A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for nearly a year, I have been cheated on in the past and my now partner keeps really hurting me by flirting online and with most women he meets.I really blew my stack at the weekend, as I logged on to my email, and clicked a link to a blog site and it logged into his homepage instead. He'd added the women he goes to uni with (he's a mature student) and had been flirting and exchanging cyber kisses ets online.We'd previously had problems with him flirting online, as he was denying being in a relationship when talking to them and the posts by the women were blatantly obvious he'd been discussing sexual things as they were re his preferences and he'd not even told me by that stage. He had promised not to do it again, yet here he was having opened another blog account thing while at uni etc as we had no internet access for three months at home.Am I reading too much into all this? Naturally I am concerned as to what he's now getting up to at uni. He knows I have trust issues due to my ex leaving whilst we were planning our wedding many years ago, and he's the only man in nearly 15 years I've truly given my heart to.Is there a way to salvage our relationship? As the trust I had been slowly building he blew out of the water at the weekend.Please help, I love him dearly, but hate the way this is making me feel.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (7 February 2008):
 You're a person for whom trust is essential and you're with a person who is oblivious to your need.
Take care, Richard
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Hi there,It seems like you attract cheating men. Before you even look into why you end up with cheating men first get rid of this one. What he is doing is unacceptable and furthermore he doesn't seem to be too concerned about it. This does not say a lot about what he thinks of you, I imagine like a lot of guys I have met who cheat, they have a very low opinion of their partners they see them as women who are easily manipulated and will cower to their will.If you can work up the courage to dump this cheat you might just work up enough courage to feel good about yourself as a person.
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A
female
reader, ebi510  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 I think you know the answer to your own question. You pick these men for a reason then cry about it when it comes to fruition. It is time to take a step back and free yourself and earn some self respect. He is carrying on because there is nothing you can do about it. Are you married to this man? Are you allowing him to sleep with you and still allow this type of behavior? There is no reason why he should stop. You need to leave the relationship, heal yourself and your self esteem and stop picking men you have no value of relationship and respect. Then you will be a happier, respected, valued part of a relationship. When you value yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Hello! From reading your post the thing which struck me most was not whether your boyfriend is cheating or whether you can salvage your relationship it is why is your boyfriend seemingly oblivious to how much this is upsetting you?
If you have made it clear that his online flirting upsets you and makes you insecure then you have to ask what does it say about him if he can continue flirting knowing that it upsets you? If he is willing to carry on behaviour regardless of how much it upsets you then it doesn't sound as though he is taking your feelings into account and the whole point of being in a relationship is that your partner cares about how you feel. An individual alone can not salvage a relationship - it has to be something you both work at together so no matter how hard you try if he isn't going to work at it to you are just banging your head against a brick wall. I would suggest talking to him again clearly expressing how upset you are and see what his reaction is...can you reach a compromise (online chatting but no flirting etc) but ultimately he has to recognise how his behaviour had an affect on how you feel. If he doesn't then how can he be in a relationship with you?
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