A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now I am 52 and he is 62, i was married when i was 19 and left my husband 5 years ago, this is my first proper relationship since then, I was wary at the beginning about going into a relationship, but he was very kind and assured me that he loved me, the problem is that he has been legally seperated for 17 years and refuses to get divorced, i am finding this very difficult to deal with, i cant understand, its not as if I want to get married im just looking for some kind of committment, he has also lied to me in the past, his wife was short of money and he let her clean his house unknown to me, i had my suspisions and confronted him, he lied, but after 3 months he told me she had been, why lie? Does he still carry a torch for her, I know that he was the guilty party and thats why his marriage finished, i feel like i dont have any control over my life anymore, I really dont think i can go on with the relationship if he continues to refuse to get a divorce, he says being legally seperated is enough for him and should be for me, but its not!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): well your married man is really full of it isn't he. he is not going to change. if you want any semblence of an honest life then you need to move on wih your life. his wife will always be around. you know that he has cheated in the past, so there is no trust in your relationship. his lies and cover up should be your warning bells, ringing loud and clear. you just need to be honest with yourself and hear them.
17 years seperated and he has no intention of a divorce- contact with his wife and pays her to do his housework. if we laid bets i am sure he gave her some as well. (and i am not talking money here). strange relationship this man has. please do not be his fool any longer.
A
female
reader, busy04  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 You are too old for this crap, he is obviously still with his wife. Leave!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I'm sorry but I think you are making excuses for him trying to justify or reason his bad behaviour. Ultimately and this may be hard to take he is not what you want - he is not what anyone would want actually. He lies, he is shady, he is still technically married, his ex / current wife cleans his house (noses through his things) and by allowing this and paying her he verges on abusive or controlling in my opinion. Is this what you want in a man? What do women really mean to him to behave in such a way? Imagine a guy who has his own place, is divorced, level headed and up front and honest - they are out there you know!!! Which would you want to have a relationship with???? He is even telling you what should be enough for you - like he knows your mind better than you do?! Get rid of him. He will always be trouble.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (21 July 2009):
 hi there, you'd think the wife would want a divorce wouldn't you? I can only assume the wife is a brainwashed dish rag and he's still got some kind of hold over her. My guess is his reasons are financial and doesn't want his kingdom to be split in half. Its all working for him isn't it? The wife still fulfils her role as scullery maid and you service his other needs while he sits pretty. You can do much better. good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): I think he's spinning you a yarn - you'll find there's no such thing as a 'legal separation' in the UK!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 July 2009):
 He pays his wife to clean his house??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 July 2009):
 That is just odd. Unless he stands to loose his business or a huge sum of money at a divorce ( or he is Catholic). It makes no sense.
Do they have children?
If him not being divorced is something you can not accept ( and honestly I understand you) then you need to let him go now. So you can find someone who is right for you. His ex wife cleaning is house.. again really odd.
I'm sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): This man is still married to his wife and still has contact with her because he still wants to be part of her life.
17 years is a very long time to be separated so my guess is, its him that doesnt want the divorce because he doesnt want to lose her.
Its very personal to have your [ex]wife cleaning your house.... so there are big red flags here....
You need to give him an ultimatum either divorce her and commit to you, or you are on your way. Unfortunately, I think he will choose to stay with his [ex]wife...
Sorry!
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