A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my BF for over 4 years and most of the time I am so happy, but he can be when we are making love be a little rough and demand stuff.He kina wants to do stuff and one thing I do for him often is let him come over my face. I know he likes it so I just pretend its cool too. He is for ever using his phone on me afterwards, he says its romantic and shows how much we are a couple but im like, we are a couple without that anyway. I guess its just when we are doing stuff its always his fantasies and its probably just because I sometimes am not in the mood or just tired some nights. He is like such a nice guy its just i dont want to spoil things and upset him. I kinda like maybe more just being together romantic stuff more than he perhaps. I know g a guys have different needs than us but ,I dont know how to suggest things very well like this to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2021): What's he do with the phone? Take nude pictures, with cum on your face? If so, dump him. Tell him he'll be working for you forever if he shares them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2021): Letting a man cum on your face is degrading for you and dominating behaviour for him. You are allowing him power over you that you don't want to give.
You are still young and not practised in letting men know your boundaries. If you carry on allowing him to do things with YOUR body that you are not comfortable with, you won't learn to do it in the future. And learn you must.
You have a right to stipulate what happens to you, even when you love your boyfriend and want to please him. IF he is a nice guy, then he will be horrified to learn that he has been doing things you never wanted. I have never had problems not allowing this, because it is such a demeaning thing to go through. What on earth do men expect women to get out of this? IMO, it is about domination and power. There can't be anything else it represents. Too many males watch this type of porn and expect women to put up with them wanting this horrible practice. Any boyfriend who has wanted to do this has got short shrift from me. In fact thinking about it, they have suggested it with a laugh, expecting a refusal.
Next time he asks, tell him you've found you don't enjoy it. (Why on earth would you?)
Maybe suggest something sexual you would like to try. This would more likely please him, than someone going along with his wishes when, in truth, they hate it.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (25 November 2021):
 I think that you have to speak up and say something if you are uncomfortable doing something. This is all part and parcel of being a couple, if yo don't want to do something say so, if he does not like it then that's his problem, its ok to set boundries.
As for him using his phone on you, i assume he likes to take pictures, or video things, presumably for his gratification when he is not with you.
The problem with this is if you split up in six months, and split on bad terms, would you be happy with sexual pics and videos of yourself that could potentially end up anywhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2021): You are allowing this guy to use you as a sex toy / convenience and if this has been going on for years it is ridiculous, totally dumb. Obviously if you speak up now he will think hey, what is going on, I've been using you for ages, why do you complain now. It seems to me that instead of being wise and sensible and saying no to these things you let them happen because you were scared of losing him otherwise.
That won't be any different now. You are buying his so called friendship by giving him the sex he wants. If you say something years later he will still not like it, you should start as you mean to go on, not let things drift for ages and then stand up for yourself. Writing to us won't help. We can't go around and see him and threaten to knee cap him if he does not stop doing these things. It is up to you to sound like a grown woman for a change, make your mind up of whether this or that is ok and do something about it yourself. But you come across as so soppy that I believe you will be too scared to speak up, or he will make a fuss and you will back down and let it happen anyway for fear of losing him. More fool you. You are not that close if you have been together for years and you cannot share your feelings with him, it is not much of a relationship anyway, so it would be no loss to you and he would only miss the sex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 November 2021):
 OP, it's OK for you have have boundaries.
If you don't want sperm on your face you NEED to speak up. Pretending it's cool and that you like it when in reality you don't, is stupid. Because it makes sex more about HIM and HIS desires and you have to FAKE things. And when you fake things you will resent it at some point. And he won't understand why.
YOU are not being a "better" GF by pretending it's cool and you like it. WHEN you don't.
The only person you really hurt here is you, but you also set your BF up for failure. He will think he can keep pushing boundaries with you because you "seemingly" enjoy it - only to learn that you in reality don't like it at all.
And then there is the "filming" you (I presume that is what you mean when you say:" He is forever using his phone on me afterwards" So he is filming you with skunk all over your face and you aren't a fan of that either. And the thing is YOU HAVE NO IDEA what he does with that. He might save them, he might share them, he might upload them and if you break up he might USE them against you.
I say you need to ask him to delete them all IN FRONT OF YOU.
Or it WILL come back to bite you in the ass.
Is he older than you? It sounds like he is.
It's also OK to say, I'm not in the mood for sex tonight. YOU are an individual. You are not a blow-up doll who is ALWAYS ready for sex.
Guys are not some fragile things that ALWAYS need to be "pleased" sexually or otherwise. It's NORMAL for a couple to not always be in the mood at the same time. Sometimes it's just fine to say I'm not in the mood and it's also OK to occasionally play along. AS LONG as this goes both ways.
You do understand that sex is NOT just about the man's pleasure, wants, and desires? Right? IT's about BOTH people partaking in the sex. You should BOTH get to enjoy it.
If he is rough and YOU DO NOT like that or enjoy it you NEED to speak up.
Don't be a passive participant or a prop in your own life, OP. Set some boundaries. Be ok with saying NO - No, is a FULL sentence. Find things that you BOTH can enjoy.
Guys don't have "different needs" and they don't HAVE to be catered to sexually by women.
I can tell you this, if you keep this facade up, at some point, you will have no sex drive to speak off, and you will resent him, resent yourself and be really sad about your life. When you don't HAVE to be. You are still learning how to adult, I get that, but learning to say no or setting boundaries is a VITAL lesson for us all, or people will use you and abuse you.
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