A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I recently met a woman who is a few years older than me. We got on really well, talked on the phone for hours and were texting eachother constantly. I saw a couple pics of her and decided to meet her in person. She was even better looking in the flesh, really beautiful and did not look her age. On our first meeting we had lots of cuddles and kisses and I told her I was very attracted to her and she said she was attracted to me.I found it really easy to talk to her and as we had both been through bad breakups she really understood me and said many things to me that made sense and comforted me. We saw eachother last night, she made me feel really welcome in her home and we again had amazing hugs and kisses. I then started to weird out a bit and started thinking about my ex and I told her I didn't think I could date her because I still loved my ex. She seemed really dissapointed so I said that we could just be friends and go out and maybe share hugs and kisses.She was a bit upset and got tearful but seemed fine when I left, but she did not reply to my text last night that I had got home safely and also this morning when I text to ask her if she was ok, she hasn't replied. What's going on, why won't she answer me? and why won't she just be friends? I feel ignored.
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female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (19 March 2012):
If you aren't over your ex then you really shouldn't be looking at other women. You need to take a break from women completely for a while and get your head clear.
She is ignoring you because you have hurt her - she cried because she thought you both wanted the same thing ie a relationship. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you have felt if she had said the exact same thing to you? Not a nice feeling is it?!
If she does eventually reply to your texts then please don't lead her on any further. In fact I think you should cut all ties and let her move on because otherwise she will be thinking you are still interested and possibly that there may be a change of heart in you. As for saying you would like to remain friends and have kisses and hugs - that sounds a polite way of saying do you want to be my FWB or that you want your cake and eat it.
Hopefully by now you have realised you did wrong - so best you clear that head of yours of ones ex before pursuing a new relationship.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Because you are wanting to use this New Woman to get the affection and be honest, sex, but don't want to emotionally invest in her as you WANT BACK your EX.
So its a game you are playing Mr Player and all about you and your needs- selfish.
I'm glad she sees it and says EFF You. ;)
She doesn't owe you friendship when you can't even provide that to her honestly.
No Woman the Loves and Respects herself would fall for your 'arrangement'.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): I don't blame her for ignoring you, she wanted more than friends, she thought you were wanting the same.
Then wham, you tell her you just want to grope her, in effect, because you love your Ex still! Thats like a slap round the face.Good for her sticking to her guns.
I would steer clear of any relationship until your over your Ex for your sake and the womens.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (19 March 2012):
 You put her off with the "I love my ex" comment.
Its mixed signals to this lady who thought you was into her, and the next thing you admit your in love with your ex.
You cannot be friends with someone who likes you more than a friend, its difficult for her, understand it from her shoes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 March 2012):
 You know friends might hug and kiss, but NOT in the same way a dating/courting couple does, so yea I don't blame her for not wanting to text/talk to you after you basically dumped her. And then you suggest you two be friends with "hugs and kisses" like FWB? But you can't get involved because you still pine after your ex?
It was a HUGE slap in the face to her, I think.
Why would you even start chatting up a woman and start seeing her if you know you aren't over the ex? Unfair man. You tell her you are attracted to her and she tells you she feels the same way, then you pull the rug out from under her and you don't see WHY she won't talk to you?
I would leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 March 2012):
 You feel ignored?
She feels rejected!
Did you meet her on a dating site? Because from what you have said, and the 'hugs and kisses' all suggest that she wanted more than just friends from you.
She probably assumed (wrongly) that you were attracted to her, and felt the same connection that she did about you.
Instead, you basically told her in a roundabout way that you didn't want her and were not attracted to her and didnt want to be in a relationship.
Yet you were happy to be just 'friends' but still 'hug and kiss'.
I think one of the worst things you can hear from someone you are attracted to are those immortal words "lets just be friends"....
When you care about someone and they dont feel the same about you, it is one of the most painful experiences possible.
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