A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My sister is younger than me and just started college. Just before she left for college she got a boyfriend. I've never met him but he's met my parents and they say he is very nice. Now she is at college they are about hundreds miles apart and despite the distance they are really making the effort to see each other. At first I thought this was sweet but I'm starting to get a little concerned as she is either travelling to see him or visa versa every weekend. I'm worried she isn't making any friends on campus and that she isn't making the most of the college experience. I tried to express my concerns to her but she got very angry and accused me of being jealous (I'm currently in a LDR and generally go months without seeing my boyfriend). I don't know what to do as myself and my parents are concerns but can't seem to get close to addressing the issue without being blocked out.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2016):
 I can understand that you are all worried she is not interacting with other people and making friends. But she is doing what makes her happy and you should just support her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): If I had a sister who was trying to tell me how she thought I should be living my life, I wouldn't let her get many words out either! What on earth does how she decides to spend her time, have anything to do with you? She's an adult and you're not her mother!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): I get where you're coming from. This means she has literally zero activity outside of class. College is a great time to explore hobbies and learn about other people - it needn't be sleeping around and living a wild life. But college is the time to have fun, learn and make friends. You have to be very tactful or she'll have her guard up and won't listen. Tell her to split time - Skype with bf on weekends and other days a new activity like joining a club etc. Although college courses and homework itself can take up a lot of time so how is she Skypeing with him daily? Hopefully her grades won't drop.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I'm sorry but I dont see why you feel the need to get involved in her relationship? If she doesn't want to go out every night like the majority of the uni population in the U.K then what's wrong with that?
If she's getting on well with her studies then where's the issue? If she was neglecting her education for her BF then I could see your point, but right now all she wants to do is concentrate on her studies and making her relationship work which in my opinion is a good attitude.
I'm sure she will have made friends in her classes but if she doesn't want to hang out with them outside uni then that's her choice.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I am curious to know what you'd want her to do " on campus ". Join a sorority ? Pull pranks involving toilet paper rolls ? Party every night, and wake up with a massive hangover every day ? Get stoned ?, collect hookups like there's no tomorrow ?...
That's ok for some students, they enjoy it, they like to sow their wild oats before , hopefully, joining the ranks of the productive population.
Other students have different ideas about how to use their free time, and do not particularly care about being social buttrefly or popular on campus etc. They study, they go home, and they do their thing.
Your sister 's thing is investing time in her current relationship. Now , this may be a good idea, or it may turn out not so good,. they may stay together forever or they may break up pretty soon.... time will tell. But , as long as she is attending classes, completing her assignments and term papers, and getting decent grades, - I would totally butt out, and respect her preferences.
She is not " making the most of the college experience " according to what is the college experience in your eyes. But she may be a different person from you, with different ideas and different priorities. She may, for instance, not be particularly interested in making friends, who, 8 out of 10, will go out of her life and will forget her and be forgotten right after graduation.
Anyway- you do not say that this relationship is leading her to neglect her studies or making her grades drop- which is the important part. So,... if it ain't broke don't fix it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 November 2016):
 I'm in a long distance relationship and I can understand wanting to spend all your spare time talking to your SO.
It's honestly none of your business. You may be okay going longer without talking to your partner, but your sister hasn't found anyone else she likes talking to. If she's still getting all of her work done, she's not doing anything wrong.
Allow her to experience college the way *she* wants to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I didnt know this when I posted originally but speaking to my mom I have a couple more details. She isnt doing much on campus, she goes to class then comes home and sits in her room on skype for hours every night.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 November 2016):
Not everyone wants the "college experience". She doesn't. I think if she's old enough to Ben at college, you all need to let her experience it the way she wants to - not the way you think she should.
If he's a nice guy, it's not bad that she's seeing him weekly. She still has times on campus without him and she's just not interested in the college life you're trying to persuade her to experience.
I really think you should all leave her be.
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