A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i have an ex boyfriend, i guess you could call him that i love him alot! Anyway we started of as good friends and things went from there. However, he decided to go back to his wife who he was separated from, they have three kids together etc. Though while he said they were not together they were just trying to work things out, she said differently so im confused about this,as he would still talk to me and be with me physically even though we were not a "couple". Though he did not consider this cheating Anyway when he first went back to her it was after he attented court he was in alot of trouble and could have went to jail but she saved him and had the avo removed so he could see his kids, saying what an amazing man father, husband he was and she loved him alot. The whole time that he was stressing over going to jail i supported him etc, made myself sick over worrying about him. After the first court case he went straight back to her house and did not even let me know how he went at court , for all i know he could have went to jail. He stayed with her that night and the day after he dumped me over the phone, and stayed with her again the next night, i did not know that at the time he told me later, though we live pretty much next door to one another (alkies). Any how after he dumped me over the phone i tried to take my own life, i was pregnant at the time, but miscarried, he did not know, but i told him later, as he had been dodging my calls, so i never had the chance to tell him, because it was always about him. When i was in the hospital he did not try and contact me nothing, even when i told him i was pregnant. ( i may have said something nasty like i did not want a child tainted by him etc). Later on in the week he met up with me, and said he did not know if he had made the right choice choosing to try and make things work out with his wife, she came over too and they had a confrontation of which he told her he loved us both etc. she did know we were meeting up, but it was only suppose to be for thirty minutes he was not allowed to offer me a drink, and i was to take a preganancy test that they had both brought for me . She later said that she hoped i was pregnant and that if we did have kids that they were deformed/ disabled. ( my niece died of a rare genetic disorder, and my aunt has downs, so this for me crossed the line)Later that night he said eh wanted to be with me, and stupid me i believed it. However, a few days later he gave me thirty whole minutes of his time and said he changed his mind again, ( I know how stupid i sound. After this he made like a huge deal of me still talking to him and being friends etc, and there was this day when i was really down as i suffer from depression and said that if he could just check in with me every now and then because i was scared etc, well he pretty much did the opposite he just simply stopped talking to me at all for like two weeks. his reason being he was really confused and could nopt take the pressure anymore form both me and his wife. Though it was just me he stopped talking too.Anyway he and his wife i would say have an absive relationship, not physically hitting one another, though probably sometimes, but intimitaion, death threats etc, dangerous driving and behaviour around the kids etc. Anyway just recently he got arrested for breaking his AVO which was not to intimiate cause fear against her, they both were bumbing tinto each otehr cars, she nearly flipped the car almost killing herself and the kids etc. So now he once again his facing charges.And here i am stupid me still being his friend and supporting him, and all the while it still the same he only contact me when he wants to, wont return my texts, etc, i make an effort to call his family to make sure he was alright when he first got arrested and had to spent a night in jail, plus he was hurt after the , though i dont condone his behaviour, i would probably do anything for him. And im afraid that after all this when she comes to his rescue again he will just do what he did before and forgot all about me, i scared that im leaving myself open to be hurt, as when his life suxs and they are fighting he talks to me when its all better, i dont matter. im always there for him, but he is never there for me. And im scared that once again once this is all said and done he will do excatly the same thing and i will be left heartbroken. After all i have done is care about him and support him, and love him. what is wrong with me, and what is his game?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 November 2011):
 Sorry, but I agree, you are wasting your life and time on this guy. He is NOT going to leave his wife for you.
You are convinient when he has "needs" but other then that, he can't be bothered.
Why are you letting this guy walk all over you? How can it be "love"?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 November 2011):
 You are wasting your life on this loser. You already know you aren't going to end up with this "prize". Cut bait and find a new stream...one with single fish in it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 There is nothing wrong with you. But you need to wake up now and see that you are being used here. He uses you whenever his wife does not want him, he fills your head with lies about how he loves you so that he can have his leg over with you. He does not love you, he never has and he never will honey. He does not respect you, and he probably just uses you to make his wife jealous and so that he has company when he is not with her. He does not care about you as a person. You need to open your eyes to this. The way that he has treated you is just terrible, and you keep going back again and getting hurt, the same is only going to happen again if you stay there. To him you are coming across as desperate and needy and this shows him that he can have you any time that he pleases. Show him that you are stronger than that. Show him that you are not a push over any more. Delete his contact details and tell him to leave you alone and never contact you again. You can do so much better than being someone's bit on the side. Never sell yourself short, there are plenty of men out there who would treat you right. So cut contact from him, get him out of your life once and for all and move on. Good luck.
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