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Boyfriend is seeing his ex behind my back....

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 March 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 March 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *rokenJeanette writes:

My boyfriend is seeing his ex-girlfriend behind my back. He says nothing sexual is happened. At the beginning of are relationship I went to jail for three months. While I was in jail, they got back together. ....or they never broke it off. He didn't tell me until I was released. And I was living with him before I went to jail.

She returned to school and we got back together.

Now she's back. I have made it very clear I am very uncomfortable about him seeing her. over and over he sees her behind my back. He says he does it because she has psychiatric issues and he needs to be there for her. So then I asked him to just tell me your go in got hang out with her. Because then I can feel at least your not doing it behind my back. If is all on the up and up then I should be told, right?

Then he saw her without informing me. It's like the 5th time since she's returned from school two months ago.

The last two times I had this overwhelming feeling he has seen her. So I ask.. the first time I asked he told me right away. Then last night same feeling. I asked him and he bullshited me. Then I asked him directly and he came out with it.

I feel like a lame. He knows how it makes me feel. If nothing has happened, it's only time that something does.

Please I need advice and fast. I am pregnant with his child. He's a good man. I just don't understand. It breaks my heart everytime there together. He went back to her before. If I was not in the picture I think they would be together. I am going crazy. He makes me feel like such a creep for not trusting him. But how do I? When he doesn't do what he says he's going to do?

View related questions: ex girlfriend, got back together, his ex, in jail

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 March 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe is not a good man. It seems it is his ex he wants to be with. If he loved you he would not be lying to you. Are you sure he really wants to be with you and he is not just scared off leaving you because you are pregnant? Am sorry to be harsh but if my partner done that to me I would never be able to trust him. It is clear he still has feelings for his ex. So maybe it is time he choose either you or her, because he cannot have both.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2017):

He does not sound like a good man. He is still seeing his "ex" and living with you. Sounds like you may even be the other woman, and he never really broke up with her. They just left the relationship open when she was living out of town at school.

Make no mistake, they are together, even with you in the picture.

I am so sorry you ended up pregnant. You will now have to go to court and do all of that mess of fighting for custody & child support, and learn to co-parent with this guy. You will not be happy if you try to continue in this relationship, and it will set a horrible example for your child to be.

If you have a job, look into your benefits package to see if they cover any counseling sessions. Also, if not, you can look to see someone at your place of worship, or online for low-cost options. You will want to talk to a professional to build up your self confidence, so you can start to make a better life for yourself and your baby. You deserve better than to be cheated on constantly (yes, emotional cheating is wrong too, just as much as physical cheating).

Reach out to friends and family to help you through this tough time as well. Your heartbreak over this guy will be a thing of the past soon enough, even though it hurts like hell right now. You know the right thing to do, even if it is hard. Be brave & move on.

Best of luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2017):

This sounds like such a crummy situation. I wouldn't trust him either. Why do you say he's a good man? I know lots of good men and they don't do shit like that. Go find yourself and your future child a better life (better alone than with someone like him), you both deserve better.

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