A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for two years. He was unhappy in the town we lived in (where we met) so I agreed to move with him back to the town he lived in previously, where he has lots of friends and was happier. I am freelance and work from home so could practically afford make the move. I was a little concerned about moving initially and suggested that we move to a larger city near by, where I thought it would be easier for me to build a social life. However, my partner wasn't keen on that so I agreed to move to the small town he lived in before.Anyway, now we're here and I'm really, really lonely. I have no friends. I've tried forging friendships with his female friends, and am not doing too well - they've not really been getting back to me. It just seems like everyone is so busy and already has their own lives. Whenever we chat to someone he knows on the street I'm like "you should come over!" and they respond with something about how busy they are. Because I work from home I can go days without seeing anyone, especially as my partner has to work away a lot. On top of that, I'm starting to feel rejected and lose my confidence because I'm so desperate to make friends and no-one seems bothered to reciprocate - I'm getting paranoid that there's some unknown reason why his friends don't like me, and it's really getting me down. I've started to worry that I'm boring, or that I unintentionally did something to insult someone and news of it has travelled round the social group. I want to keep making an effort to make friends but once I've texted people twice to ask if they want to do something and not received a reply it seems rude (and stalkery) on my part to keep pushing about it.How can I best keep on top of this situation? What should I do?
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Hi
You have to read Brand New Friend by Mike Gayle, I got it out from the library recently,you can buy it online.Its actually about a man in your exact situation and the author used to be an agony uncle.
I don't think your boyfriend is helping you in any way to settle in, his friends aren't helping either.
I think you should try to develop friends of your own.Maybe work a couple of evenings somewhere social,join something or volunteer.Give yourself X amount of time to settle and if it is still making you miserable - move back.
You have made a huge sacrifice for him so sit him down and explain how isolated you feel and tell him you have set a time limit on making it work.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 You compromised and made the move. Your boyfriend has to include you in his group. If his friends are not too busy to socialize with him, they shouldn't be too busy to get to know you too. Surely your boyfriend does not want you to feel lonely like he did. Your boyfriend has his reasons of moving back to his hometown but he's not thinking too much of your happiness. He should introduce you to his friends and make sure you are adjusting well to the new circle. You did nothing wrong. People are not open to making new friends once they are older. They only stick with childhood friends they know best. It's tribal mentality to be wary of outsiders, especially in small towns.
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A
female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (9 February 2013):
Your partner sounds like he is not considering your needs at all. Firstly you move because it's what he wants. Secondly, after you made that sacrifice, he wasn't prepared to compromise as to where to go. Now he is leaving you alone to work away. If he works away a lot it his insistence on moving is even more selfish.
First decide if you always want to come second in his life because this is what you are doing now. Then if you choose to stay with a man who puts himself first then forget about thinking you have to make fiends withhis freinds and try really hard to join a group or get out and about and keep doing so until you make your OWN friends. But really don't you think you could find someone more deserving of you?
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