A
male
age
36-40,
*ost thoughts
writes:So my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of being together. We moved in together after three months of being together so we have a close bond. My ex states that she doesnt think she loves me enough and that she isn't happy within herself so she can't love anyone. She says she doesn't want a relationship with anyone. My ex has now moved to her own flat (which I helped pay for because she lost all her bank cards the day before she was going to move in). The first night she was away she invited me over and then the second night she texted me and called me.The thing is my ex continues to call me and visit me, and act like my girlfriend (holding hands, cuddling, sex) but when I ask her if she wants to give a relationship another go she tells me to give it time. Recently she has been texting a few other guys who are interested in her and she has met up with one of them three times. She says she isnt interested in this guy ad that she is only meeting with him so she can go out to new places. She says he is attractive but not her type. This makes me jealous and when I say I feel uncomfortable about it she has a go at me telling me that I am ruining any chance of me and her getting back together. My ex also wants me to visit her family together next week and togo for a meal with her and her friends. So after my ex moved out I asked her to give her set of keys (to my flat) back and she flipped, defriending me from facebook and saying she never wants to see me again. Then she texts me saying she loves me so much and she is being an idiot.What is going on here? Do you think there is any chance of us getting back together? I know I probably sound stupid but I love her..
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (20 February 2014):
It's time to tell her that you no longer want to be strung along and you don't want to see her anymore. She may care for you, but she's only with you physically until someone else comes along, which seems to be happening. She's using you because she's codependent and if you don't end it now you'll just make it harder.
Sometimes you just gotta rip off the band aid!
You can learn this lesson the hard way or you can listen to me. I've been there.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 February 2014):
 She's holding on to you until she finds something better. You're her safety net.
Want to get her back? Push her away and do things like you just did .. ask for your keys back, etc. this way, she is forced to make a decision rather than get her cake and eat it, too. As long as she knows she can have you and date other men, where is the incentive to be with just you?
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 "What is going on here?"
Simple ! She is bloody CRAZY and if I were you, I would not lose my time with this schizophrenic chick who wants everything and the opposite of it. Don't be a cuckold, mate, don't be a carpet. Are you born to be a nutcase's toy boy, or did you come to the world as to be happy and proud ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): firstly, i just wanna say, YOU ARE NOT STUPID! being in love with someone doesn't make you stupid. i think she was just being friendly to that other guy, and when you asked her for the keys, she got angry 'cos she probably thought you meant it in a rude way, which i hope you didn't. then, she texted, 'cos she was sorry. i think you two may get back together, depending on how it goes. oh. she might be muddled up in her thoughts. maybe she wants to be with you but then doesn't want to. she's an "eeni-meeni-mini-mo lover." in my opinion. hope you two work it out x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
 so you love this woman that is emotionally abusing you by stringing you along while she goes out and does things with other guys?
you love a woman that is using you to go visit her family and pretend you are a happy little family?
you love this woman that when you RIGHTFULLY asks for your keys back she flips out and unfriends you then texts you to make nice?
she's not very stable...
what's going on is she "lost" her credit cards... so you have to pay...
she refuses to let you go so you sit around and wait for her while she plays with the other boys....
yeah there's a chance you can get back together, when she gets tossed on her ear by her next boyfriend and she has no one to scratch her itch.. you then become her FWB until a new fellow comes along and she dumps you yet again...
until that guy gets wise to her manipulations and he dumps her... IF you permit it you will always be her go to guy for when she has no one else....
are you willing to be her sloppy seconds?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): Go bang your head against the wall a few times.
She lost her credit cards before she moved into her new flat? You helped her out financially?
Seriously?!!!!!!
She is taking advantage of you. You're paying her bills and helping her out until she gets someone else to replace you.
She's finished with you. She uses you as a fill-in, in-between finding other suitors. Are you daft?
I know letting go is hard. She is taking advantage of the fact that it is. You're getting jealous? That's because when you breakup; you're supposed to move on. Discontinue contact, and begin detaching from your ex. You go through the emotions, so your healing process from the breakup begins.
You're trying to buy your relationship back.
Cut off all the funds and watch what happens. Suddenly no more cuddling and hand-holding.
Are you so desperate that you would "pay" for affection?
Take whatever dignity you have left, man-up, grow some stones, and move on.
Let yourself experience all the pain and grief of the loss.
It has to begin, so the healing process starts; and you will get over her. Only then will you no longer feel jealousy. She is manipulating you through your feelings for her. That is quite cruel and disrespectful.
You are quite foolish for allowing it to happen. You know precisely what is going on. You're trying to manipulate her. Being there at her beck and call. Still trying to pretend you're her boyfriend. Now you're just her sugar-daddy.
I think you're getting the shorter end of the stick, my friend.
Don't be anyone's sucker. I know you're smarter than that.
I don't like using the word stupid. That isn't the case.
You're desperately fighting the truth and avoiding pain.
That isn't stupid. It's human. It's being in love with someone who no longer loves you, and it's hard to accept.
No, she will not take you back. She will take your money if you give it to her; and she will continue to see other men.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 February 2014):
 If she refuses to give back your keys, change the locks. It might cost a few Pounds, but that way you know she can't jsut show up as she pleases. She moved out. She ENDED it.
Stop talking to her, stop texting, stop seeing her, having sex and CATERING to her.
She says it's OVER so let it BE over. Even if you DO want her back, playing her game will not make her want to come back. Why should she? She can still see you, have sex, cuddle and hang out with you AND date/see other guys. Why would she change that? Get my drift?
She is taking FULL ON advantage of you. She wants you to go to dinner with her family and friends? Why?
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