A
female
age
30-35,
*01anonymous101
writes:Hi. I am in a LDR with someone I've only known for a month. Never met and ended up talking over the internet on my web page. I have been trying to avoid relationships at any cost because I was engaged back in October but I broke it off with my ex-fiancee of 5years. There was something very different about this guy and also something very scary as well. He pushed getting into a relationship with him after a week of talking, after I specifically said "Let's Just Get To Know Each Other Right Now" he kept pushing after another week. So I finally gave in and said yes. Another week he starts talking about marriage, babies, and moving in together and also tries to tell me he's in love with me. I tell him your moving way too fast for me and I don't appreciate being manipulated into something I do not want. He says ok sorry I won't say anything else. During this time he starts questioning me and being very insecure and clingy as well which is a HUGE red flag. Then he brings up moving in together again so without realizing and letting emotions take over I say ok. Couple days I come to realization and say no and stop doing this to me, its way too early to talk about moving in together I don't even know you. Now, I never wanted to get into a relationship and even told this guy from day one I don't want a relationship (especially a LDR) and I told him I can't and don't trust him whatsoever. During this time my ex-fiancee has been helping me out get to where I need to get to and help me take care of business and pay bills. I don't tell him about it cause its not a big deal and I'm not sleeping with him, until the other day. My parents and friends say that I shouldn't get involved with this guy because he sounds like bad news and from the way he's controlling and clingy and wants to everything. Where I'm at, who I'm with and why and when I'm going to call. I have told him many times to please stop but he keeps on, and he even switched up his approach and tried doing it a nicer slicker way if you will. I have a life and sometimes I'm busy with school, helping my parents and brothers. It never was my intentions to sleep with my ex but things happen. Everyone is telling me that its not cheating because he's not here and lives in another state and I don't know what he's doing, I've never met him and only known him for a month. On top of that he's promising me the moon and stars which sounds really too good to be true because I have heard it all before and my best friend says that he could very well be just like my abusive ex, wanting to rush everything and use me and tell me all these beautiful things and it turns out their all a lie. He cusses at me just like my abusive ex, disrespectful and very arrogant and an a**hole to me sometimes. Its gotten so bad to the point I cried over the phone because he sounded just like my abusive ex and he apologized up and down it will never happen again all these things he says he'll stop but he hasn't stopped any of it. I've only known him for a short while and nothing is serious but him saying that he's in love with me and I say I can't say that to you because I don't know you and you don't know me to say that. So ladies and gentlemen will you please give me some insight on this or what I should do? Should I run away as fast as I can? Please help thanx!
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (27 January 2011):
 hi
no absolutely don't get involved any further with this man, he sounds like a tool. he is either wanting to get married to you coz he is looking for sex/money/somewhere to live or because he is some kind of idiot who thinks marriage and babies is an acceptable thing to ask a woman for even though you have never met. when you say LDR, how long distance do you mean? is he from outside the european union?
you may have heard this said before "if it sounds too good to be true - it probably is". also when the sweet talking doesn't work, he gets abusive?? not good.
so yes, definitely run!
xx
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 January 2011):
 I agree. Run, run like Forrest Gump!
You see all these flags and for whatever reason you are questioning yourself and doubting that you can make the right decision.
You already know that he is all wrong for you.
He doesn't respect you at all. I don't think it's love that he is feeling either.
The sooner you dump him the better. He sounds like bad news.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): He certainly sounds strange. So much intensity after a month and he's never met you! In anyone's book that's odd. You are probably a bit vunerable because of the situation with your ex. Quite frankly I would have nothing to do with this internet guy. Stop contacting him, block him if necessary. Your parents and friend are right. Stop now. If he is this manipulative now - what will he be like going forward. He is bad news.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Yikes, no make that double YIKES
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): OP do you think you'd have anything to do with this guy if you weren't a bit messed up over your break up with your ex?
If you weren't on the rebound would you really have let it get to this stage with this guy?
You wouldn't would you?
OP you have to understand that the loneliness and fear of being that is natural after such a big break up with a long term guy is the only reason you're still even talking to this guy. You know all of this is wrong but your emotions don't want to play ball.
You have to end this with him now!!! He's bunny boiler material, he's turning up at your house at night with a knife material.
OP you need to get rid of your abusive ex too it is not good to still be in contact with this guy while your emotions are all over the place. OP get rid of them both so you can clear your head, at the moment you're all over the place. I mean come on OP you're dealing with a complete psycho here and giving in to everything he says, this is not you, you would never consider something like that normally would you? If a friend of yours was in this situation you know what you'd advise them to do. So do it, run for the hills and get rid of your ex too for a while. You need time away from guys at the moment, it takes months to get over a 5 year relationship, you can't do that if you're still sleeping with him and talking to him.
OP take a few months with no romantic contact, take some time being a single independent woman, that way you can regain your composure, sort out your head and gain some clarity on your life. Only then will you be ready to approach a new relationship with a healthy state of mind because right now you're involved in two very unhealthy relationships and both are going downhill and going to get very messy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Well hes only 'known' you for a few weeks, so common sense should be telling you that hes not behaving normally. The fact that your ex was abusive might be why you are even entertaining this guy and his strange ideas and ways. Youve been conditioned to accept abnormal as normal. Take a break from internet relationships and your ex and concentrate on yourself and what you want from life.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 January 2011):
Yes, run. What K_c said.
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (27 January 2011):
Definetly leave him. Even if you weren't not over your ex fiance the way your current man is acting is way too much for you to ignore.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Quite simply - yes, run away as fast as you can and never look back! This guy has some serious issues and you have a proper weirdo on your hands here, time to end it now before it gets any worse!
Clearly there are still some residual feelings for your ex (after all you did sleep with him) and you have only been single for 3 months which is nowhere near long enough following an intense 5 year relationship. You need to fully get over your ex and make sure he is 100% out of your life before you bring any new men into your life.
And even when you are ready to date again, try starting out with a few real face to face dates with men that live close by, and not crazy men you meet over the internet who live too far away to ever meet up with! He sounds like an absolute nightmare, get out of this while you still can!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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