A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Please help me, i was seeing a girl and we had some really special times together we really made a connection, i fell in love with her. However from word go there was another guy constantly on her case, he's the local desperado, he's actually been infatuated with nearly ever girl i know at one point or another, so much so that he's seen as a bit of a joke between them, well he worked his magic and i found out she had been seeing him behind my back for the last couple of months, i'm absolutley devastated i truely loved her. All my girl friends say that they can honestly not understand what she's thinking. I feel so crushed inside, i've never been subjected to this sort of thing before. when it all came out i kept my dignity, i could have killed the guy as he knows me and its just something that you dont do in my book, i refrained from hitting him, and i didn't say a nasty word to her i just let her know that she had hurt me badly, since then i've done a dissappearing act and stayed away, a couple of weeks ago i got a prank call from a withheld number at 1.30 in the morning and then a few days later the same again, i suspect it was her. maybe she realised her mistake. I really dont know what to think, i miss her so much, i'm haunted by thinking about all the nice times we had together, i can't believe that she could do it to me. I having visions of her with him doing all the things we used to enjoy doing:( I'm also looking at all the signs that i missed or chose to ignore and it breaks my heart.As a person she is very easily led and very insecure and the guy she has left me for is a really slimey manipulative kind of person, my friend thinks that he must have filled her full of lies and manipulated his way in there, i hate to say it but shes that gullable it wouldn't suprise me, i've never had problems getting women and i really look after myself i don't smoke don't drink and train really hard to stay in good shape, because of the way i look people assume that i'm full of myself etc. This couldn't be further from the truth i'm really insecure an suffer from anxiety, my friend is certain that the guy will have made stuff up about me to get his way with her, she never did think that she was good enough for me and she often used to say that i didn't realise whos after me ect....How can i stop thinking about her?? I love her so much still:( I can't stop thinking about her with him? It truely is heartbreaking. I really miss her, i try to think about all the lies she told but find myself making excuses for her?? i'm still in love with her. What can i do? I know deep down that i should never speak to her again but i cant seem to let go for good theres still apart of me that wants her. i'm confused:(
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cheated on me, crush, fell in love, insecure, player Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Maureen  +, writes (26 May 2007):
Remember that if your partner cheats on you there is every chance that he (she) will
do it again so you must be prepared. Don't let it eat at you but don't
fall about in a heap if it happens. If you've decided the relationship
is worth pursuing, go for it with all your heart. That's why it it's good that you stop loving this guy. Because it is a waste of time.
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 No problem. Glad to hear you're making progress. Keep those thoughts up and I assure you, you will get out of this situation better than ever.
My boyfriend and I were together for a long time, then we hit the rocks and we went on a break. The day after we did this, he got with his ex who he'd been texting and no doubt seeing behind my back... Not the best thing to find out on Valentine's day eh?
It took a while, but I got over him and everytime I see him, I ensure that as I walk past, I don't look at him, but I smile to make sure that he know that I'm not at all bothered about what he did and most definatly to prove to him that he's not worth my tears and that I CAN cope without him.
Do the same, it makes you feel great and it makes them feel horrible becoz they realise that someone doesn't like them anymore and they arn't needed!!
If ya need to talk more, send me a personal message and I'll try to help all I can :D
Keep smiling!!!! This too will pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks i really hope that it does get better i have real trouble sleeping still after 6 weeks or so of no contact, i gat really bad anxiety when i even see cars on the roads that look like theres. I still can't understand why she suddenly changed on me:( Prehaps he played his ace one night when i wasn't with her and her defenses were down then there was no going back, this is what happened i think, i think she got herself into a position that she couldn't get out of, because she suddenly started to go cold on me, i thought it was just a bad patch that we were going through so i was being extra nice to her to try and redeem myself, i was buying her flowers and going out for days out and having really nice times i honestly cant believe that she was doing all these things with me still if she was seeing someone else, its just sick i think, even just a week before it all came out we had a lovely day out together and i bought her a big cuddly toy and she bought me a little gift and we said that we always wanted to be a part of each others lives, how could she do this when all along she was seeing someone else :( i just dont think that a normal person could treat someone that way, i could never do it put it that way. I think that maybe she bailed out on our relationship when we weren't getting on perfectly and started seeing that guy but when we went back to having nice times she realised she'd messed up but it had gone too far and the guy was probably pressuring her, she gave up on us at the first slump, there was only a flat patch in our relationship because i was under alot of stress and suffering bad anxiety at the time, i could have done with a little support if anything.God i wish that she'd have stuck with me, we could have been really good together:( Knowing the idiot she's now with they wont last long, as i said before he tried it on with her when we first started seeing each other and she rejected him and said that she was seeing me she told me all about this and we both laughed and she said that she thought he was weird and wouldn't look at him twice, i think that the rejection only pushed him further and over the next few months he was on a mission to redeem himself, he has got a major reputation for this sort of thing! He was a shoulder to cry on when we were having a bad patch and he took advantage. I dont think that they will last long, there relationship was started on the wrong footing dont you think ??
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 Excellant advice, bubbloo. As hard as it is, and I know it is hard, please try to take bubbloos advice. You are so much better than this lying, cheeting, tramp who played with your affections. It will take time, but someday you will look back and know that you dodged a bullet. Please be well.
~dee
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanyou for your reply
I really do need to value myself more, and i bet she was loving all the attention of having guys fighting over her, she probably is getting some sort of sick kick knowing that she crushed me. maybe this is in someway to compensate for the fact that her ex cheated on her and left her for another girl, taking the power back! What better way for her to recover her ego than to do what shes done.
Its just really hard for me to think about all the times we had together and think that they meant nothing to her, she was probably going with that guy behind my back even then, i'm gonna try the box idea that you suggested but i'm having real trouble detaching myself.
I think that i need to find someone to love me and not just treat me as a trophy next time, its really difficult to know if people are genuine though, put it this way you could never imagine looking at this girl that she could have done this to me, she came accross as sweet and innocent but this couldn't have been further from the truth, some of the things that she said to me were really hurtful.
I think i should forget about the idea of her ever calling or that the prank call were her, i think that it was just my false hope, even though i love her still i could really ever talk to her again anyway after what she has subjected me too.
I'm gonna try and tell myself i'm worth more than that.
Thankyou for taking the time to reply
I hope you are ok, sorry you've had the same sort of crap.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (25 May 2007):
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you have been treated this way. I happen to have been in the exact same position and I know how hard it is to listen to your head and not your heart.
I closed my eyes, visualised a box. I put everything into this box. - memories, images and everything about him and locked this box shut and threw away the key. NEVER to be re-opened. Try it. It helps.
Realise your self worth. She has used you and this is how she WANTS you to act. Coming from a girl - I know that every girl has the dream of having guys fighting over her.
She's hurt you and betrayed you. You're worth more than that.
Look in the mirror everyday and say " She is NOT gonna affect me today, I will hold my head high and if I see her, she means nothing to me."
Try to define love. Are you sure that this isn't just the feeling hurt? Tell yourself - when your heart races and you feel sick when you see her "This feeling is only natural. I WILL pull through this and show her and this assh*le of a guy that I don't give a sh*t."
Be aware that this WILL take time. But I swear, you'll find someone who deserves you and you will. This girl is a waste of your efforts and feelings.
Don't believe in dreams about these prank phone calls - there are a million ppl out there who could have picked up your number or just dialled it in randomly.
Don't dwell on dreams of her coming back or you gettin back together. If you start thinkin that way, tell yourself to move on.
When you feel down, say "I'm worth a hell of a lot more than that."
Try to stay confident within your self, remember - you have standards. You seem like a genuine, caring guy. Find someone who deserves you.
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