A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married almost ten years. I have children with my spouse and have been very happy. Last week an old flame from high school contacted me. We had a very short relationship (puppy dog type love...petting, making out) my freshman year and we've always been friendly but haven't seen each other in 20 years. We had spoken via email before but he called last week because he was coming through town on business and wanted to meet up for lunch. So, we met for lunch. We got along famously, we chatted about friends, family, and high school. When I got home and there was an email that basically told me that he felt a real chemistry and that he would date me in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself. He acknolwedged that I was married but also insinuated that it didn't bother him. He is single. Here is my dilema - I felt the chemistry to. My 10 year marriage hasn't evoked feelings like these in years. I like the attention because it makes me feel good. We never really had a falling out in high school so I don't have any bad memories of him. My husband travels a lot so I am on my own quite a bit and I do get lonely. I feel like I've identified why I am feeling like this towards him but I need to figure out how to work through these feelings and get past it because I don't want to screw up my marriage. What is the best way to work through this?
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female
reader, sbarr10 +, writes (20 May 2009):
It sounds like your old flame is a selfish inconsiderate jerk.
If he really cared for you he wouldn't be disrupting your life now telling you about the "chemistry" he feels for you and how it "doesn't bother him" that you're married. Instead he should be happy that you're "very happy."
He doesn't respect the marital promises you made. What makes you think he'll honor any promises he makes to you? I seriously doubt that a relationship will survive where one partner encourages the other partner to lie and deceive.
It would be an entirely different matter if you were divorced, and he were divorced or single, and you two were truly available and found each other again. But that's not the case.
If you've been feeling neglected by your husband, then make time with your husband all the more special. Call him up while he's on the road and tell him how much you miss him and can't wait until he's back home. When he's home, tell your husband that attention from him makes you feel great.
Work on your relationship with your husband before you risk destroying the stable happy relationship you have with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Today i got in a fight with my boyfriend of 2 years and i realized that the main reason was because were starting to lose some feelings.
Initially i really wanted to end it but our love for eachother still exist: which is the most important thing above all! I felt i had to take action so i googled exciting ways to spark feelings in a relationship, and i came across your question.
I can't say i will give you the right answer because no one can look in the future but i will say that cheating will have its' consequences. I witnessed my mother and my boyriends mother both attempt to commit suicide...they were victims of cheating. I can't tell you how it feels to almost lose someone you care so much about because they were hurt by love. I know you have a conscience, you are writing because you know it's wrong and you're confused.
Cherriepie is right when she said everyone needs sexual attention but what happens if you start the affair and you decide that it's not the right path for you and you want to end it but he threatens to ruin your marriage? Then you're not the only one hurting but your whole family is.
Do the right thing, take care and good luck with your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): remember when we first met our partners, all the flirting and fun in a relationship. You feel all giddy and look forward to seeing them. then you get married and have kids and life chugs along. Then one day something happens that ignites those sparks again. (Remember the grass is not greener on the other side). I would suggest that if you still love your husband that what is missing is a kick start of how life used to be. Bring back flirty texts (it works for me and hubby), sexy lingerie and private time when you can. It makes a world of difference belive me. You owe it to yourself and hubby to make a go of this first. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Hi,
I would urge caution. First you need to decide if your relationship with your husband is salvagable. Do you still love him but you are frustrated because he is never home? Or have things just fizzled and you are together only for the kids. If it's the later then I don't see too much problem with cherriepie's advice above.
But if there is still hope, then you owe it to your marriage to work on that not on an old flame who lets face it is just as likely to disappear as he is to stick around - he is single after all , moreover, what's to stop him meeting someone else, dumping you for a single girl with no kids tying her down.
So if you still find you and your husband can turn each other on ,tell him you want to spark up things again. While he's away you can have phone sex, or get a webcam and put a show on for him - put on sexy underwear and show him the many uses for toys - If he's sitting in a lonely hotel room he will be gagging for it by the time he returns home.
Good luck and dont rush into anyting.
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I think you are in the middle of a perfect mix of things that sum up to potential affair here. It looks like you have time on your hands with your husband away, you don't want to damage your relationship but you want to have fun and need sexual attention, like you deserve to.
As long as your boyfriend is understanding that you are not interested in leaving your husband this can work, but use a lot of caution. As long as you keep your focus and keep your boyfreind in his place you can work this out.
How do you work out your feeling? Its friendship and sex. That's what you tell yourself! That's what your looking for and if your boyfriend provides it, just keep in mind not to take it further and complicate your life. You are in control of your life and you decide how far you go with this, not him. Take control, and be positive and always in charge.
Always keep in mind that sex is a woman's choice. You can choose to get in with your boyfriend and have a lot of fun..and you can also decide when you choose to end it if it ever gets uncomfortable.
Please, always use protection, and don't do it with guilt(if you fuck and feel guilty about it, dont do it again, listen to your feelings)....have fun with your guy. I think life is too short to waste and you grab the fun you can get along the way as long as you do it right and harm no one. You sound like you are intelligent enough to pursue this the right way.
Have fun and do it right!
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