, your wife, yourself, and finally, this new girl.
But until that time, you can't seriously entertain any feelings you have for this child whilst you are still in this marriage.
I don't mean to insult you in saying this, but you come across as being very emotionally young, as young as a teenager. You say your depressed, and suicidal. Do you really love this girl enough to put so much emotional baggage on her at such a young age? Do you really think she could handle you? You must remember that girls of this age are VERY vunerable, and usually very insecure. They want to be loved, to be seen as special - and hense - there are laws against paedophilia.
I'm glad you are going to see a councellor, I hope this works out for you, hopefully through talking you will better understand your situation and your feelings.
Lastly, It's interesting that your wife said she will wait for you. Doesn't that indicate that despite how you feel about her, that she does actually love you and want to be with you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have, she is going to be speaking to some counsellors in the school.
Most people probably have just jumped to conclusions, it is easy to see why though.
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female
reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (12 June 2006):
 Your welcome although i don't think alot of people agreed with me. I think your right and people have seen the age gap and jumped strait to conclusions rather than actually reading and answering the question like theyre meant to.
Where you are her advisor now maybe try and get her to talk to her gp she obviously has had a lot to deal with and need proffesional help as well as some adult advice.
Take care jax xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you jaxwardle86
We only talk on MSN, when we talk about her schooling and things like that.
She is starting to show an improvement is class and is now off her report.
Her attendance has improved also, she has not bunked school for months, whereas she used to bunk almost every day.
She just needs to stop being so talkative and get her head down a little more.
I was in a similar situation when at her age, but had nobody for support as i could not talk to my family.
She feels the same and I am the only person who she trusts.
I do only have her best interests at heart an can see that she is doing much better in many aspects of life.
I have no intention of anything before she is 16 and even then, I doubt my feelings will be sexual.
Things are just not like that with us.
I do realise that it seems wrong, but I cannot just walk away and turn my back on her.
I promised I would never turn my back on her or hurt her in any way.
She means everything to me.
Most of the harsher words were understandable, but the general assumption about things like this is that it must sexually motivated.
This is not always the case and definitely not a position I ever thought I would find myself in.
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reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (11 June 2006):
I think you guys are wrong very wrong People come on this site for ADVICE not abuse. I have kids of my own and although i would feel uncomfortable about my daughter in this situation if he is helping her which he obviously is as shes going to school more and she is happier then i would make an exception but maybe thats just me as i have a age gap marriage. And i don't agree that they don't have feelings for each other.Anyway she is 14 and its not like theyre having a sexual relationship which is in no way illegal some people go to there mums some to there sisters shes found him to talk to Not a bad thing in my eyes. Leave any other thing apart from a friendship with this girl until she is 16 though.And please don't listen to some of these harsher words you are not doing anything wrong at the moment and please keep it that way. good luck xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have booked myself in for counselling already, going next week.
Lots to sort out.
I came on this site hoping for guidance and advice, If I wanted attacks, I would have stayed with my wife.
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reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (8 June 2006):
 Your intentions are just about helping her then? Perleezz! Take Dr T's advice and get yourself to a councellor and sort yourself out!
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reader, Dr T  +, writes (8 June 2006):
seriously man...talk to a councellor about this...not a 14 year old CHILD!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): people should stop being so nasty she been trought alot and needs someome there maby she does love him maby not only she knows that and u should be careful
as u can get into alot off shit
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): this child doesnt love you! the only reason she's seeking you, "the older man", is because you are like a "father figure" to her. you say she's been through alot inlcuding rape, well, there you go, she doesnt know what love is and is leaning on you for that support and thinks that she feels the same for you. Oh and the same thing for you! You cant possibly be in love with her either, she was the only one that was there to talk to at the time to listen to you're pathetic problems and now you think you're in love with her because she was the only one there for you! bull, she doesnt care or understand the problems in a marriage to understand and care about you much less fall in love with you. Get it in your head that she is a child! Or you know what, you're lyin to yourself about this also. you want to believe that its just innocent..you believe in her.."blah blah blah blah blah!" bullcrap so that you wont have to feel guilty for wanting to make it with a innocent child! sicko! Most men do that, so that people wont look at you bad. Discusting if you ask me either way. Whatever the, 'your excuse' is, its wrong in all aspects! You better hope that the police dont come after you one day!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2006):
What a good Daddy you are!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, we have discussed all this before.
My wishes for her are to do well at school, she was always bunking off and getting into trouble.
She is now staying in school and trying hard when she is there. My intentions for her are for the best, although this may not seem to be the case to others.
I know that nobody can ever understand how I feel, but I believe she has potential to do anything she wants in life.
I will support her whatever she decides, including never being with me. I know I can make her happy and she would never want for anything.
I have said that I would like to just cease contact until the time was right, (if ever)
She has pleaded with me not to do this and does not want to lose contact with me.
She has been through so much in her life already, including being raped.
She feels the school and her family hate her. I am the one person who she trusts and i am not willing to turn my back on her.
If she asked me to stay out of her life, I would without a moments hesitation. I would give her anything she ever wanted and would never hurt or betray her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): "I have suffered with depression most of my life and have attempted suicide more times than I can remember.
This girl is the only one who makes me happy."
If you really truly love and care for this girl, why would you place such an enormous responsibility and weight on her?
Say you do wait four years before entering into a relationship. What will she give up to be with you? At eighteen, the world should be her playground, she should be going to university, having life experiances...you will deprive her of all that. In return, what will she really gain?
If you really love her, you will remove yourself from her life compleatly until she has come into her own. If it's real, she'll find you.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (7 June 2006):
As the mother of three daughters I'd like to say that no matter what your pathetic excuses are for supposedly being in love with a 14 year old are, you now know her real age and should act like any normal responsible adult and cease all contact with her!
She's a kid and you're old enough to know better, sorry but there are too many men and women out there like you and it makes my stomach turn.
GROW UP and GET A LIFE!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, firstly, my marraige is over.
I told my wife how I feel and was honest with her about meeting this girl.
She has already said she is prepared to wait, so we have to lat time take its course.
I understand some of the more harsh replies, but I did not seek anybody out, nor have I since I met her.
I know my feelings are real for her and I hate myself for that.
I have suffered with depression most of my life and have attempted suicide more times than I can remember.
This girl is the only one who makes me happy.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Have you at all considered your wife in this situation?
Does she know that she is married to a man who seeks women out, or should I say, children, out on the internet and meets with them?
Why don't you address the problems in your marriage before looking outside it for companionship?
Secondly, the fact that you didn't run a mile when you found out this child was 14 is very disturbing and if this girl were my daughter or younger sister or student or whatever, I would have the police onto you so quick.
Leave this child alone and work out something with your wife - either attempt to make it work or agree that the marriage is over.
It appears that marriage vows, ethical standards, morals or the LAW mean absolutely nothing to you.
Act like a man and face up to your responsibilities rather than seeking the company of school children.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): This is not good if you ask me. She's a child and doesnt know what true love is. She's very vulnerable right now and is innocent! Leave her alone. She may act mature, but that's just an act, you know little kids play grown ups when they're in there teens. They think that they know it all just because they're teenagers and out of elementary! She's acting like a grown up, but is and has the mentality of a child!!! Do you want to end up in prison! You're risking yourself here. How could you possibly have feelings that you feel for a woman for a child! I hope you leave her alone and get things settled between you and your wife! You're an emotional reck right now, you're looking for love in all the wrong places. You cant love a child that way and she cant possibly feel that way about you! She doesnt know any better! If you have needs go look for them elsewhere and not with a child! And next time, make sure that she is a WOMAN not a child!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): I feel, that you have the makings of a internet predator and I think you have underlying motives for this 14 year old. And when her parents find out, I hope they charge you with felony charges— attempted lewd and lascivious behavior with a minor and attempting to solicit a child over the Internet. Any man with some integrity and ethics, would run the other way. You aren't doing this. Walk away before this gets out of hand and you land yourself in prison.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): I strongly agree with Eddie. Get yourself together and leave this vulnerable child alone - not for 4 years but forever. I would bet my bottom dollar that in 4 years time she will have forgotten all about you, and if you have any sense or code of ethics you will allow her to do this.
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (6 June 2006):
 You should be ashamed and probably arrested. Something is wrong if you expect me, at least, to listen to you pining for a child. What could you have in common? She's a kid. Are you out of your mind. You'd better get help before her father cracks your skull or your wife for that matter. IF your were chatting up my daughter you'd be in big trouble. That fact that you met her, TWICE tells me your judgement is in the toilet. Get a grip, get to a therapist and do it quickly. If not, you'll be in jail soon and known for the rest of your life as a pig. Nobody will EVER trust you again !!! Especially around kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): You're a married man and you should concentrate on your relationship with your wife before you embark on a relationship, be it sexual or not, with anyone else regardless of their age.
You need to be honest with this girl because (let's be honest here) she's just a girl, that you are a married man and though you feel an attraction to her you need time to sort out your marriage.
Talk to your wife, let her know you are unhappy and see whether you have anything worth saving.
You can always stay friends with her but don't burden her too much and don't make any promises or ask anything from her as that wouldn't be fair on her or you or your wife.
Tell this girl to give you time to sort your problems out. If she genuinely wants a future with you she'll wait until this is all resolved and she's old enough to make an informed decision on the matter.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 June 2006):
You should leave the kid alone for 4 more years. In the mean time, divorce your wife so she doesn't waste any more time on you and can get on with her life. Then take up a hobby to keep yourself busy for the next 4 years. If it is the true love that you think it is then your little friend will still be interested after she becomes LEGAL.
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