A
male
age
41-50,
*han17
writes:My wonderful wife is ready for a divorce after many year of neglect. I have cheated multiple time and it has nearly killed her emotionally, I cant imagine why she has stuck with me this long but, its coming to an end. She is ready for a divorce. Finally I have come to my senses and realize she was the angel that I need all along. Now its too late. She has rightly fallen out if love with me. I want to be a better man, I want nothing but a chance to make her happy. Is it possible to win her trust and love back? If so how? Please help...
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2012): Youve only come to your senses because your wife has finally came to hers and now wants better than yourcrumbs of affection here and there. You were never willing or able to give her better because you thought you were the be all and end all. News flash, you werent and now she can go and find some guy who will feel blessed to have found a gem. He wont be like you who thought he was the centre of the universe. If you had loved your wife then you wouldnt of cheated once let alone a few times.
Man up to your actions, take the fall out and set this woman free.
Just hope you learn from this and treat your next partner with love and respect.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): No it isn't possible. What's done is done. I'm glad you now are wanting to be a better man. So give her the divorce she wants and needs. Out of compassion for her. That's how you can prove that you're a better man now than you used to be which is to put yourself in her shoes and not try to push for what you want.
This is better for you too. If she stayed with you she will never be able to trust you and you will feel it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): you need to grow up and learn to deal with the consequences of your actions, not be trying to avoid them. How much you want your wife now is a moot point, it no longer matters. By trying to win her back after you emotionally killed her, you're showing complete disregard for her well-being and trying to avoid the consequences of your actions.
being remorseful does matter to your personal growth, and you are a better person now if you feel true remorse for what you did. but that does not mean you should get what you want either. This is not about you anymore.
the best thing you can do for her to show her you've changed into a better person and care about her is to be cooperative and dignified during the divorce proceedings and don't you dare try to get involved in her new life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): My husband cheated on me many of times, I've never thought a man could be so cruel to a woman, many of times the kids and I was walking to the park and my husband would pass right by us with his girlfriend in the car, I went thru pure hell, we broke up like two to three time and would get back together, he would always end up doing the same thing, one day I made up my mind to leave for good and now I live a happy and normal life... got a good job, home and both cars are paid off. After all these years I still remember how he emotionally killed me so I could never love him as a husband again... as a person.. yes...I do not hold a grudge, just had to move on.
The damage is done now so you should have thought about all of this before destroying your marriage. I don't think putting another log on the fire is going to keep the flame burning... the thrill is gone...BABY..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): No, there's nothing you can do.
If you truly love her, you will let her divorce you and let her find and be with a new man.
If you truly love her, and if you want to show your newfound integrity, you will want what is best for her, and that involves staying out of her life from now on.
If you're trying to keep her and trying to convince her to stay, that shows that you haven't actually changed and you're still just being selfish and looking out for your own interests.
be a man, and for once do the right thing and let her go.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Do u love your wife? Really love her with all your heart and all of your soul?
Then do the only decent thing and Release her: allow her to be free of the lies, half truths, emotional torture and so forth. Allow her to gain her self respect bak: for her to now discover that they are good decent men still in existence.
If u really do love her then release her. Love her enough to set her free. Do not use her anymore. Enough is now Enough! I'm glad u decided to turn over a new leaf but unfortunately u seem to be a serial cheater.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 April 2012):
 I doubt you can fix this. It's not like it was a one shot deal.
she has put up with your emotional abuse (lying, cheating and neglect are forms of abuse) for years.
Now she loves herself enough to not take it any more.
Wish her well. Do your best to make this parting as easy and simple on her as you can.
Learn from your mistakes.
Honestly, if you both went to therapy it might help ease the transition if it won't save the marriage...
but how do you expect her to love you and honor you and trust you when you've never done anything to earn those things?
trust is fragile. I doubt she will ever trust you... and sadly that's no way to live.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 April 2012):
 I doubt you can win her love or trust back, honestly.
When you (that is a general you, certainly not YOU) have been cheated on, trust goes out the window. When you still stay (because you love your spouse and believe in "for better or worse") you try your best to rebuild the idea of the marriage, the trust and the faith in your partner. But when the partner cheats again and again, well then trust is lost, faith in your partner lost, happiness lost, and guilt sets in. You start to believe that you weren't good enough of a wife, as a woman and you lose your self confidence and your self respect, so you stay in the marriage because you believe you don't deserve better. At some point the wife/husband realize that it ISN'T all HER/HIS fault that the cheater can keep it in his/her pants, that HE/SHE isn't taking ANY responsibility for HIS/HER own actions. You lose the last bit of love you may have held on to and start thinking about your own happiness.
Like Auntie iAmHereToHelpYou said, ASK her what you can do. Maybe there isn't a damned thing you can do and then you know, YOU will have to live with that knowledge, that YOU single handedly broke the love/trust/happiness of the marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 You know the woman, after all you knew how to lie to her and cheat on her and cause her emotional grief, and on top of all that you say it is right she has fallen out of love with you.
Does that mean if she falls back in love with you it will be wrongly?
Can you give her any reason to trust and love you?
Doesn't sound like it so far.
...............................
A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Even if it was possible to win her back, I hope you don't find it. Sorry to say, but I believe there are way too many men out there that can treat her better than you ever did. You don't deserve a good women when all you ever thought about was yourself. You cheated physically and emotionally and only now realized that you had a great partner when SHE came to her senses and decided to better off herself.
Let her go. Even if you did somehow convinced her to stay with you, she will NEVER trust you completely. After all, you did cheat on her multiple times. You've proven to her that you are a very untrustworthy man. If you truly love her, let her have a fresh start with a guy that she can truly trust entirely. That pure trust that you two may have had in the beginning is dead and buried.
The only reason I think you've realized that your wife is so wonderful is because it's going to cost you dearly when she leaves you. You won't have a woman to idly stand by and take your emotional abuse anymore. You finally see that she has a backbone and self-respect. You took her for granted because you thought she was your personal doormat, wiping your dirty tracks all over her when you were finished with your unfaithfulness. She's better off without you. Her heart needs to be separated from you. It's the only way she will ever get a fresh start.
...............................
|
