A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I may seem insane to you guys after asking this question.... I've been talking to this guy online for about 3 1/2 years. We've become good friends and both have been wanting to date for quite some time..but he lives in TN. Last year he joined the Army and was deployed to Iraq. I was in a relationship at the time, but my boyfriend and I recently broke up. My online friend took the opportunity to expose his feelings about me, and wants to date. He plans on visiting on his leave for a week..... Now here comes the part that's getting me the weird looks. He is talking about possibly wanting to marry me, and I could see myself doing it. I know him pretty well..but not on a personal (not online/txt/phone) basis please give me your input, and be honest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2008): Meet each other. Spend time together. If it is true love, the feelings will grow. No need to rush. If things work out, maybe he should relocate to be a bit closer to you so that you can see eachother on a weekly/daily basis. You need the time of physically seeing each other day in and day out to see if you are truly compatible with one another.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Everyone already said it, it's different having an online relationship versus in person. Chemistry works different in the flesh, so go meet him first, and figure out where to go from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I suggest you wait, meet him and see how you feel then. I have often heard of people who thought they were in love whilst chatting online, but when they meet, they have no chemistry and are not always compatible.
Let the marraige talks not concern you to much, first meet him.
Take it from there!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 3 1/2 years is quite a long time . The chances of him being a Casanova or fly by night cheater is slim.
But it is prudent to go over to his place to check him out before you want to marry him.
Good luck and all the best to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Thank you guys for all of the input...I have just come out of a 9 month relationship so I am a little lonely and confused. After reading all of these posts I think a little sense has been knocked into me. Getting caught up in the moment tends to be a problem of mine. So, again, thank you all for being honest with me. I plan on meeting this guy and dating for a while...and of course, continue chatting online. Who knows, maybe it will work out :)
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Hi there, I think the word possibly is important here, he is giving you a reason to date him. Just start from there, don't get to serious with his "wanting to marry you", those are words. You should meet him, hopefully in the daytime at some mutually agreed upon public place, see if you are physically alright with the meeting, and go from there. Try as best you can to take this slow, because people can do various things to get various things. The marriage thing could be a step toward a sexual encounter, do what you want to do, but get to know this person in person, to be redundant, and again take it slow. Somebody said trust, but verify. I hope the two of you get along famously and that the situation evolves into a positive outcome. Probaly a good idea, to let someone know where you are going and to have them telephone you, during the meeting, you can never be too cautious today. I see too many news reports, to not tell you what is on my mine. Good luck to you always.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 You haven't met him and what he "Selectively" has told you online may or may not be an accurate representation of the type of person that he is. You need to slow way down. I think that considering marriage to an online relationship might just be a knee-jerk reaction to your recent break-up. You could be thinking this way because of your loneliness and that's NO reason to rush things.
By all means, meet him! Make sure that you meet him first at a coffee shop and have a friend there with you. I wouldn't ever give out my home address or home phone number before you have decided that he's a good guy. Seriously, I did that at your age and had to change my phone number and had to look over my should every time I walked to my house. It's not paranoia, it's healthy self-preservation. USE YOUR GOOD JUDGEMENT AND COMMON SENSE.
If the first few meetings go well, allow things to progress. You shouldn't really consider marrying someone if you haven't actually met any friends or family either. It's important to know someone else's heart, and know about their life too, before you consider becoming "partners in life". Another way to judge how seriously you feel about him is whether or not you think that he could be the father of your children - that's always a sobering thought.
Having said all of this, He could very well be a lovely guy and the one for you. Just be smart about all of this, and take your time. I hope it all works out for you!
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A
male
reader, iamthesupreamegod +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Don't worry about the marrage thing... yet.
Don't even think about it. If you are interesting in dating him, then start with that. And work your way from there.
I say this because you have never met him in person. You don't even know what kind of person he really is. An online personallity isn't too hard to keep up. And I'm not saying that he is a faker or a preditor... just that when you chat online, its easier to exagerate, or even be yourself, and not realize it. He could be different than you expect in person and that could be a good or a bad thing. But I say all that as a warning... Something to look out for. Don't worry to much about it.
But assuming the meeting goes well, and you guys do decide to start dating, don't go any further until you are absolutely sure that is what you want to do.
Look, pretty much all I am saying is that you are looking to far ahead. Focus on what is in front of you with a quick glance toward the future every now and then.
But if you two do decide to get married, make sure it feels right. Not just because he wants to. I mean, it's kind of cool that he is willing to jump into a commitment, but that doesn't mean that you two should. Just keep that in mind that both of you have good hopes for the future and do the best you can.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (11 June 2008):
 You've been speaking and trading messages with this guy for 3 years? In that time you probably got to know each other pretty well... honestly? ...I'm envious! I actually don't think that you relationship is strange that it escalated to conversations about making it dedicated, exclusive and matrimonial... stranger things have happened in this world.
While I think this sounds like a fantastic fairy tale, I am thinking that you shouldn't "jump into" marriage. My only concern here is that while you may know each other though your words, I think you should see how the whole thing plays out face-to-face. I just want you to "test it out" first and convince yourself that everything is just as good in person. After all this time sharing your minds, I would hope that you both are sincerely great together!
Best wishes!!
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A
female
reader, nIcE +, writes (11 June 2008):
 you should meet him before you plan on actually saying yes
people can be quiet diffrent then the way they potray them selves on the internet( phone texts)
its in your best intrest to meet this man.
if he turns out to be the same man offline as he is online why not say yes many couples meet this way. if you do say yes though don't rush into marriage date first or if you really want get engaged just aslong as you spend lots of time togeather before your actually get married.
don't let the first meeting togeather determine your want to be with eachother.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Firstly, I do believe that people who meet via the net or who have LD relationships - CAN go on to have great marriages, I have personally known two couples that have had that success! BUT....
it is my honest opinion that you should know each other alot more before taking the BIG step of getting married. You have said yourself that you only know one 'aspect' of this man - through your writing and calls...it is a whole new ball game to 'be' with someone, to date, to get intimate, to share goals etc.
Right now you guys are very seperate - you have your life, he has his and yes you get along and chat online, but you still persue seperate things - that is not the same as having a "shared future" in mind, which is what two people considering marriage should have in my opinion.
If I were you I would start by looking at what you would need to do to commit to getting to know each other first...how will you be able to spend time together? Quality amounts of time - not just a fun filled week here and there. If that goes well you need to think about the logistics...who lives where and how will that need to change if you do get serious? Work? Family? All that needs to be factored in too, as all these thing can affect how successful a relationship can be. For example, if you can't imagine not living near your family, but he can't move to where you live...there are some big decisions to be made, and you need to be sure so there isn't a build up of resentment etc...
I also believe that couples should live together before getting married if possible - it is very different 'dating' but going home to your own space and your own way of doing things...it's not until you live together that you see the other little niggly habits, and have to 'problem solve' to figure out what you can compromise on, what you can't etc...that is all part of the foundation of a strong relationship.
So - I guess I am saying that I would exercise caution here, not get too caught up in the emotion, and really think through what you are able/willing to do to be with this man. You guys don't need to get married in a hurry...there are plenty of other ways to show love and committment before this.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, M! +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Well honestly i think you should atleast meet the guy first, in person. Because its so easy to talk over the internet and all that stuff. Not face to face.
I was talking to this guy over the computer last year and when i finally met him in person he was really shy and wouldnt say a word. It got old because everytime i would see him he wouldnt talk. but over the computer he talked about everything. eventually i stopped talking to him.
but like i said you should see him in person first, because people are different in person. maybe he'll be the same as he is on the computer, and maybe he wont. So see how he is in person before you make that comitment.
i hope everything works out
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