A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently got engaged and moved in with my partner. Until last week, everything was perfect and i couldn't imagine anything else i could wish for in life until we were driving home from work, my partner took a phone call from a friend i had never heard of before. She told me who it was staight after the call and i was fine with this as she has alot of male friends.Hoever since then, i have discovered they speak on a daily basis and quite a few txt messages.I went to pick her friend up from the train station and she gave me her phone to take with me so her friend could call me when her train arives. I used her call list to call her friend to tell her i was a couple of minutes away and discovered all the phone calls between her and her mate all within work hours (we work at the same company) As she had never spoke of him before, i was intrigued to see what they talk about and what type of friendship they have. Unfortunately this backfired on me. There were various txt messages of a sexual nature stating "he can't wait to feel her body and neither can she" she would cheer him up in bed by various methods and she said "thinking of you there something about you that makes me want you"This weekend i am returning home to see my friends and family and there was a message from her to him saying "one wek today babe" which coincides with my first day away. Leading upto this, she has always said when will you learn this is your new home and cut ties with my old town but now she is pushing me back there saying it will be good for me. I was due to go away for a mates birthday but that is now cancelled however she still wants me to go. I have told her i am abit jealous of all her male friends but she keeps telling me all i need to know is she is not going anywhere and never will. Keeping this stored up is bringing me down, i feel physically sick and can't sleep but i'm scared to say anything in case i ruin it as i love her so much. I may have read too far into it and there are reasons behind each one as these were only a couple of the messages on seperate days and i don't know what the other ones said or what type of friendship they have. They may be joking around. I am now coming to an end where i am going to make myself ill and really don't know what to do about it. If i confront her she may turn it around on me and say i'm insecure and if i can'ttrust her we shouldn't be together. Do i leave it until i return and see if there are any messages about while i was away
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male
reader, theotherguy85  +, writes (1 July 2008):
tell her your leaveing n dont, dealay your trip for a day n hide out near by follow her n catch her in the act if anythings going down.have gas money n be prepared to travel.this could get pretty upseting if shes cheating on you witch she might be.it could just be an internet thing were as she just wants some extra romance in her life,n she may not really intend on seeing this guy,she could be lieing to him 2.telling him she wants him over the phone or internet n she really wants to stay with you. but you gota know if shes cheating like really cheating cause you can get stds that way.not so much fun if you ask me,this is a f#cked up situation n i wish you the best!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): It sounds pretty bad but the problem for you is how are you gonna end it? If you confront her with it, she will obviously deny it. She will give a pitiful excuse for the txt msgs. The fact that your sound SCARED to confront her makes me think that all she has to do is deny it, get mad & you'll believe AND apologize to her. Don't let wishful thinking skew what is obviously going on. If you feel you can't stand up to her with what you already have then you need to catch her in the act. Come home after just 1-2 days & either come home early or spy on her (altho she'll probably still deny it even if you catch her).
I should't do this but I will offer a speck of hope. There is TEENY, TINY chance that this is a setup. The fact that she doesn't delete these things from her phone (even when she lends it to you) is odd. So maybe she intended for you to see them? Altho its far more likely that she respects you so little that she thinks you won't do anything about it.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Busted, unfortunately. Those messages are 100% clear... she is cheating on you. As the others have said, count yourself lucky this happened before you got married rather than after (or ever worse: with a family).
I suggest you confront her, and break up. Even if she denies it, you need to break up, and make it clear that you know the truth.
You are young, take this as one of life's lessons, you have plenty of time to find the right person. It will hurt for a while, but you are much better off without her.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (30 June 2008):
 This is really horrible and I can feel for you. This lady is definitely up to no good and is playing you for a fool. She likes the security of being with you but also of having her cake and eating it. This is going to backfire on her horribly. Yes,she is planning to be with him when you go away. This is really upsetting and you deserve to be with someone decent who wouldn't behave like that. I don't even think I would give her a chance to explain herself - I would dump her immediately.
I have lots of male riends who I speak to 3/ 4 x a day but nothing is going on we are purely friends.
Get rid of her asap and find a nice girl who behaves properly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Ok, fella, are you blind and dumb? She is cheating on you with this coworker and counting the days until you leave so she can have a romp with him.
I would not go on your trip and ruin her plans....I would tell her that you looked at her phone and give her the reason why, and that she has some explaining to do about the the text messages, but the writing is on the wall.
She is a cheating slut and you would be better off without her. I know this is devestating, but get down on your knees and thank God for sending you a sign....he will always tell you what you need to hear, sometimes he has to hit you right over the head with a big fat text message, get out of this relationship...unless you want a life of misery with a controlling loser like this woman. Thank the ground she walks on, thank the stars in the sky, thank the guy who she is fooling around with that you found out her true colors before you made a horrible mistake and married the tramp and had kids with her only to get divorced and have to pay her child support for the kids and have to deal with her to see your kids, and have her break your heart all over again.
Get out, run, you are free to move on, no explanation or apology is required on your part, kick her to the curb and say don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
You deserve better, even your dog deserves better, get rid.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (30 June 2008):
 I honestly don't think you're reading too far into this. Those words shouldn't be joked about between a guy and an engaged lady. If you said you are uncomfortable with her male friends, she should have enough respect for you to not be saying those kind of things, if they're a joke. I don't think you should go away on your trip. If there's truly no reason to, just stay home and keep her company and ruin her plans, IF she had any. It don't have to be suspicious that you stay home since the party is cancelled anyways. OR you could go away and ask a friend to keep an eye on her, kind of like a PI. I would feel the same way you do though, but I would personally just bring it up and see what she would have to say for herself. If she can't explain herself to you, then something's happening. You are her fiance, she shouldn't be saying anything like that to anyone but YOU. Do what you think would be best for the situation, but if you can't trust her, your relationship will not last.
Good Luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Ok this sounds very suspicious to me i think you need to put her to the test go away on the day you said you would, leave it a few hours till you know she will be home then pop back home and is she is with someone well maybe you should think about leaving her but if she isnt with someone just say you have forgotten something.
If you dont trust her then what is the point of being with her without trust you cant fully love.
If you love and trust her just believe what she says and think nothing more off it.
How ever if you have doubts of this so called friendship any doubta at all then put her to the test.
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