A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a strange situation but I'll ask anyway.My husband just upped and left me after 4 years of marriage (we've been together 9 years as a couple), went to live with his best friend, a 28-year-old, and now says he wants our 5-year-old daughter to live with them. I say his best friend, as his true best friend from high school he's no longer in contact with because my husband cut off contact with him because of political opinions and his friend's racist jokes such as making jokes about "banana people".I'm 37, my husband's 39. We live in Newport in Kentucky.His best friend's just dumped his fiancee, she's moved back to Chicago, and now the two of them are living together essentially.I know my fiance left because there was a handwritten note when I came back from work (I'm a delivery driver for a small business)Why would he just leave like that? His health was okay, we had no major rows or even worries.I know this friend of his, but don't KNOW him that well, if you get what I'm saying. I know his name, but that's about it. Don't really know him as a person.This guy is 26, young and describes himself as a "femboy".I feel sick and angry with my husband for wanting our daughter to be raised by the two of them.He insists that they're not a couple but am I paranoid or wrong for seeing things this way?However, they've had behavior in the past that seems a little suspicious, "ho yay" if you've seen TV Tropes which describes it as "homoerotic subtext". Seeing his friend cuddling up to him 3 years ago at a Christmas party was a little concerning, it was more like how couples do it than good friends, although his friend put it down to being excessively drunk.theI feel like I could end our marriage but don't know what the best options are.There's no evidence it's an affair, but why would a man walk out on his wife and then demand his kid come and live with him and his best friend?I feel too embarrassed to talk to friends about this as I've got no-one who can relate to this AFAIK.Doesn't help that I've got more work coming up too, and one day I'm working 7am-8pm so am barely in the house and have to leave my daughter with Grandma/Grandpa.I'm stressed as fuck and need your help.
View related questions:
affair, best friend, christmas, drunk, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (25 November 2021):
 I think he has left on a whim, a spur of the moment thing where he thinks the grass will be greener on the other side. We both know that the grass is never greener on the other side and when he finds this out i bet he will want to come back.
In my opinion if i was you i would never take him back now, he has made his bed now, and now he has got to lay in it.
I agree with Honeypie, you need to seek legal advice immediately
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2021): Get a lawyer today. This situation is ridiculous and could be very dangerous to your child. Supposing this other guy - or even your husband - are pedoephiles and want to fiddle with the daughter, or are simply not suited to bringing her up.
Why is it so important to them to have her there if they are genuine, why can he not just visit like a father usually does when parents split? You are wasting valuable time writing to amateurs about this. You need to be more assertive and act more yourself, going to the right professionals. The sooner you do that the more competent a parent you will seem. If I were your daughter and you were faffing about like this I would wonder if you would make me a fit mother.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2021): Your husband has "come-out" without coming-out. He still wants the benefit of deniability. Leaving it up to everybody to guess.
He won't admit to being in an "alleged" gay-affair; but everything you've described pretty much spells it out. If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...
Why would a straight-man leave his wife, to live with a man who describes himself as a "fem-boy?" Even if they're not gay for each-other, he has left his wife to live with another man. He hasn't legally divorced you, and by no means should you let that child go anywhere; until you've both hired lawyers. Let a judge decide who gets custodial-rights; and how visitation will be scheduled and situated. If he left without a word; you may as well get your legal ducks in a row, and file for a divorce. You'll never trust him after this fiasco.
However, we are getting only one-side of this story. Why would he just up and abandon his wife and child, and think he can just demand you give him the child? He would probably have a very weak case in a custody battle; unless he could prove you to be unfit. It looks pretty much like abandonment. He took his income with him, made no prior arrangements for child-support; and has not even discussed or filed papers for a legal-separation. What on earth are you to think? Is he on drugs??? Did covid scramble his brains?
Legal process is required in this situation; because he must be out of his mind, if he thinks you'll just give-up your daughter not knowing what kind of environment she'll be in. A court will investigate the situation; and a legal decision will be made protecting your rights, his rights, and the rights of the child. The whole situation is bazaar as it stands; and a child is not just a piece of property you can just pass back and forth. The whole thing will be scary, traumatizing for her; and he's not being totally transparent as to what the true situation is between him and that guy.
You need to come-out of your state of confusion, put your head on straight, and get a lawyer. I wouldn't waste any time if I were you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 November 2021):
 Well, as much as all this sucks there is a bright light here.
HE left you. Which is a "good" thing in many ways. He abandoned you and your daughter which gives you a bit of an advantage when it comes to custody.
I'd say TALK to a divorce lawyer ASAP.
Have the lawyer help you file for full custody.
Doesn't matter that your husband now wants to live with a man, what matters is that YOU can provide stability and it shows. HE can not.
TALK to a lawyer, now. Don't wait.
...............................
|
