| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hey. im 25 years old and married. ive known my husband for 10 years, dating for 5, married for 3. we are going through a rocky patch. my husband has suggested we split for a week or two and have sex with someone else.i am worried though that he will prefer this woman (or women) to me and never come back to me. i dont really want to try it but he says its fine.what are your thoughts?my husband says couples do it all the time. is this true?
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 thanks for the follow up! Glad to hear you are seeking help. I hope it all works out for you both!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyoull be glad to hear i said no after what you said. he did try to say that we didnt have to sleep with other but i said no. we are currently seeing a councillor. thank you.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 May 2011):
as my dear deceased mom would say "what a crock of shit"
no couples DO NOT do this all the time.
I came from an open marriage. I had permission to have relationships with others.... i now am in a monogamous relationship by choice
do YOU get to have sex with other men or women while he's out having sex? if so and you are ok with it... go for it
if not or you are not ok with it... you tell him NO
and if he says he still wants to do it... your marriage may be over
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Couples that stay together don't do it all the time.
Couples that divorce do, but not all the time.
Ask him how much he's going to like you after you have sex with 28 different guys in 14 days.
...............................
A
female
reader, MrsWillshire  +, writes (8 May 2011):
My Dear,
Couples do not do this all the time and if your husband believes this, then you should put him straight.
Marriage is all about having the one person to have sex with and if he can't handle that then why did he get married in the first place?
Do not take him up on this offer, it will not make your marriage stronger, but weaker.
Heed my advice,
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (8 May 2011):
 no, people don't do this all the time! if you think you are having a rocky time right now, just wait to see how rocky it can get after he does this thing that he wants to do.
work on the marriage TOGETHER or don't. bringing other women into the mix will not be helpful. sounds like your husband just wants to get some
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Yeah, and wives who's husbands go an bone other women routinely pile all their stuff on the lawn and light it on fire... tell him to go for it and grab the matches!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ana Q +, writes (8 May 2011):
No couples do NOT do this. He is asking to cheat is all but wants to know you will be there when he comes back. Please recognize this fact. I'm angry that he even thought to manipulate you into thinking it is normal. It is not. Have you seen a counselor together? Perhaps there are other issues that are causing this behavior from him. You didn't mention your sex life so is he feeling unsatisfied? Still not a reason to have a cheating spree without reprucussion, but I would start at the bottom and find out what the real issue is- sex or something deeper. Maybe the relationship isn't working anymore but in that case you either divorce or work out the problem. Cheating is never the solution unless you were both into open marriages as an alternative lifestyle, though it sounds to me like that is not your thing. Do not agree to this out of respect to yourself. This is not normal for a healthy relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Couples don't do this. Couples having affairs do this. He wants to have sex with someone else so he's making sure he can do it without repercussion. That is a very unhealthy way to handle this. All couples go through rocky patches occasionally. Part of being a couple is learning to deal with the problems together and work through them. Anyone can be married during good times. But it takes work to keep a marriage going through the bad, which everyone experiences. Those patches are what define a couple. That's what makes a good couple. It's easy to be happy and in love when everything's perfect. If he's ready to run for the hills every time you hit a rocky patch, then your marriage will not survive. You two need to find a way to work this out together. If you're having a problem with your marriage, between the two of you, how on Earth could going out and having sex with strangers POSSIBLY in a million years solve what's happening with you two? That's like fixing hunger problems in another country by ordering an extra steak for yourself. You should sit down and try to work out a way through your problems together.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Thinking about it, is this a two way street, are you allowed to screw other men?
If yes,then he is asking for an open marriage, is that what you want?
If no, then......I can't type my answer, or it will get pulled and I will get thrown off the site.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): *My husband says couples do it all the time. is this true?
Erm NO
He wants to fuck someone else, but by asking a spilt for a week or two, he won't be doing anything wrong. I have to hand it too him, he is got some neck, marriage isn't something you put on and off when it suits you, you are either married or you're not.
I'll can't tell you want to do you have to make your own mind up but, I can tell you this, if you let him do this. he will be fucking other women forever, and you will of taught him this behaviour is the way to go.
Just for the record, couples do not do this all the time, so don't let him feed you that line, I know of NO couples that do this.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 No they don't. Your husband just wants to cheat on you and has found this excuse that he is doing it for the benefit of your marriage.
What a saint. What a hero. He'd do any sacrifice to help his marriage, even that of sticking it into some other woman.
As for him being fine with you having sex with another man , either he is smugly sure that you'd not take advantage of this permission to cheat, and would not do anything, or does not give a fig anymore about you, plain and simple.
It would be different if you had agreed since the beginning to have an open relationship. Some people , apparently, can handle it well.
But, your couple wasn't among them, and what your husband wants to do is, in practice, to break the marriage without incurring in legal costs and consequences..
...............................
A
male
reader, Steve_S +, writes (8 May 2011):
 No - they don't do it all the time. Who is he trying to kid? Basically he wants sex with someone else without the guilt as you may be doing it too.Its quite unnatural behaviour in my opinion, for a healthy marriage. Not many marriages would sustain that sort of damage and continue.Don't let this guy control your thoughts, stick to your guns and don't agree to it. if the marriage is doomed dont be one to condemn it.Steve
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Hi. I do agree with the above poster, and I would nOT like it. However, I do think that it is normal for people, and men in particular, to want to have sex with other women. I do feel for you in this predicament, it must be horrible for you. What you could do is agree to it. At the end of the day it sounds like he has made his mind up; men do not say things they dont mean and he has obviously been thinking about this for some time. If you say no he will probably do it anyway. I fyou say no you may break up for good, do yuo want this? I mean, is it a good relationship, do you want to save it?Reading between the lines you were very young when you got together and it sounds like he has not had enough sexual partners. That is the problem with getting married young, which you did. I was in no way ready to settle down until I was in my 30s. Ok, I think you need to be really mature about this and agree. I know this is really hard, but he is asking for a break, not a break-up. The likelihood is that he will sleep with someone else (if it actually happens?) and realsie how much he loves you. Then you will need to forgive him for it and move on. I know loads of readers will disagree with this but it depends how much you want to stay in this marriage. He wants to sleep with other women so you either agree to it or not. Also, have you asked him if he is satisfied with the sex like the two of you have? Maybe you are not having enough sex or there are some fantasies he wants to live out? You could talk to him about this. One thing I will say in his favour is that he is being honest with you. I know loads of men who are married and think nothing of being unfaithful to their wives and the wives are oblivious to it. I would also like to recommend that you seek a couples therapist to explore this further. So, agree to it, talk, explain that there may be consequences if he does it and insist that you see a therapist together. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Couples don't do it all the time. At least not the ones I know. You have to ask yourself whether or not this is the person you want to stay married to for the rest of your life and if he runs away every time there's a rough patch in your marriage, this whole relationship will suffer and die in a messy way. Marriage is a commitment and you cannot simply run to the warmth of other women when your marriage goes cold. I think you either divorce or work hard on keeping your marriage alive. It sounds as though he wants more of an excuse to be with someone else rather than actually taking a break to help fix things.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
