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My husband left me because he thinks I cheated, but I found texts from a man to my husband saying 'I love you' and suspicious receipts for restaurants.....what is going on?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Gay relationships, Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 June 2012) 7 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, *isslilbit6767 writes:

My marine husband of 4 years who by the way was abusive verbally and accused me of cheating when he got back from Iraq. was always paranoid. He said we had orders back home where i grew up. 1 day after closing he said he got orders changed to go to another state 600 miles away. saw a facebook message from 2 months prior of him telling another marine hes sending me back home..?? i have major depressive disorder and 4 kids(1 is his)he was a severe alcoholic who wasn't the best father so im glad we left when we did.its been 2 almost 3 years and no calls just angry emails and texts.then he completely stopped paying for us, stopped paying OUR credit card and loans(he knows ill have no vehicle)he says i keep my daughter from him when he was the on that left.

long story short i kept trying by emailing him nice letters,texts being bigger. i spent 3000 on getting to va so he could see us(so i thought).He hugged me said wow how did u let yourself get so skinny? no compliments ,he didnt touch me, he didnt kiss me i tried to make love he wouldnt he was distant and pregaged in our daughter...He paid no attention but kept saying he needed time because he thinks i cheated...I looked in his phone and a guy is saying love you and other things...he used to do this with other marines but it didn't settle right. i asked he laughed then was outraged i tried to spy on his laptop..he has skype yet never calls us, also his bank statements are all dinners that cost 40.00,50.00 and atm withdrawals..he doesn't pay one bill!!..he talks trash about me on facebook to his family lol thats mature...now he wants me back..but tells my daughter whos 15 this...also a month ago(3 months after he completely denied me even a touch)he threatens hes going to take my daughter says im a horrible mother my whole family hates me ec....what is going on????

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (2 November 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntGet a divorce attorney lined up, ASAP. You need to ensure your interests are protected.

I have a website and its forum site that may offer specific support for someone in your situation: http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php and http://www.voy.com/86426/

Sorry to hear that he's still stringing you along. Please do protect yourself and get the legal and emotional support that you need.

Cut contact with him for now and get as educated as you can. Best wishes.

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A female reader, misslilbit6767 United States +, writes (1 November 2012):

misslilbit6767 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well I left him alone and was trying to get a separation, he said he wanted me back.I took him back 2 days later he said we just aren't made for eachother...he made me feel like we were going to last...hes a douche he said don't call me again..He blames everything on me..when all i want is attention..its over separation papers are in the mail,, i bought tickets to see him and he said don't come (he was on vacation 30 days and didnt spend one day with his daughter, found out he was gay also... great hate my life

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A female reader, misslilbit6767 United States +, writes (12 July 2012):

misslilbit6767 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks everyone for your advice I really appreciate it!! my depression is getting horrible and if anyone else has legitimatly gone through what i have as a marine wife that would be great...ive got the world on my shoulders..

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 June 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, military takes care of their soldiers first and some units do bother to help out family members but it's not as common as it should be. I'm sorry his CoC is a boob. It's unfortunately more common that they don't bother specially if the soldier claims he pays for XX for the wife, some investigate, some don't.

Are you living near a military installation?

If so, I suggest you go visit their Family Advocacy Program, I'm sure the Marines have that as well. You can also take this to JAG ( or the Marine equivalent) JAG can NOT go to court for you or file ANYTHING but they can give you advice on how to get things done, who to talk to and where to go. Also, IF you use JAG your HUSBAND can NOT use them, AT ALL.

If you can see his bank statements can you then also access the account? If so, I suggest you take out what you need for bills on pay day. You are entitled.

OneSource can't help with issues that revolves around him not paying. Even JAG may not be able to help you get him to give you 50-70% of the BAH (which you actually are entitled to) while married. So I would consider finding a lawyer ( JAG can refer you to one or help you find one that do pro bono cases).

And like I said, get all your ducks in a row.

I wouldn't worry about who he takes out to dinners, who he shares " I love yous" with I would just get out of the marriage, it seems over.

Also, chances of a SINGLE marine getting custody is low. I'm not even sure the Marines allow single parents to serve. I know they used to NOT allow it. SO I would try not to pay attention to those threats. However DOCUMENT them, keep a journal. Save voicemails/texts that are hostile. As you can use them in the divorce and remember - if you write any back to him, HE can use those too.

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A female reader, misslilbit6767 United States +, writes (27 June 2012):

misslilbit6767 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know i'ts over as it look likes and ive called his chain of command a million times they give me the run around. he gets 1900 a month bah for us and blows it..I called on source. states attorney nothing..my big problem is he has family with money that would lie and vouch im crazy(the crazy ones always accuse you)and base it on me being on disability for mdd and post traumatic stress(rape,molestation,abuse).Hes highly manipulative his job is just that in the marines(don't want to say because security)hes highly looked up upon he scares me.I file i'm afraid of him harming me or destroying my life...there's way more to my life then just this I have lived 200 years you would think.the military always is about there soldiers not families...anyone who wants to fight about that, live it....

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (25 June 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhat's going on is that you need to acknowledge that your marriage is essentially over. Get your ducks in a row NOW, as honeypie suggests. Go see a divorce lawyer ASAP and learn what steps you need to take to protect your child's financial future. As I understand it, there are some things you need to do that are counterintuitive, so get qualified legal counsel right away.

Good luck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (25 June 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWhy not file for divorce? Seems like the marriage is complete over from his side of things. Why subject yourself to any more of this?

Why are you not getting any money from him? Doesn't he get housing benefits and so forth? If you aren't getting any I suggest you contact his COC (Chain of Command) and explain that he is NOT helping you out financially. I assume the Marines work like the Army when it comes to benefits and YOU are entitled to part of the Basic Housing allowance up until the divorce is final.

If you put your pay check into the same account and he deposit his in, I suggest you open a bank account for YOUR paycheck.

Get your ducks in a row.

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