A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my best friend and i started to become friends with benefits about 4 months ago. earlier this year i went through a hard time with my ex and he always helped me through it. for the past few months, my friend has begun to act like my boyfriend: always complimenting me,always acting like my boyfriend at parties etc. For example, at a recent party, he was always by my side, and he even kept his hand around my waist. at the end of the party, his friend asked me out on a date, but before he did, he said that he thought that my friend and i were a couple. i said "no", and his friend said that everyone thinks that we are together. a few weeks earlier, he found out that i was going to this dance with someone else, and he even said that he did not want me to go with him. now, he knows how i feel for him, because my roommate stupidly told him, but that is besides the point. after the party, i was a bit drunk (:P) and we went back to my house. here, he tried to have a serious conversation with me about our "future". He said that he never sees a relationship between us working out; i asked why and he said that he does not know. i told him that he does not know if he does not try. and he even agreed with me. but then he said that he just does not know. i then said "why dont you just give me a chance?" and to that, he said "i've been waiting for you to say that". afterwords, he left, and he said that he would seriously consider what i said. So a few days later, (which would be today), he called me and left a message on my phone, to which he said that he stuck by his decision to not be a couple. my question is, why won't he commit? everyone thinks that we are a couple as it is, and when i say that we are not, they think that we should. he even tries to make me jealous, by saying how he may like someone else. so why wont he commit?
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best friend, drunk, friend with benefits, jealous, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): You have been giving him sex for no commitment, now you want him to commit. Bit of a price increase isn't it?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 You can't show him a relationship if he isn't willing to have one with you. I doubt if he's trying to make you jealous, I think he's just looking to have a fun ski trip. Maybe he'll end up wishing it was you he was with but then again he knows you are back home waiting for him, doesn't he. FWB is all a bunch of horse hockey, someone is always being used one way or another.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great advice:) See, he is going on a ski trip in a couple of days with his friend, who is also bringing two other girls. now my friend says that he hopes to hook up with one of them. does this mean that a) he is trying to make me jealous? and/or b) if he does this, he will feel guilty?
also, how do i show him that he should give a relationship a chance?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 I think that the girls have given great answers. I just want to say that one does not exclude the other. He might already have what he wants, be afraid of not being good enough, and then be unwilling to commit because of that.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Besides what the other aunts have already suggested I am going to add that he also probably feels very leary of getting hurt. You state that you went to a dance a few weeks ago with another guy and that after spending the whole evening at a party with him appearing as his 'girlfriend' you told another guy you were available for dating. This had to hurt him a little bit and make him wary of giving you his heart. So he can have all the fun of being your boyfriend without risking his heart to you by not committing.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (23 December 2008):
 why would he commit if he can have you as a best friend and sleep with you...without the "label" and still be free to date/sleep with other girls.
Yes he likes you, but think about it. You are doing everything a couple is doing... so if he agreed to exclusivity..how does that help him in anyway? Basically ..why buy the cow..when you can get the milk for free?
That is the only reason I can come up with...and I think i'm pretty right on this one.
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A
female
reader, vanillafrost  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 He might be just insecure and afraid that he's not good enough to be your boyfriend, because many ppl asked you out? Afraid of losing you if the relationship doesn't work out? This is my opinion from what I've read.. Good luck!:)
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