A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to start but I've been in a relationship with my man for 5 years and he was never very colourful or expressive when we have phone sex. We recently got into a long distant relationship for 3 months since I'm studying. So these past few weeks, I told him he needs to start jerking off - because he doesn't - purely because he feels ashamed of himself for doing it and I totally understand because he's a very insecure man that doesn't want to explore his body and sexuality. I asked him to start masturbating because I saw an article about having sex longer and our sex usually ends in less than 15 minutes. It's to the point that I was tired to spice things up because he wasnt giving it to me and I was giving everything for him. So my problem is.. well. I'm absolutely disgusted by this because it's as if I'm talking to a stranger. As if I wasn't with him for 5 goddamn years. Our recent phone sex ended up with him telling me he wants to [voyeur / incest / exhibitionist fantasy]. He wants them to get an idea. He told me he wanted [voyeur / incest / exhibitionist fantasy]. And I honestly stopped rubbing myself but I let him go on because I wanted to know what was in his mind and I regretted it so much. How can someone who wasn't expressive in dirty talks and stories turned out like this?He started telling me we were going inside my brother's room and they would join us. And he wanted me to [voyeur / incest / exhibitionist fantasy]Someone.. please.. make me understand what was going on in his head? After that, I completely stopped and puked. Instantly pukes my stomach was empty. I felt empty. I felt so many things from anger to sadness to disgust to confusion. H E L PM E P L E A S E
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fiance, incest, insecure, phone sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 Tell him it didn't work for you and leave it at that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): What I think is that he has been watching some porn, because a lot of it has really disgusting and weird plots like that story he told you! Yep, his mind is in the gutter like many other men's minds. In fairness, you wanted to spice things up and oh boy he sure took that advice to heart. I might wait and see if he uses that story again as a fantasy (just for my own detective work) before I confront him. If he DOES use it again, this would tell me that he is way too focused on the whole thing. At which point I would promptly have a discussion about how it makes you really uncomfortable, and ask him to explain where the fantasy started and just ask him more questions. Then depending on my feelings I might dump him if it seems too much of a fetish. But keep in mind that it might have not much to do with his real life desires, but rather something so "forbidden" such as things depicted in pornos, he thinks that is what will work for phone sex. I would delve deeper and ask him if he would ever want to actually fulfill this fantasy, and if he says yes, you have a big problem.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 March 2017):
 Ok, just tell him that incest doesnt work for you. Simple.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Oh ok I guess I didn't put much effort into writing my question but HE wanted to have phone sex with me. He started the phone sex. I'm just happily joining in the fun until it lasted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Hi guys, I didn't "order" or "demand" him to masturbate. I actually gave him an advice because he was unhappy that I can make him cum but he can't make me peak.
We were trying to find a solution and it was because he doesn't masturbate frequently as I do and that's where WE concluded that he should start masturbating especially being far away.
We've been doing this quite some time over the 3 months now. It was just that day, that one day, he suddenly threw out that story.
I am NOT a dominant btw. I want what's best for my partner of 5 years therefore finding solutions for his insecurities.
I am a very loving person and when I love, I love hard. So please do not assume I'm being a pushover.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Are you sure he did not say all of this on purpose? So that it would turn you off asking him to ever do it again???Maybe he has always hated phone sex? Only did it to please you?And has had it?Made up the craziest s^^t he could think of to turn you right off of it for good?Ever think of that?Just ask him why he said what he said? Did he actually mean it or was he saying it on purpose to piss you off?You have been with him for 5 years so you can ask him anything you want.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (26 March 2017):
 Be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes! Sorry, but the further I read, the more bemused I became.
You have no right to demand your poor fella does anything to his body he is not comfortable with. If he doesn't feel comfortable masturbating, what right do you have to order him to do it? If this post was from a bloke, we would all be jumping on him, accusing him of abuse. It is no different just because it has come from a female.
The fantasy was just that: a fantasy. It doesn't mean he actually wants to do it in real life. It was just a story. We all fantasize about people we know but it doesn't mean we have any intention at all of making it real.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 March 2017):
PS. I don't think he's turned on by incest. I just think he didn't think far enough ahead. To him, your brother is just another dude, not a brother. It's not HIS brother, so it doesn't cross his mind in the same way.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 March 2017):
Hahaha! Sorry for laughing, I understand this is terrible for you... But come on. It's hilarious. The man who doesn't want to masturbate, yet he does so on your command, and the result is that you throw up in your mouth.
Maybe you need to let him be and not force him to jerk off to you on the phone, because obviously it's not working for either of you. I mean come on... You forced his hand on this one. If he doesn't masturbate ordinarily, I don't have any problem understanding that THIS is the only thing he could think of saying. He gave it a decent try, and failed miserably, but he's not used to doing this! He doesn't enjoy it! He was just taking a wild guess at something and tried to make it sexy, it would surprise me more if he magically turned out to be the God of phone sex....!
Sweetie, just pass this off as a lesson learned: don't make your man do sexual acts he doesn't want to. And then simply never speak of this again. In 20 years you will have a laugh at it.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2017):
 Whoa! This is one twisted character! But you see, that's the thing about fantasies and you never know what's in the darkest corners of a person's mind. Do you remember the episode from Sex and the City where the very "respectable" politician told Carrie that he wanted to pee on her?
Your boyfriend's fantasies are more questionable though. He's turned on by incest and the reason he wasn't opening up to you was because he was scared of your reaction and he wasn't sure how to express himself. He's had these thoughts about your brother and his fiance for a while, that's for sure. Something like this doesn't just come up out of the blue. When you made him feel comfortable and assured him that he could be absolutely honest and open with you, he revealed his desires.
I honestly don't know where you can go from here. If I put myself in your shoes and I even try to think of my husband saying all this, my mind goes blank. I don't know how I would have reacted. I personally don't think I could digest all this information and then move on as of nothing's happened and carry on my life with the man who's said all this but then again, you have to ask yourself if this is a big enough deal breaker for you to possibly end the relationship.
Can you live with him knowing that these are his deepest sexual desires?
These are just fantasies and in no way does it mean that he wants to act on them but this is just what's on his mind. Threesomes are very high up on the fantasy list... The bothersome part is the incest bit.
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